CONTEMPT

[iLUVmySD]

My 6 year old SD went to visit BM in Nevada (from Arizona) as ordered for Labor Day weekend visit.  She was supposed to return on Monday September 4th; however that didn't happen.

The week before the visit some little boys at SD's school said some bad things about my SD's relationship with my husband (SD's BF).  The sheriff and CPS was called to investigate per protocal.  SD denied the things that the little boys were saying and the sheriff's case was eventually closed.

During SD's visit to BM's house over Labor Day weekend, SD mentioned to BM that the cops had been talking to her at school.  BM freaks out, calls the Sheriff in Arizona and confirms that they had indeed spoken with SD that week, but could not give her any specific information.

So Monday the 4th rolls around and my husband and I are getting ready to drive to the airport to pickup my SD when BM calls my husband and states that SD will not be on the plane because she fears for SD's life and that she has a restraining order against my husband.  BM then hangs up on my husband and will not answer the phone when we tried to call back.

We immediately filed a police report in Arizona, however after about 12 hours of waiting we realized that they couldn't do much of anything because my SD was in Nevada.

Finally on the following Tuesday, we called the Nevada courthouse to check if indeed a restraining order had been filed and the woman on the phone said that one was being done at that very moment.  My husband flew up to Nevada that day.  Well to make a long story short...he filed a petition to dissolve the order in Nevada and on September 15th at the hearing the Judge did dissolve the restraining order based on BM's testimony being hearsay and that Nevada did not have jurisdiction over custody (because the custody order is in Arizona).

So now here we are, my SD is home, Thank God! But I have questions about what to do next.
We would like to file contempt charges against BM for not returning SD on specified day in the custody order.  In addition she refuses to reimburse us for transportation costs as specified in the order, and over the summer she did not adhere to the weekly allowance of phone calls my husband was suppose to have with my SD while she was visiting there.
Does anyone have any experience with this or something similar?  Ideally we would like to get the 12 days with my SD that this incident cost us back and make BM's visitation more strict.  Any thoughts?

[Ref]

I can't help but feel bad for the stress put on you, but I have to side with BM.

If I didn't hear about something as serious about a police investigation regarding my kid and my ex only to find out from my child. Then, when trying to figure out what is going on, the cops won't tell me specifics like "BF was cleared and nothing inappropriate happend". I couldn't imagine sending her home until these things were cleared up. I think your first mistake was not telling her everything that was going on, at least AFTER he had been cleared. It sounds like she was very concerned about SD's saftey, and how can you blame her?

I can't imagine she would get anything more than a slap on the wrist, if not a shake of her hand, for doing what she did.

How far off were the phone calls? None, some, almost all? You have to look at it to see if the judge will see you as being petty. The judge also may take into account that BM was under the impression that SD was being hurt at your home and find this contempt excusable.

Asking for extra time usually is frowned upon for custodials, at least in my experience. If you have significantly more time than BM, the judge might see taking the little time away from BM as being vindictive and not because you truely need it in the best interest of the child.

You may want to caulk this one up to a misunderstanding and move on.

Best of Luck,

Ref

[Mamacass]

I kind of agree with Ref on this one.  I would check with your lawyer to see what he thinks.  They may tell you to issue a show cause so that the courts have record of the time and phone calls that you were denied.  But on the other hand you may end up looking petty like Ref said.  
I know that several months ago my SS's BM actually made some threats to harm me while talking to DH.  We ended up having to let it go.  If I pressed charges it looked like we were being petty (not good when we were preparing to try to get custody).  and I couldn't get a protective order since I'm not family to the BM and we've never resided in the same house.  DH could have gotten a protective order and put me and our son on it, but then he wouldhn't be able to speak directly to BM about their son.  They would have to have a 3rd party go between for communication.
So basically, look at everything involved and decide if its worth it.  Sure she was wrong, and yes you lost some time.  But in the long run is issuing a show cause going to help or hurt the situation?  

