Visitation Denial with a Twist

[Devoted Stepdad]

So far, my son's mother and I are agreeing on most issues but one: Whenever my son gets in trouble at school or her house, she will not let him visit with me as a consequence.

I know this is just wrong and I don't agree with it.  But instead of the threating to go to court and all the other stuff, I would like to find a good, solid parenting reason why she should allow him to come over.  

Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

thanks

[janM]

I know I wouldn't appreciate being considered a "punishment".

Maybe if the "crime" were serious enough you could restrict his activities a bit at your house so he knows you and bm are on the same page. Then she can't complain that you just disregarded the issue and "rewarded" him with fun stuff.

[gipsy]

 First I would say ' You are probably going to stop a lot of BS By first trying to get her to sign off on a parenting plan ! with out it you have absolutely zero enfoceable parenting rights , I have seen people try to tiptoe through this as you are , And especially my cousin , And I finally got him to file contempt for her denials , Second My atty tells me if I  let her get away with it she thinks she is in total control ,
   So My opinion is if you are trying to tiptoe through then try to get her to sign an agreed parenting plan and get it filed with the court , You can ask questions later about the process <
  If she refuses to make the parenting plan a legal document with the court then she probably  has no intention of not letting go of control , sooo
  If you tell her you  two should cooperate on disipline issues and [you should] and that you two should agree on the disipline and show unity as parents , Or this will be likely to be a problem later as the situations I have seen that continue :  when the kids get older they will play yoiu both like a fiddle ,
   Those are my thought
 
 
   :: Outside of a fish reading a book is a mans best option : Inside a fish  its too dark too read ?

[snapplegirl69]

Do you guys have a court ordered visitation schedule?If so,her not letting him see you is contempt and she will continue do this this unless you file a contempt charge against her

[Stirling]

To be honest I cannot think of any logical reason why the BM would think that withholding parenting to be an effective punishment for your child misbehaving.  Does she view your parenting time to be nothing more than good times and fun and games?  

Maybe you should follow her rules and the next time your child misbehaves during your parenting time refuse to return the child to her as a form of punishment.  Seriously, you need to convince her that you do parent your child during your parenting time.  This includes giving guidance, discipline, boundries, structure, chores/responsibilities, etc.  In short that you are acting as a parent and not just a good time buddy.  

[MixedBag]

The reason is that the two of you should CO-PARENT the child both in good times and in bad times.  

You're not there to be a dad only during times when the child has been good, but also in times when the child has been bad.

Also suggest you get a copy of "Divorce Poison" -- he gives this as an example of where the CP is in the wrong because it makes going to the NCP's a reward instead of a right both of the child and the NCP.