Visitation issues

[snapplegirl69]

Hi everyone.To male a long story short,bm refuses to meet my fiancee half way  in transportation.BM lives almost 2 hours away,and my df never lived in her city.Someone said because it wasn listed in the court order that my df is to provide transportation,no one is 100% responsible for it.Well what do you know bm up and quit her job,and now says she has no car.Well with the gas price hike,I think its awfully extreme to expect him to pay $80 everytime he wants to see his son.Anyone have any possible suggestions fro help?She is collecting welfare now,so she is crying poor as well.

[flewwellin]

If she indeed is collecting welfare than she is indeed poor.  There are very strict guidelines that she has to meet in order to receive government/ state funds.  I'd say your fiance needs to be careful that because she doesn't have a job now and is collecting funds that the BM doesn't apply for an increase in child support.  I am sure that the welfare she is collecting isn't as much as she was making at her job.  Tread carefully here is all I recommend.

[snapplegirl69]

She is only collecting welfare because she refuses to work.She was on it for 2 years,then suddenly got a job,so i think they made her.Now she back on again.The only reason she meets it is because ss is 3 and her car is in the parents name so she has no assets for them to see.My fiancee is now in the middle of finding a job because he quit his,long story short he was suppose to student teach,but student advisor didnt tell him about the courses he needed to take until last minute,and they werent listed on his sylabus.I just dont want what little money he has left after child support being spent on gas.

[smtotwo]

So have your fiance pick up the child for his visit.  If she wants the child back then she'll come pick him up or find a way to have someone pick him up for her.

The quote our attorney used to judge was

"He who wants fetches"  If your fiance wants he fetches...if mom wants then she'll fetch.

[snapplegirl69]

lol..I have thought of that before.But it wouldnt surprise me if she told us to keep him.Cant she call the cops for that though?It irritates me because she is living off of the system,and she has a paralegal degree

[smtotwo]

So if she says keep him then keep him.  But make sure you record the conversation.  It may not be legal to tape in your state so check the statutes at  

http://www.rcfp.org/taping/



Radio Shack has a great phone corder that we use.  It can be set for voice activation or you can start it when you answer the phone.

And if she says keep him on tape then you'd have grounds for either a change in placement or to get a new order to either meet halfway or
do the he who wants fetches rule.  You really should have this written in the order anyway or it will be a constant battle.

[gipsy]

My parenting plan say's The recieving parent is to pick up at the Mcdonalds , One is near me one is near her , I think its standard to have the pick up Made by the recieving parent  , Its also been my expierience that the court will impute income for the age and sex of the person if they refuse to work when Computing child support , . Secondly read the parenting plan thouroughly ,  And read it for what it say;s for dispute resolution , Mine say's .
  : Dispute resolution : The parties are to go to Pierce county center for dispute resolution Before returning to court :
   So I have found the court will ask if you did  < And if no , They will tell you to go to dispute resolution , And say " Next case " And you are out of there , SO READ THE PLAN !
  Then if it say's take her to dispute resolution ,  ask for a pick and drop off point . If she disagree's . then file a motion to modify the parenting plan , and she will have to show up or pay an atty , Then just tell her this is what  you want , and its fair , And if not you will ask the commissioner to settle the Issue ! And she will be likely to settle . This is what My atty said to do , And She didn;t settle any thing and the commissioner basically gave me some of what I wanted and some of what she wanted to her , But never was there any big victory , And thats why  My atty told me to try mediation first , And then file when I get the report from mediation , And that report just has boxes to check off , They are ,
 The parties did not come to aggreement : Y / N
  The paries agreed Y/N
  One party failed to show Y /N

[srgraumenz]

My husband and I just had this same issue come up last night.  My husband gets his 3 kids every other weekend....he has Joint Legal Custody, the X has primary physical custody but treats the whole deal as if she has Sole custody....he has to always pick up and drop off his kids at their residence which is 50 miles from our house.   He has done this the past 16 months.   Well he got taken back to court and has to pay more money just because he married me and i work full time.(actual words from judge)  And now with the gas prices at $3 a gallon and all he has to drive is a truck, he is spending $120 a week in gas and more when he wants to see his kids.   He picked the kids up on friday night and told the x that she needed to meet us at his work(office, saves us about 35 miles one way, 70 miles round trip)....  She refused to do so and we were sitting waiting on her at 8pm last night at his office.  She proceeded to go to the local police in troy,il and file some type of complaint which may or may not go to the state attorney's office.   All of this happened EVEN THO their joint parenting agreement does NOT specify who or where the pick up and drop off place is to be and who is responsible.   While we were waiting for her to arrive, we called the police and they advised us to meet her at a designated spot(5 minute drive for her and a 30 minute drive one way for us). When we arrived at the drop off place, there were 2 local(pontoon beach) police cars watching us the entire time and an unmarked car which I'm researching to find out why they were stalking us.   My husband's kids love their dad and the X and the govt and the courts allow the x to virtually make it impossible for him to have any time with his kids.  There has to be something we can do????   Please help us.   We spent all weekend with his kids playing soccer and other games with them and the treatment we get back is uncalled for and should be punishable in some way.
thanks,

[SFMedic]

Snappergirl

You really don't have a choice but to go to court in order for her to be made to meet you halfway.  She claims she no longer has a car, do you know this for sure?  If not, your best bet would be to send a letter to the DMV listing her name / address, and find out if there is one still registered to her name, state in the letter this information will be used in an upcoming family court case.

You may have difficulty receiving this information freely from the DMV, if your state happens to have some type of legislation in place, preventing it's release to a third party, short of a court order supeona being issued for access.

I went through the same thing and did this on my own, because the "ex" used this as an excuse for the first several years, knowing full well she was using someone elses car for grocery shopping and other errands, she too was on welfare during that entire time.

Hope this helps?