Summer visitation

[backwardsbike]

Hi!

My NC kids will be coming for summer vistation tomorrow.  Their Cp adn I live approximately 30- 40 miles apart.  In the past they have insisted on going to meetings two to three times a week in thier Cp's home town.  These are Fire comapny and boy scout meetings.

The meetings last for about 90 minutes.  So if I take the childrena nd drop off I barely get home before ihave to go back to pick them up.  if I stay then I am lost to my other two children for two to three evenings a week becasue I have to leave home by 6:30 PM and don't get back til 9:30 or even 10:00 PM.

This is quite disruptive.  I mean, when do I get to have parenting time with my children?  Their Cp shows up at these meetings to "see the kids".  There is PAS in my case adn when the kids see CP they immediately get an attitude.  The meetings seems to be spaced so that Cp doesn't go more than 48 hours without seeing the kids.

I have thought about just not allowing the meetings this summer.  My DD will have a whole week of band camp in August plus every Thursday night practices and son works at a theater during the day and that will be three times a week.  I will be providing transportation for those things.

Plus at nearly $3 a gallon for gas it's gonna be expensive doing all this driving.

Has anyone had any expereince with this? Itsnot that I wanna keep the kids from doing what they want to do.  But sheesh, we do we get time to be a family?  

If I allowed all the activites I would be gone ( and them too) Monday evenings, Wednesday evenings adn Thursday evenings.  it would be a minimum of 60 miles each trip or 120 if I came home during the meeting.  So at the minimum it would be 180 miles a week, jsut for metings.  And then all the time lost from being a family.

[ocean]

Not sure how old they are but I would sit down with them and a blank calendar. Put in band camp and work schedules and then discuss where it would fit to bring them. I am sure many children go on vacation during the summer and they may not even have it scheduled every week. Call the firehouse/cub scouts and get the list of dates during the summer and ask them if it would alright if they can go once a month during the summer. Then when you sit with them, tell them that lots of kids miss over the summer and they can pick two times that you will make the drive. Good luck!

[micj05]

How old are the kids? It's a tough situation but you have to put them first. Are these new activities or have they been in them for a while?  You don't want to make them give up something that they really love......Can you find a cub scout troop in YOUR area that you son could attend while he's with you? I think you should  talk with the kids and sit down with a calendar,( like the other poster said) only block out a couple of weeks that is "family" time only. Remember though if you make that rule with them then EVERYBODY should abide by the same standard.

[gipsy]

Maybe you can get the boy scout  And fire company info and  Do a in home project to keep the kids up to pace , For some of the meetings ,
  I also know intact families that have several kids and the same issues ,
   Is there a boy scout meeting in the twon you are in and you could explain to the child that this is an opputunity to see what other scouts do etc ,
   I am fortunate and I have friends that have kids that go do stuff with my son and he is happy with his friends here also , So Maybe you could try to find some kids over there they couldplay with and that could change the interest level of whats going on over there ,
   And If You question PAS ,
  I think the closest My son has ever came is when I joined the negativity , When I started saying positive things to him About his mom and its ok that he loves her etc , It was clear to me that the deal flipped and He knew who  was bad mouting and who wasn't .
   Trust me it seems that I had to fire back about her bad behavior,
 But  What was thebest for My son was that I did not talk bad about Mom , And Guess what ?  She took him to counseling , And The one thing he knows is, who was doing the bad mouthing and it wasn;t me , And then it stopped and My son said His mom stopped ,
  I don't have to wonder what would have happened if there was a report from counseling that said I was involved in the bad mouthing ,

[awakenlynn]

I am not sure about the age of your kids, but I have been the cub den leader for my son for the last 2 years.  For us, when school ends in May, the scout meetings end too.  We might get together now and then, such as there is a Boy Scout camp in 2 weeks.  He will go to that.  That will be it till next school year.

My brother who is in the boy scouts still has meetings now and then to work on badges, but not ususally weekly.  The leaders are usually pretty understanding and can help you stick to a schedule to get activities done.  There may be things that need done as a group, but with enough time in advance and maybe requesting weekend meetings, you can arrange it better for everyone.

[backwardsbike]

Thanks for all your advice.  This was my first week of the summer.  Interestingly enough...my DS never mentioned wanting to go to any meetings-at all. In fact, we went to see my father on the nightt he boyscouts meet adn were coming thru the town about an hour after the meeting would have started.  there was some type of festival going on in the town.  My son said, " that's where the boy scouts are tonight.  I sure didn't wanna be there!".

You just can never tell with kids I guess.  My kids are DS 17, Dd 13, YDS 7 and custodial and YDD 3 and custodial.

Tis summer I have begun giving each child chores.  We never did that before.  i aslo made apoint to do somehting with just the older ones, a fun activity that the younger ones didn't participate in.  My goal is to make them feel like they really belong here.  Sad to say, i don't thin we got over the notion that they had just been "visiting".

Anyways, for the time being, things are better.