Change of perspective... just rambling

[oklahoma]

I have just been pondering the past couple weeks how much the past couple years have changed my perspective in regards to single moms, visitation, child support, etc.  I used to be the type of person that took you at your word and never really considered that it may not be truth.  Now I have a pretty good picture of what my husband's ex is painting and KNOW that it is wrong--so I always question what other BMs say, as well as NCPs.

I have recently made friends with a single mom whose daughter is my son's age.  She off-handedly mentioned the other day that she lives off of her child support, and it really bothers me.  In her defense, she has basically no bills of her own because she lives with an aunt, AND her daughter is well-cared for, but not extravagantly so.  And I have no idea what kind of contact--if any--the dad has with his beautiful little girl (she is a real sweetheart!)

I have another acquaintance who is a stepmom, and who happened to mention that they were "stopping by" to see her SS on the way to her family's house for Christmas.  It is "too expensive" for them to visit him EOW as in the parenting plan.  Her SS does live a few hours away, but again, it just bothers me.  I am very proud of the fact that while we lived 4 hours away (one-way) from my SDs we missed only 3 weekends in one year (then BM decided to stop allowing us visitation.)

And over and over again, I see other stepmoms, how they deal with things--some I agree with, some not.   I associate with CP moms and just wonder what they do to damage (or support) the relationship between father and child.  I absolutely scrutinize anything I hear on the news, or even fictional stories or shows, with any mention of divorced parents or an absent father.  It is a whole new world that has opened up to me in the past 4 years.  I think I am grateful for the new awareness....

[Kitty C.]

Meeting my husband, seeing what he's going thru, and being a part of this site has opened my eyes as well.  And I thought I was doing good just to let go of the animosity towards my son's father!

And the shocking evidence of this new awareness was just recently at a legislative forum I attended, where a state legislator (and divorcee) told me point blank that no judge would go for mandatory shared custody because it just wouldn't work.  I think I had to pick my jaw up off the floor after that one!  And she was DEAD serious, too!  (Notice I said 'she'?)  But the other three legislators there commended me on my being prepared, the handouts I gave them, and my committment to the cause.  This forum was sponsored and held at my church and I even had members of my church later come up to me and commend me on my determination.

While I can see where both DH and the PBFH went wrong with their marriage, I still know that how she's using SS as a weapon to get back at DH is wrong, wrong, wrong.  I've often thought that, if anything were to happen to DH and I and we split, she'd eventually come to me to rub it in and say 'I told you so'.  At that instance, all I can pray for is a dark alley with no one around, cuz she will get the ass reaming of her life from me, NOT for DH but for SS and what's she's done to him.  

The tough part in this area (heavily Amish-Mennonite, where you marry for life and divorce is a sin) is convincing others the seriousness of these issues.  When I've talked to others, they are floored at what transpires with my SS and are amazed at the MINIMAL time his mother
'allows' him to spend with us.  Watch for a post from me shortly on how I plan to try to get the message out........