Therapist's recommendations

[WhatToDo]

Awhile back I posted about my fiance's ex not allowing him ANY of his visitation and no phone contact with his daughter since April.

About a month ago my fiance' called his ex so he could try to talk to his daughter (he called every week but no one would ever answer). His ex answered that time and yelled at him saying he was nothing but a sperm donor and she was done dealing with him. She basically told him she would not cooperate in any way and he wasn't going to see his daughter.

 ABout a week after that, my fiance' wrote a letter to his daughter's principle asking for her records, etc. The principle told my fiance that he contacted his ex, and when he told her that my fiance' had sent a letter asking for these things, she got upset and said that she was going to possibly pull his daughter out of school. (she only went there for Music and P.E. THe rest of the time she was home schooled.) The day after his ex found out about the letter to the school, his daughter was not in class.

There had been no contact with his ex since the "sperm donor" conversation.So this last friday, my fiance' gets a call from his ex saying that she wants him to take his daughter to her therapist and the therapist will make a recommendation on how often he should see his daughter. (He currently is supposed to have her every other weekend)

Now of course we know that the therapist doesn't have the final say in this matter. We are still taking his ex to court for contempt and to change the custody agreement. Are there things my fiance' should avoid saying to the therapist? His ex has some motive here...we're just not sure what it is. Anyone else ever run into something like this? She just out of the blue calls him and is being all nice.

[backwardsbike]

Hi!

I'm a NC mom.  I have been for 6 years adn have had much contact with all types of therapsits, evalautors etc.  The most inmportantt hing I can say to your fiance is this:  Make everything you say about the child and his or her best tinterests.  Its not I was denied vistation.  its My child was denied the right to spend time with me adn that is not in her b est interest because____.  He needs to learn to think this way.  it must alwasy be about the child.

I don't doubt for a minute that he is interested in his child's best interests. But my point is he has to convey that and only that to the therapist.

I always try very hard to not look like the loser my X paints me to be adn have found support from some quarters where it was highly unexpected.

I recently was investigated by CYS due to a complaint my X lodged which was baseless.  But we all know that CYS workers are not always logical and baseless claims have been responsible for people loosing thier kids lots of times.

I am low income although well educated.  I am just disabled.  I know well that people around here equate poor with dumb.  So whe CYS showed up unannounced at my door I took a deep breath adn said, " Come on in, I'v ebeen waiting for you."  They were flabbergasted.  I explained that my X had just been found in contempt the week before so I had been expecting that he would call them as it has become a well established pattern.

I spoke openly.  Signed all thier consents.  And the next day I sent them a well written letter detailing exactly what I do for my children, what I feel is in thier best interets and why, how I take care of them with my limited means when I have them etc etc.

When CYS came back to close the case they said my letter was pivotal in thier decison that my fmaily did not need any services.  Do not be what they all expect you to be.  Be one step a head of them at all times. And as I said, its always about the child.

Good luck witht he therapist.  And I am glad you know the therapist doesn't have the final say.  ho knows, you may create a valuable ally for yourself.

[WhatToDo]

Thank you for the advice! We often talk about how his daughter is being deprived of having a relationship with not only him, but with the grandparents, great grandma, Aunts, uncles...etc...this child doesn't know any of them. It's very sad when children can't even talk to their own families.