someone watching children

[Sunshine1]

Ummmm, YES you are.  I am guessing that you are a custodial parent.  If you were on the other end of things, I don't think you'd be making these comments.  I could be wrong, but ask yourself WHY the CP can leave the child with whomever and the NCP can't?  That doesn't make any sense other than a person trying to control the NCP....which in this case Armydad's BM is trying to do just that.

He doesn't get that much visitation, he intends to keep it and share it with as much family as he can fit into that week until he gets back.  She isn't in any danger and is spending time actually getting to know these people since they live in different states.

[Gram]

It may not be about controlling the NCP. Hopefully it's about the parent wanting to spend as much time as possible with the child.

[Sunshine1]

But its not though. Read his post again.  It was ok for her to send them to her parents for a week, but when he does it, she is throwing a fit.  She wants to control what he does on his time.  He had asked for more time and it is was not allowed and she really didn't want to spend time with the child on that week she actually shipped her off to her grandparents house for the entire week he asked for.

All I am trying to say is that he has as much right to send her or have her cared for by different family members as much as the BM does.

[ilovemysd]

Gram,

Yes, I think you're too biased :-).  Parenting is not just the time physically you spend in your child's presence.  It is presenting the child with the whole picture.  By spending time with his family away from the dad, the child is able to form a picture of how dad believes a family should function.  The child sees the behavior of both the "mom" and the dad in the family, how they relate to each other.  The child sees the role of children in the household, how they are treated in an every day setting and how children are expected to behavior, in the father's family.  He sees the distinctness of how the family behaves both in the presence of dad and when he is gone.  He is able to live their lifestyle, by being under their roof, regardless of whether dad was there.

My sd comes for dinner on Wednesday nights.  I pick her up, and we have about 20-30 min. before Dad gets home.  I ask about her day, what she's learned.  She prepares dinner (something she is not allowed to do at her mom's house) while I ready myself and the home for Dad's arrival.  She greets Dad when he walks in the door, learning the proper behavior for welcoming him home. For awhile, Mom argued that sd should not go with me if he is not there, because it is not my time, it is dad's time, and if dad can't be present, then it should be mom's time.  Without this time, my sd wouldn't know what it is to have a mom who actually listens to her (she has told us that her mom just says, oh, and wow, and doesn't actually make a conversation with her).  She learns about household responsibility, which she doesn't learn at home.  She learns how to be a wife and mother, definitely not something she learns at home.  She and her mom live with her mom's family, which, from what I have seen, is a model for how not to live, and if she is not exposed to life without dad at our house, she would never learn what a Christian wife does.

I want to warn you too, having read some of your posts, that you need to step out of your daughter's? situation... Sitting in a family where both sides of grandparents became way too involved in the divorce/custody, I can tell you that by sticking your nose in, you will enable your grandchild's parents to never get along or work together, because you are placing yourself as a party in the situation.

My 2 cents...

[lawless]

You might want to ask Dear Socrateaser about this.
Lawless

[lawless]

While I agree that the children certainly benefit from time spent with steppies such as myself ;-), I can see in a perfect world of co-parenting that when the parent is away for a full week this might be offered to the other parent.  My opinion is that 20-30 minutes is certainly different than a full week.  If this is logistically difficult then it seems to me that if the BM is willing to transport, she be allowed to have the child for that week.  This is the way my ex and I have handled this situation.  We have an unofficial "right of first refusal" with anything more than a day or two.  This is easy for us, however, because we live 10 minutes apart.

On the other side, the BM of my SDs want a right of first refusal when the girls might have to spend a few hours with me and they are teenagers!  Ridiculous...especially since they can be home ALONE.

Of course, time spent with all family and adults related or unrelated who love the child and keep him or her safe, active, and healthy is time well spent.  

On a side note, I think it is important to only respond to the current questions or comments and not to add extra and personal advice or opinions when they are not asked for.

Lawless

[ocean]

No, it is to spend quality time with the father's side of the family just like the mother has done. If he has to be away one of the eight weeks for work then he finds "daycare" for them just as if the mother would.
I would not tell her all of your plans before hand. Just do what you do and when they get back they can tell mom all the fun they had at your parents house. During the next year, if you go back to court for something else, you can ask to add that part to clarify but it really is already. You have 8 weeks of parenting time. You are doing great! Good luck!

[madinbama]

I agree with the entire philosophy that what you do when your child is with you is your business.  I have the same problems with my EX...she is always trying to dictate, first what I have to do to see my son, and then what I have to do while my son is with me (read my post on the Father's Issues board).  Keep doing what you are doing, I believe there is no court going to order you otherwise.  I have encouraged my wife to take my son to MI to see my side of the family while he is with me, and he enjoys it!  I stay back in AL to work so that we may have the money to do things while he is here, and I always make it a point that we do something special during our summers together.  He is here 9 weeks (if she sends him on time) and we always get away for at least a week.  I inform the EX where he is at all times and she always has a phone number so she can call him whenever she wants to.  Other than that she has no say in what we do while he is here!  Good Luck!