Tried to to it alone, but..........

[beenhurtenuff]

Hi,
A bit of background....

My ex-gf and I have a 6 yo girl.  About a year ago, my ex and I called it quits.  We just didn't get along together, but we both love our daughter very much.  We agreed upon joint custody between ourselves, with no involvement of the State.

FYI, I am in Island County, WA, and the ex is in Snohomish county, WA.

When we split, our daughter was in Kindergarten.   Since my ex moved to another school district, we agreed that our doughter would live with me during the week, (for school) and with my ex on weekends (I work weekends, so this saved on daycare for us both).

We also agreed, that there would be no child support, either way.  Although our daughter spends more time with me, than with her, my ex has been unable to maintain employment.  She is always fired within a few weeks.  Also, I provided my ex with health insurance, at a cost of about 220 a month.  If we had been married it would have cost about 10 a month, but as domestic partners, it was a lot more expensive, and was taxable.

To get to the point, over the last year, my ex has used our daughter to extort me.  when she loses a job, she asks for money.  I always gave when I could, but when I could't, she would withold visitation.  

She just had a baby yesterday (not mine).  She called and said she was in labor, and needed me to pick up our daughter (summer break, so we had a mutually agreed on visitation schedule).

Early yesterday evening, she called and said she had had her baby.  I congratulated her and asked about the baby.  She gave me the vitals, and put the dad on the phone.  I congratulated him, and after a long conversation, with him expressing his fears about my ex, I warned him to get a parenting plan (they have never been together, their child was the product of a night's passion).

An hour or so later, I was awakened (after midnight) by a knock at the door.  It was the Island County Sherrif.  I was informed by the officer that my ex had called and said I was packing, and leaving the state with our daughter.  I was at a loss.  Why would she say that?

As we spoke, the officer noted that all the lights were out.  Also, he couldn't help but notice that I was on my front porch, in the middle of the night, in my skivvies!  He said there was obviously no problem, appologized for my inconvenience, and left.  He also said he was sorry I got mixed up with such a "Looney Toon" (refering to the ex).

I can't handle anymore.  I contacted a lawyer this morning.  I filed for custody of our daughter. When the ex found out, she was furious.  When she was released from the hospital, she came by here, staked out the house, and while I was in the house getting charcoal for the grill, pulled up on the side of the road and took our daughter.

There is no parenting plan.  She is not guilty of kidnapping.  But what she did was wrong!  Even the respnding officer showed regret that he could not help me.  He even mentioned that if I was to take our daughter back, I could not be arrested.

I don't feel that taking her back is right.  I want her back, but don't want to hurt her.  I also don't want to aggrevate the situation between myself and her mom.  Any suggestions on what to do?

I am upset now, and may have left things out.  Ask questions if you need clarification on anything.  I covered all I could under ther circumstaces.

Thank you all,
Beenhurtenuff

[gemini3]

How long has it been since she came and took your daughter?  

The good news is, if you can prove that she's been with you during the week all this time the judge should have no problem filing a temporary order so your daughter can be with you until the final hearing.  Has your lawyer filed an emergency order for temporary custody?  If not, he needs to do that today.

Good luck.  You're in for a battle, but it will all turn out for the best.  My best advice to you is to start keeping a journal.  Call your daughter every day (whether or not you're allowed to talk to her).  If you state is a one party state, record your calls.  I would also recommed the book "Win Your Child Custody War".  It's full of really good information.

[beenhurtenuff]

She was taken at 6:30 PM last night (PDT).  By the time the Sherrif informed me there was nothing he could do, it was about 8:00. I figured my attorney's office was closed until this morning, but I will call him ASAP.

Thanks!
B

[mistoffolees]

I hope other people will learn from your situation. Anyone starting out on this process take note: YOU NEED A PARENTING PLAN and YOU NEED TO HAVE IT APPROVED BY THE COURT. It must include discussion of all the relevant topics - custody, visitation, support, etc.

I don't care how well you get along with the ex or what the situation is, it has to be approved by the court to have any validity. If you can reach an agreement without attorneys, fine. BUT GET IT APPROVED BY THE COURT.

You need to hope that she doesn't come back on you for back support. Good luck.

[backwardsbike]

BTDT.  Ihad amediated agreement that I was too dumb to take to court to have it made into an order.  One year later my X got custody adn all the work we put into the mediation- $90 an hour at that time and over a year of meetings- was gone like the wind and I was treated as if Ihad never had 50-50.

Get any agreement approved by the court.