Infant Long Distance Visitation Plans....

[ocean]

HI,
I have a friend who needs ideas for a 9 month old to visit his father. They will be 7 hours apart-different states.  What have you guys done? Did it change as the child got older (before school-age)?
Thanks! :)

[Kimberly9]

How often does he see his Dad now?  Is there anyway to keep the parents closer?

[ocean]

Hi,
Mom has to move, she can not make it here on one salary. She is moving near her family. She wants to be fair to him but does not even know where to start when the child is this young. There really is not anything in the internet for babies....

[Kimberly9]

It is just so sad that there has to be such a distance. . . the baby needs frequent time with both parents.   When my stepson was about a year old, his mom moved him away from his dad for the same reasons.  It was very difficult . . . and honestly, if I was the dad I would do everything I could to prevent it. . . .but here are some things that can help:

Because Dad is not a stranger to the baby, overnights and extended visits should be ok.  The key will be maintaining some constency between the two homes.  My dh and his ex worked on the same daily feeding and bedtime schedule.  My stepson had the same bedding set and other similar items when he was small.  I don't know what Dad's work schedule allows. . . but if he has more than 2 days off in a row, the baby should be allowed to be with him during that time.  

My stepson came to see his Dad every other weekend from Thursday evening to Monday evening.  His Dad arranged his work schedule so that he could have a 4 day weekend off every other weekend.  This made it possible to avoid day care, but might not be possible for everyone.  They would meet half way.  This meant a late night for everyone, but the driving burden was divided.  When my stepson started preschool, his Mom found a Tuesday Wednesday Thursday program to accomodate this schedule.

My dh also had parenting time with his son for a week at Thanksgiving, a week after Christmas and two one week periods during the summer when he was a baby.

About the time that my stepson turned 2, his mom broke up with her boyfriend and my stepson became super clingy.  For a couple of months my dh visited in her hometown and stayed in a hotel with his son and also visited with him in Mom's home.  For a couple of times, Mom also  brought the child all the way to dh's home town and stayed at a hotel during the time he was with my dh.  This was too expensive and didn't last long . . . but got them through a rough spot and seemed to be what the child needed at the time.

Other things you can do. . .  
Make baby proof picture photo albums with pictures of Dad and his family to look at.
Have dad read stories and sing songs, talk to child etc. onto a cassette tape.
As the child gets older, phone and mail become a very important way to connect.
Use a web-cam so that Dad and baby can see each other between parenting times.

[ocean]

Thanks, I will print this out for her....
They went to court and the judge has them going to mediation. They did a lot of talking but really nothing came out of it. There is a law guardian but she just said that both parents love the child. Mediation is not until next month.

[gipsy]

Are  there any flights ,  Mom Made this This was difficult for me at that age . And I was living close ,
    Do the best you can , Untill the child gets older , Then maybe you can meet in the middle , Or move there for a job ,

[DecentDad]

I suggest that the parents agree to a 50/50 schedule (high-frequency of exchanges until child is late toddler, then more extended time in each home) on the basis that the father will move to the mother's new city.

Parties also agree that upon moving to the new city, if one parent therafter moves more than 20 miles away that parent concedes that the other home should become the primary one for stability of the child.

Keeping the parents together is critical for this kid.  If mom can't live in father's city, father has to live in mother's city.

If mother doesn't go for the 50/50 in her city, then parties will just have to let a judge decide what long-distance schedule would cause the least harm to the baby.  No parenting plan is ideal for a baby across 7 hours.  If the parents can work out their priorities and make it happen, the baby bears the brunt of it.

[ocean]

Thanks!
50/50 will be very expensive if they have to fly every week or drive every week. She offered one week every month up here and she will pay for flight 6x/per year.  She already said that he can have him anytime he is down there or wants to make the trip. They go to mediation soon so we will see....

[mistoffolees]

If I were the father, I'd fight for a restraining order to prevent the mother from leaving town. Actually, you can't prevent her from leaving, but you can prevent her from taking the child.

If she can survive financially in one city, she can probably do so somewhere else. Taking the child away at this age will ruin his/her relationship with the father - no matter how hard they try.

Seems to me like a classic case where moving away doesn't serve the best interests of the child.

[ocean]

Not to defend her but moving from NY to Virginia is a BIG difference in the standard of living. (and she thinks she can get the same salary from here by transferring). So many young people and new graduates leave here because you really can not make it on one salary anymore....
Mediation is soon, I will let you know what happens...