KIDS want to decrease visitation with Father

[SusanCase]

I have 2 Girls age 9 and 13.  They go to his house every other weekend and Wendsday afternoons.  They are at the age where they feel neglected and verbally abused and do not like going there anymore. He works on Saturdays and his new wife watches them. She gets along with my girls but has her own schedule of things to do on Saturdays.  When their father IS home, he generally does not even see the girls, he just puts them in front of a television and goes into the basement and does his own thing. He moans and complains when their activities fall out on HIS days, even tho in our divorce agreement it says he has to take them to their activities. (He does NOT, he sends his wife to, she does)
My girls get called "BRAT" all the time and NEVER seem to spend any time with their father except to go on some errands with him to a hardware store and such.  Can I possibly get a Right of First Refusal or something put into the agreement by the courts to at least get my girls when he is working on "HIS" weekends and then return them to him?  He will NOT agree to this and yelled so badly to my girls that they were shaking the next time they had to visit him.  They don't even want to GO anymore, my 13 year old has about had it.  Do you think the courts will let me reduce his visitation a bit?

[ocean]

The courts won't reduce it without hard evidence. Remember you are only hearing one side of the story too. My skids go home and repeat everything I say and totally out of context. The BM calls screaming and we do not even know why because the kids just left happy.
Send them games, movies, projects, and things from home to do. They are at a hard age. Can they bring a friend with them sometimes?

[gemini3]

No, I don't think that the courts will reduce his visitation.

You should keep in mind that kids are master manipulators.  If they think they'll benefit by making dad out to be the bad guy to you, they're going to do it.  My husband and I are on the receiving end of this on a regular basis.  

The non-alienating thing to do, in my opinion, would be to sympathize with the kids that life sucks sometimes and that they should try to work through these issues with their father.  You have to realize that just because it's called "visitation" doesn't mean the kids get a mini vacation every time they go to visit their father.  That's bad for them, and very disruptive to the other family.  

You, and the girls, need to realize that the other family has lives and schedules and their way of doing things.  In a family everyone gets tasks to complete.  What's wrong with their step-mom taking them to their activities?  If you and your ex-husband were still married, would you take them to activities or just their dad?

Usually first right of refusal applies to periods of 24 hours or more, and it's reciprocal.  That means you would have to let him have the kids if you were working.  Would you want that?

[olanna]

you kids fibbers, but having been a part of this step parenting game, I can say that kids will twist a sitch so that they can get their way.

Your 13 year old is more than likley missing her friends.  I have one too, and he pulled a lot of this type of stuff to get out of going because he wanted to skateboard with his buds.

Instead of trying to decrease the time, which could really have an adverse affect on a growing relationship, why not suggest counseling or parenting classed for everyone?

If you get a family counselor involved, and the counselor sees the issues you describe, you could use that to reduce time. And if you get the counselor involved, you could actually see that things get better in the relationship the kids have with Dad.  

I haven't read anyone else's post to you, so I am sorry if this is a repeat.

Best to all of you.

[mango]

Life at dads doesn't mean that they get "full attention" on his parenting time. I think that the whole idea is that they share life in each home, and that means good with the bad. I'm sure there are times when at moms that mom has to work too.

My hubby's X feels we have do "only things that pertain to her" daughter on his weekends. My own daughter had a dance recital and you would think it was so horrible that we had something scheduled for someone else in the family on her weekend with us. Life does go on...

The idea is that she "share family life" with us/dad, and to sacrifice things and do for others is actually good for her. Teaches them about family dynamics.