[williaer]

Yes, I'm thinking this is one of those cases where you have to put yourself in her shoes....what would you have done if she had custody and SD came toyour house to visit and sais "the police talked to me at school"- and it was totally news to you. I know you don't owe her play by play, but it is still her daughter and always will be.

[iLUVmySD]

I can understand that opinion and we may not push the matter if she will renegotiate the visitation arrangement but here is some additional details that I forgot to mention that may or may not make a difference or clarify things for you all. :)
On the Tuesday before my SD left BM got paperwork that my husband has filed for child support.  Her first reaction on the phone to him was that she would rather sign over her parental rights then pay to support their daughter.
We did not call her to tell her about the situation when we first learned about it on Thursday August 31st before my SD left to go to BM's house the next day one because we didn't know anything about it.  No one would tell my husband any details either.  And two because we thought that it might be a malicious attempt to gain the upperhand in their dispute by BM and gain custody in order not to pay child support.
I just think that she is going to try to get my husband for every petty thing that she can, and so it has put us into that mindset of getting her back.
I guess we will see...it's hard to see outside the box when you are in the middle of it with all the whirlpool of emotions.  Thanks all for your opinions...it's very helpful. :)

[Ref]

Sorry to hear that you have to deal with this.

She doesn't sound like a great mom, but she doesn't seem to be a danger to the child. I can't imagine you getting any change in visitation or contempts based on what you stated. I hate to say it, but it sounds like you really don't have much leverage to get her to renegotiate the visitation either.

I would focus on the CS case and drop all the other stuff. What you need to see is the judge's priority is supposed to be the Best Interest of the Child. Her holding SD because she thought she might be in danger can seem very reasonable. You will appear to not care about the child but about yourselves and punishing mom if you try to tack that on. Even if this isn't true it may LOOK that way to the judge and you realy don't want that.

IMHO, just do what you need to to make the child financially cared for and drop all the other complaints,legally. (You can complain all you want here. That's what we are here for).

Best of Luck
 Ref

[dipper]

I dont agree with the others.  It sounds as if your sd explained as much as she could -and if she didnt tell bm that bf had did bad things to her, then bm severely overreacted.  Plus, this happened shortly before the visit....there should be some type of reasonable time frame for notifying of events such as this to me.  

The child had not been hurt, she didnt make the accusations, etc......it was other kids that caused this.  I can understand your way of thinking - ploy by bm to involve CPS.  AS parents, we do want to know when something happens to our children and we have the right to know.  BM had the right to know....but, its not like you were hiding it.....

BM, in my opinion, should have called, chewed dh out and then found out what actually took place.  Chances are, she wasnt going to believe him anyway.....but, she should be have asked her daughter if anything has taken place and listened to her words...

I think a show cause could be in order for all of these things....

[iLUVmySD]

Well right now my husband is trying to get her to go back to mediation as it is a condition of their agreement that both parties go to mediation before any further court action.  However, BM has completely ignored any requests thus far and it is looking like he is going to have to get a judge to order her return to mediation.  Depending on the cost if we have to go to court to get her to even go to mediation we might just take it that next step further to try to get some time lost back.

It's just such a yucky situation and things have gotten so petty for example when my husband picked up SD on 9/15 after court, BM didn't even return any of her luggage we had sent with her for the visit.  And when he requested SD's things back, she said that she thought the clothes were not appropiate for a 6 year old and that she would not return them, even though most of the things we packed BM had bought over the summer visit.  She then added that she would like every toy and outfit that she has ever bought her daughter back.

My husband wrote BM a certified letter requesting mediation and detailing the reasons why, and we have not received the signature confirmation back in the mail which tells us that she is ignoring the notice to pick it up at the post office.  I don't understand how she thinks shutting down and not cooperating is good for her daughter...oh that's right she's not thinking about her daughter.  (Sorry for the venting...thanks all for your opinions!)