Keeping kids away

[Starcom]

Me and my ex-wife met in new Orleans about 10 years ago and she had a 2 year old girl, Me and her moved in with one another and got marred a year latter she got arrested for shoplifting and placing the goods on my step daughter, She told me that it was a mistake and I believed her.

We moved to Arkansas and a few years latter she was maxing out credit card that I didn't even know she had gotten in my name, as the bills piled up I got more and more distant from here until 2 years ago she was busted for shoplifting again and I discovered she was also having an affair.

Anyway , I had divorce papers delivered to her within a week, I thought she would be finished with shoplifting and decided to let her have main custody of our two children because I didn't wont to split them from their half sister and my ex-wife was better at helping them with their school work.

After the divorce she was arrested 2 more times for shoplifting in the last year, and has the kids on welfare insurance refusing to use the insurance I have, (Note)= I don't think she could of got that welfare insurance if the state know the kids were already on insurance))

Now to whets wrong now,
I met a girl that I like and had her move in with me, she is very nice and has a clean background, and I get my kids every other weekend and wish I had them more often. I also like this girl very much but don't want to be forced to get marred just so my kids can keep visiting, I'm thinking that I may have to take it to court but im not sure how the court will look at it.

On one hand theirs me= I'm a police officer and have been at the same address sints the divorce and at the same job, but have a girlfriend who lives with me.

On the other hand, theirs my ex-wife= she's had 3 different address in 2 years being evicted out of two places. has moved the kids school 4 times  in 2 years and is on her 3rd different job, as well as being arrested 2 times for shoplifting and her and my son are not allowed in sears at the mall, sears told me that they got my son with a stolen backpack and 4 DVD's but they didn't press charges because after talking to him and her they believed that my ex-wife had given him the stolen stuff and sent him out of the stor.

I want to have my own life without my ex-wife getting involved
I want to keep the visitation with my kids and I want to be able to have my new girlfriend live with me with out someone trying to force me into a marriage.

[msme]

How old are the kids now, particularly the boy who was involved in the incident at Sears? If I were in your shoes, I would hire a good attorney who is a Board Certified Family Law & Custody Specialist. File for full custody with supervised visitation.  She should not be allowed anywhere near the kids, unsupervised.

I do not believe the courts would have as much trouble with a live-in girlfriend as they would with a parent starting a child on a life of crime. On the otherhand, they will have a problem with you knowing about this & doing nothing about it. They could put the kids in foster care. So you must act quickly & firmly.

Do not bash your ex but do firmly state that you love your children & do not want them to think that it is alright to steal. Find out how their grades are. Connect with their school counselors & work with their teachers. These people will all be very helpful to have on your side.

As far as your step daughter is concerned, is her father in the picture? If he is, talk to him & see if you can work together to protect all the children & then keep up their relationship afterwards. If he is not around, you may be able to get custody of her as well. My son did.

If you are the only father she has ever known, the courts can declare you the "Presumed father by presence." You then can get custody & keep all the kids together. It's just something to think about.

Good luck & God bless.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[futureuselesseater]

Sounds to me like you were fine leaving the kids with your ex when you didn't have a woman in the picture, but now that you do you want your kids more and suddenly the mom to your kids is awful.

Ok, so where are you now?  I think court is not the best way to go cause I think a judge will say exatly what I just said to you and you will get nothing more.  I think you need to talk to your ex about this and see if you can't do some type of mediation with her and see if she will not agree to some type of compromise with you on more time.

You are in a hard place being a police office which requires a lot of time away.  A judge is likely only to give you the time you already have.

[reellis527]

I also find it kind of funny that you only became extremely concerned when you got another girlfriend and I believe the courts might see it that way as well.  My daughters father does the same routine, he gets a new girlsfriend and drags me to court every couple of months, he has never won but I have also never been convicted of anything.

If you want you girls then you should fight for you girls but only if you consider you and your girlfriend not working out and it being just you and your girls.  You have to consider homework, finding child care, picking up and droping off from school and everything, but don't leave them in a dangerous situation either.

[msme]

Maybe I see it differently then you & the other poster. I saw him saying that he loved his kids & wanted to see them more. He also said that he now has a live-in GF & is afraid that his ex will try to use that as an excuse to keep him from seeing the kids. So, he is wondering if he should go to court to ask for more visitation & have it clarified that his GF is not a problem, before his ex does the opposite.

I was more concerned with her using the child for her shop lifting. If that is true, he should get full custody & she should only have supervised. My son gave his ex custody at first cuz he believed that kids did better with their mom. Boy was he in for a rude awakening. He went through hell trying to save them from her.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[futureuselesseater]

thing is the mom used the child to shoplift and dad still gave custody to the mom.  It is only now that he has a girlfriend that suddenly he is concerned about the kids being with mom.  The judge won't give him custody because of that.

[msme]

But he did say that he thought she had stopped. No one wants to believe the worst about the parent of their children, man or woman.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[Starcom]

No the 1st time she was busted  for shoplifting was a few years ago, I believed her when she said that she forgot she had put the items on one of the kids and left the stor forgetting the child had the item still.

The 2nd time was just before we got the divorce, and is when I discovered her afar. I didn't believe she would ever do it again because it was very embarrassing for us all.

I let her have main custody because she has always been better with helping the kids with their school work than I have, and with my job and being on 3rd shift couldn't be with the kids during the day hours much.

I believed at the time that it would be better for the kids to be with her mainly and for me to have the on my days off.

The 3rd time she got busted for shoplifting , it was just her the kids were in school, I talked to a lawyer and was told that scents the last two arrest were before the divorce and the kids weren't with here , that a judge most likely wouldn't change custody.  The event at Sears did involve my 11 year old son, but sears didn't press charges because they believed the mother had him do it, their for in court it would just be my or sears opinion of what was happening.

I do want my kids but she has to be arrested 1 more time in this state shoplifting or another time doing it with the kids before I can get them because of that.

Meanwhile she is now in the Catholic Church witch is telling her it isn't good for the kids to spend weekends with me because im in an immoral relationship with a woman, because we live together and are not marred.

I can't even tell them to ask her about the immorality of steeling are getting the kids to because IV gotten a letter from the lawyer saying I can't let them know about that.

I'm in the process of saving money for legal fees but after giving her 40% of my bring home pay for child support, and paying bills. I think theirs more money in the couch cushions than in my bank account.

[wendl]

If you have a court order stating the time you are to be with your children, then document your attempts to take your visitation as well as the mothers denial of not letting you have the kids on your court ordered weekend, then file contempt each time she violates the court order.

When you go pick up the kids, have a 3rd party with you so they can witness the mother denying visitation.

Best of luck.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**