Visitation rights of father (never married to mother)

[bix]

Do I have a right to include my wife in visits with my son who is my child by another woman?

I have an 8-month-old son.  He is the child of someone with whom I had a relationship outside of my marriage, and I have remained in my marriage.  The mother supports my seeing my son, but she has refused any arrangement that would permit my wife to be part of the visits.  I feel that it would be best for my son if my wife knows him and can fully support my relationship with him, so that he does not feel like he is in some kind of war among the adults around him.

I believe that I have a right to visit with my son away from his mother's home, and that I have a right to include anyone in those visits who is not known to be abusive or dangerous to my son.  Is that correct?  

The mother is from another country and believes that because we were never married, she is "protected" in some way from allowing my wife to be involved.  Is there any difference between the rights of a divorced father, an unmarried father, and a father who was married to someone else when the child was born?

[ocean]

Do you have anythning through the courts right now regarding parenting time? If not, then you need to go and file for a parenting plan the details when you get the child. (She will proabbly go for  a child support order if she does not have one already). The parenting plan (there are some on this site) will detail when/where/times/dates of when you get child. Make it very detailed. You can make it gradual...now visits are xxxx. then when child reaches 1 years old....XXX ect...
Remember all the key points you should have in an order (holiday's , summers, birthdays). What happens when child goes to school?
Yes, all visits will be court ordered outside mother's home and you should be able to get overnights very quickly. At the very least you should be seeing child every other weekend, and one day during the week. It depends on your work schedules and how far away you are from mother. Your wife CAN be there for all visits unless she had a criminal record or something.
Good luck!

[williaer]

I believe Soc always says if you get "visitation", then no- you have no right to include anyone else and the custodial parent can dictate that...but if you have custody (shared, whatever)- then you can do whatever you want during your custodial period. I would file for joint legal and physical custody ( that doesn't necessarily mean 50-50, it can be whatever you decide) and include a part about financial issues- including child support, health insurance and incidental expenses. Be detailed- very, very detailed and if you are unsure- get an attorney to look over it before you file. You need to strike first- what makes you think she won't run with the baby? You need to file an injunction against her travelling anywhere with the child until the custody is sorted out. Don't call it visitation- because that's what you'll get. It's shared custody.

[Amy_in_MA]

Hmmmm...well, I've read the other two posts and don't necessarily agree in everything they say as I've seen otherwise.

My son's father and I were not married but living together. He moved out (and on to someone else) when I was 4.5 months pregnant. When our son was born and we went to court, our son was 12 weeks old. He hadn't attempted to see him or ask about him (except for the day he was born when he came to my hospital room with his girlfriend). The courts wanted short frequent contact for him with the child (2 to 3 times per week for 1-2 hours), which I didn't have a problem with, but father said he couldn't do that. He had moved 45 minutes away (used to live 10 minutes from us). Instead, he wanted to take the child outside of the home every other Saturday for the day. Courts said no way, too long and too infrequent. Said he could do it in my home. He refused to do that unless he could bring his girlfriend. Court said fine because otherwise he refused to see the child at all. So, basically think about the fact that the bottom line is whatever will allow the most contact with both parents is what the parents go with, regardless of how the parents feel about it.

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