I'm so proud of my SS

[Mamacass]

Let me start of by saying, BM is only supposed to see him a few times a year by court orders, but we have allowed her to have him every other weekend, and even agreed to let her pick him up for a few hours each week on Tuesdays.  She picked out the day of the week that she would pick him up.  We have really tried to work with her and keep her involved in SS's life.  She doesn't work, so she doesn't have schedule to work around (or at least none that she's told us about).

Well, soccer season started again, and of course stepson asked to play again.  We got the schedule last week, and he has practices Tuesday and Thursday every week.  Bm decides that she no longer wants to pick SS up on Tuesdays since he has practice and that she now wants to pick him up on Wednesday.  DH told BM yesterday that if she wants to continue to pick him up during the week, that its fine with us, but we aren't changing the day of the week and that if she picks him up on Tuesday, we expect that she will take him to practice.  

Well BM was pretty irritated with that and tells DH that SS doesn't like soccer and told her he doesn't want to play.  She says she knows he would rather spend time with her than go to practice.  She tells DH that he just doesn't want her to pick SS up on a different day.  Dh tells her he's surprised, b/c SS seems to love soccer, and that she's right, he doesn't want to switch days (mostly b/c between soccer and therapy, SS has enough going on, plus I changed my schedule to work around BM having SS on Tuesdays).  So BM tells him that she will continue to pick up SS on Tuesday, but he won't be going to practice on her days.  

Her and DH discuss for a few minutes, then she convinces him to let SS decide whether ot not he will go to practice.  (Don't start on me here, DH felt really bad about putting SS in the middle.  I think BM got him so flustered that he didn't think it out first.)  

Anyways, SS gets on the phone with his mom, he's listening to her for a minute.  Then he tells her, "No I would rather play soccer."  I don't know what she said to that, but he gets quiet for a minute, so I guess she was talking to him some more, then he tells her again, "I want to got to soccer practice."  The conversation ended pretty quickly after that.

Afterwards, we told him that there was no right or wrong answer, and that no one was going to be mad at him at all for his decision.  DH also apologized to SS for putting him in a position where he had to make such a tough decision.  SS tells us, "I like soccer and I don't want to let my team down."  I thought that showed a lot of responsibility from a 7 y/o.  

I have to say, I am so proud of him.  It has taken him a while to get to this point where he can stand up to his mom.  He has missed out before, because he feels that she needs him, and so he used to do whatever she wanted so that he wouldn't disappoint her.  I think before we got custody he believed that he always had to do whatever his mom wanted.  She had the attitude that as his mom her opinion was the only one that mattered when it came to SS and she had told him and us as much.  I'm glad that he was able to see past what his mom wanted, and make a decision for himself last night.  But don't get me wrong, we don't plan on putting him in this position again.

I feel bad that his mom has decided not to pick him up rather than take him to practice.  But that isn't our fault.  She did the same thing last season, and only kept him for 1 day instead of 2 days each weekend so that she wouldn't have to take him to his soccer game.  I'm still not sure what her problem is with SS playing sports, but I hope she gets over it.  SS really wants her to come watch him play, and he is disappointed that she won't.  I learned a long time ago, I can't make her be a better parent, no matter how much I want to.  

[krazyfamily_6]

We have the same issues here in regards to sports or extra curriculars.  My ex husband refuses to let our children participate in extras during their time together.  We don't allow the kids to participate in more than one activity at a time so I don't feel that it is too much.  They have missed numerous baseball/soccer games because of this.  I'm really not expecting their dad to give this time up, just be involved with the kids and what they are doing.  It only takes a couple of hours out of his day!

[Mamacass]

We have decided to only do 2 sports a year- soccer in the spring and football in the fall.  The boys want to do swim classes during the summer, and we have told them we will think about it.  We have already said no to karate because we feel they need some down time in between seasons where they don't do sports.  If it were up to them, they would be doing something year round.

The dumb thing is, BM isn't even supposed to have him during the week.  We just were trying to be nice.  She has decided to give up the mid-week we were letting her have until soccer season is over in 2 months.  She's the one missing out, and while I feel bad that SS is disappointed, I can't do anything about it.  As much as SS would like for her to come to his games and practices, we can't force her too be involved.  And we can't continue to bend over backwards to schedule visitation time for her based on her whims.  

I just don't want to hear her whining later.  Last season she got upset with DH and whined that he wouldn't let her pick SS up on fridays.  DH had to remind her that she was welcome to pick him up every other friday but that she would need to take SS to practice and to his game on Saturday.  Her reply was "I can't wait till he's done with soccer", and she continued to pick him up Saturdays after the games.  (this too, was not court ordered time, just us being nice).  

I'm just impressed with my SS for being responsible about playing sports and insisting on going to practice.  And I'm also proud of him for standing up to his mom.  He's come a long way, and while I know he still has a lot of issues when it comes to his mom, it made me feel really good that he was able to stand up to her.