Limit visitation?

[dipper]

Hi, just wanted some feedback on this issue.  DH got custody of son June 06.  Judge reversed visitation, giving bm 3 weekends per month and six weeks during summer, plus a schedule on holidays, etc....BM is to notify dh ahead of time her plans for visitation.

So, last November ss refused to visit her due to some 'lies' she told probation officer and honestly, we feel she did so because she would rather have him removed to juvie than here with us.   They were complete lies - about community service and his breaking curfew while with us....She also had an overnight with her lover/cousin who she has dated on and off for years now.  SS had brought home some games one weekend after being with bm and her cousin.  Said the guy let him borrow games.  AFter ss refused to go back to visit her, she called one night weeks later accusing ss of stealing games.  DH had ss to collect games and return them directly to her cousin/bf.  She then demanded dh pay for supposed damages to games and said a game was missing.  DH told her he would not pay for anything...she took ss to this man's house and as far as we know, games were in fine condition.  She fussed only about games for a month...never mentioned visitation to dh...dh finally wrote to her cousin who would not answer or return dh's calls and she shut up after that.....

She did not speak to dh about visitation, dealt simpy thru ss and didnt make any requests thru dh for visitation.  

In April she requested visitation for the first time and dh agreed in writing to her request.  however, she came for a counseling appt for ss and after talking to counselor alone, she changed the visitation and only saw ss for three days.  

She has not requested visitation since.

She has been going 3 - 4 weeks without calling ss.  In the past three weeks, she has spoken with him weekly and has asked twice when he was coming to see her.  He has told her he didnt know and it was left at that.  Mind you, she is not requesting thru dh...just talking to ss and doing so now when dh is working.

Whenever she talks to ss, she mentions her weekends with bf/cousin.  She goes to his house on friday and stays until Sunday.

Today, she had invited oss and his gf to her cousin's for dinner.  OSS' birthday is in a few days.  OSS asked ss to come.  When he called his mother to see if it was okay, she said no, ss could not come to her cousin's home.

SS will be 16 in November.  He would like to get a job.  BM is not paying her portion of medical bills.

We feel she isnt going to pay them as she thinks she will charge dh with contempt of visitation if dh pursues the bills.

She has clearly chosen her bf - who she sees every weekend and will not allow ss in his home - over ss.

We are considering waiting until near ss' birthday and then filing contempt on medical and limiting visitation as she does not use visitation she has and therefore, has basically relinquished those rights.  

On one hand, I feel she will start demanding visitation if dh goes for the money she owes.  As long as visitation stands as it is, she kinda has dh over a barrell, or thinks she does.

ON another hand, she owes the money.  And as long as the visitation order stays as is, she can demand a year from now to see ss three weekends and it would have to be given or be in contempt.....so, since she isnt using it and he is at an age to want to work part time....it would be in his/our best interest ultimately to ask for it to be reduced...

Any thoughts - should we let it ride...just hope she doesnt start pushing it and forget the money......or file for the money and try to use her own record against her regarding visitation so that cannot be held over our heads?

[ocean]

Visitation and child support/medical are two different things. You should file for the past medical bills. They told me to send the receipts by certified mail to prove you gave them to her...wait the amount of days it states it your order for her to pay you back, then bring it to the CSE office. They were able to add it to the arrears since it already is an order. No court... See if you can do that in your state.

Visitation-You could ask to have it modified but at 16 you will not be held in contempt if he does not want to go. Especially once he gets a job and is working. If she files for contempt she will have to prove she asked for it and came to your house and he was not there....The court would talk to SS and ask what he wants too....

Good luck!

[Sunshine1]

Also.. I kept an exerpt from Soc on kids getting jobs.  He said there is nothing a NCP can do about a work schedule.  Judges "usually" side with the child's desires to get a job.  

Also you can't force him to go either, and I really don't think that is a can of worms she wants to open.  He is going to march right in there and tell the judge he doesn't want to go.  

[dipper]

I understand they are different issues, but I think she feels she can just not pay since ss isnt visiting her - like dh would be scared to file.  

We did ask CSE if they would enforce the medical order and here in Virginia...they wont.  They said we would have to take her to court on our own...I think only if a judge orders them to withhold extra for medical will they actually do it.  Not right, dh has an order and CSE will not enforce that part...

[Sunshine1]

Whooooaaa.  Those worthless child support don't get paid enough to care.  that is why you have to take matters into your own hands.

My worthless worker said the same thing.."he's not technically in arrears"  Really?? 800.00 in unpaid medical expenses is not arrears huh?

I followed their bull, and followed their paperwork to a T and they still wanted to deny the medical arrears.  Then I showed them my contempt motion that I filed and howdy do..lookie there, he is in arrears now.  Wierd.

Post your exact text of your order concerning medical arrears and I think I can lead you in the right direction.  If its in the order, they HAVE to enforce it.  They just don't want to.