Father needs help! can anyone tell me where to start!?

[bo_bo]

I have recently divorced my wife after 4 years of marriage and 2 years of fighting and constant breakups.  
We used to live in San Diego, but I moved back to the Central Valley where my family lives.  I have since then been dragged to court for child support, daycare cost...ect which I don't mind paying at all!!! I've had to take time off work, travel to San Diego, go to court, and yet I don't get to see my son.  I was granted the third weekend of every month for visitation.  My current work schedule is nights and I only get one weekend (Fri-Sun) every five weeks off, so this doesn't always land on "my" weekend to see my son.  My ex-wife is impossible to talk to or get along with, and refuses to let me see my son when I call to pick him up.  All she wants to talk about is my personal life and how I'm such a bad father!  I refuse to give up my time with my son and I want more that one weekend a month with him.  I've talked with a Lawyer in Visalia, and he basically made it seem like there is NOTHING I can do because I live in a different county.  Is this correct?  I have started a new life here and don't want to move back, but on the other hand I love and want to be a part of my sons life on a regular basis!!  I refuse to believe that my only option is to move back to San Diego.  Is there anyone out there that has been in a similar situation that can tell me where to start!? I'm totally lost, confused and miss my son!!!

[Kitty C.]

There's LOTS of lawyers out ther and you just happened to talk to a dud.  Many offer free consultations so start scouting some more.  And  his comment that there's nothing you can do because you live in a different county is pure, unadulterated bullshit.

[mandi]

I agree with Kitty, there is alot that you can do, just don't give up and continue to search for the right lawyer.  Make sure that you find one that deals only with family law.  My husband and I have learned our lesson about the one.  Whatever you do, DO NOT GIVE UP and don't let yourself get down to her level.
*~Mandi~*

[Peanutsdad]

Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm



One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.

Good luck,, keep us posted.

[takingitallin]

find a lawyer that WANTS to represent you and help bring you and your son together.  He is your son too, and you have a right to him too.  You have a right to change your schedule with the court to be every 5th weekend, which would fit your work schedule, work out a Holiday schedule that would rotate every other year, you have a right to your son during school vacations and summer vacations, you have a right to request a court order to call and talk on the phone to your son on X day at X time.   And yes, I do believe that all of this should be in a court order.   Some x's are worth putting the extra time and money into putting these things into a court order!   Hopefully your exwife will move on with her life and stop trying to figure out what you are doing with yours!  You also have a right to Joint Legal Custody.  Do you have this?  This will allow you access and joint decision making with your son's schooling and medical care.  Then you can request his medical records, prescription records, school report card, copies of school work - all without going through your exwife!  Much better this way!!!!   I am happy to share this stuff with my ex-husband, but my SO's ex-wife is a manic depressive from Hell!  So we go direct to the doctors and school.  It works out much better!

Keep looking for that attorney, and good luck!!!!

[oneandonly]

David Casey-he's based out of east county in San Diego but does cases in San Diego court.  He's in the book~

[bo_bo]

Hey thanks for those sites and for your feedback.  I will definitely look into all that information!

[tjraid18]

 realize that your only option is through the courts. i tried dealing with my ex and went back and forth with her for years. It did me and my kids no good. My position with the court is a lot worse off than if I had just stuck to my guns 4 years ago. once you realize your only recourse is going to come through the courts (It's very, very frustrating I know) Then carefully begin to take the steps you need to ,to work within the legal system in your area. There are some good lawyers out there. If you overhear somebody talking about how they are getting screwed over like you are at the gas station, laundry mat, grocery store or whatever---- talk to them. Maybe you can hear of a good attorney this way, or some other helpfull info. Read other peoples posts. I don't have any direct answers for you but I know where your coming from. Theres a lot of good info. here & theres a lot of us out there like you. Be as involved as you can & keep on trying. Good luck.

[desperatestepmom]

Go to court to get shared parenting. My ex and I have shared parenting and he lives in another state.  She cannot keep you from your son (legally) With shared parenting the child can live with her but will give you the right to see him at any time that you want.  If she refuses then you can take her in for contempt of court.  Good Luck, your child is lucky to have a father that wants to be in his life after the divorce.