I'm to young for this

[lucky]

D --

I've been thinking about the depression of your stepkids.  I'm assuming that your dh and pbfh have joint legal requiring both of them to agree on treatment, etc.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, because I'm basing this on dh's court order giving him and pbfh joint legal.  If you have a doctor's diagnosis stating that those children are depressed and recommending anti-depressants, I would GET THE MEDS!!!!  

Let pbfh file for contempt.  Yes, it might be more stress, BUT, left untreated (and the kids may not be able to even deal with therapy right now without the meds -- my son couldn't) there could be far worse consequences -- suicide is one that comes to mind.  

If you have professionals diagnosing the depression and prescribing the Rx, I don't see how the judge could find you in contempt.

This is just my opinion -- dh has made decisions against what pbfh said/agreed to and nothing has ever come of it because those decisions were made at the recommendation of medical professionals.  I would double check with your attorney about what he thinks the chances are of her actually winning/getting a hearing on a contempt motion regarding this.  

(((((D)))))

[DMcD]

He gets released on March 20. I think that's about 8 more weeks. 8 weeks seems like 8 years. I have so much to do every day and it just seems like I never have enough time. I've heard of single parents raising six or more kids, but I have no idea how they do it. All I know is, I'm not really cut out for this, long term. When DH has his 2 week annual training drills, I won't mind, but this 20 weeks of absence is just KILLING me. The kids have chores and a set homework time. They have friends over on weekends or go to friends' houses. They are normal kids, for the most part. But getting them to and from school, helping with homework, cooking a balanced meal every night, budgeting $4k per month in expenses with less than $3k a month in income, all of that adds up to me being in a constant state of stress and frustration. Even those stupid anti-depressants they gave me don't deal with the stress. In fact, they have just made things worse. I used to not feel much of anything. Now I find myself crying for no reason. I am emotional and stressed. I feel like I did while I was preganant and the hormones made me an emotional basketcase. All I know is that I have to be strong while he's gone for the sake of the kids. I can't have a meltdown and I have more to do than I ever thought possible. Seems like if I relax a little, the house is going to fall apart. Seems if I try any harder, I'll fall apart. You guys are great. If nothing else, I know that if I come here, I have a group of people who know what I'm going through and that care. I think that helps more than anything.

[DMcD]

You are absolutely right. For cripe's sake, she had the kids taken from her based, in large part, on her failure to treat their medical and psychiatric conditions. She is forcing us to do the same. She hasn't turned in the intake papers that I gave her for the child psychiatrist. She hasn't contacted the facility. And darn it, that court order says that parents have the right and RESPONSIBILITY to make major medical decisions. We have given her the right, she has not met her responsibility. Since she doesn't even care enough to call the children's center to talk to the psychiatrist, why should I care enough to wait for her to get the information to finally decide on whether to put him on meds? YSS was diagnosed in early December. It's going on 2 months since the diagnosis. Still I wait for BM. I'm going to stop waiting. I'm not about to neglect his medical treatment. If YSS were diagnosed with pneumonia and prescribed antibiotics to treat it, no one would wait 2 months, or even 2 days, for BM to take the initiative to call the doctors, medical facilities or or other health care professionals. We wouldn't wait to see if BM approved the type of antibiotic used or the dosage or anything else. We would fill the damn prescription and let BM know that he was on it and the reasons why he was on it. Well, that's what I'm going to do. If she takes this in to court for contempt, she will have to explain why she continues to neglect the children's medical treatment, even as the NCP. She will have to explain why she took all the time and effort into filing a contempt action while not taking the 10 minutes it would take to phone up the children's center and ask about her son's treament. SD has her child psychiatrist appt next month and I'm just going to go in and treat it like any other appt. If she get prescribed meds, I'll fill the prescription.

Thanks, Lucky

[LizaLou1]

Sounds like you need to get the court to grant you, the stepmom, rights to care for the children (doctors, meds, etc) if and/or when your husband TDY/deploys again.  That way you will not be left waiting to the BM.

Best of luck

LizaLou

[bananas]

Everyone has a different life.  If you weren't swamped with six kids, you'd be swamped with something else.

I have been married for 13 years.  I married DH when I was 20.  Didn't go to college.  DH has two kids.  They are basically grown now.  I went through all the crap that goes along with having stepkids.  I have a house, two cars, a good job, and am in debt up to my ears.  We don't have kids together but are trying now.  I'm happy.

I recently got together with a friend I knew in school.  He is my age.  When we graduated from HS, he went to Yale.  Studied music.  He had a girlfriend for five years, but she wanted to get married and he didn't, so they broke up.  Then he lived in Seattle for a few years.  Dated a few more girls.  He met one girl from South Africa and dated her for a while.  He then moved to South Africa for a year and lived with her.  He recently came back and is trying to move to California.  His girlfriend should also be coming back to the States soon.

He has no job, no car, no place to stay.  But, I think he's happy.

At work, I'm in the process of watching two of my co-workers go through divorces after having kids.  They were both married for a couple of years, had kids, and are now splitting up.  In both cases, I think it was because they didn't get a chance to do what they wanted to do before the kids came along.  I think one spouse in each case was pretty immature and wasn't ready for kids.

I think you are mature enough for it.  I think you'll do just fine.

I guess the main theme (??) of my post is to say that even if you had different responsiblities, it might not make you any happier, better, etc.  Wouldn't it be fun to just drop it all for two weeks and go party?  Some of us have that option, but some of us don't.  But if you don't, it's not a bad thing.  

It's hard when your hubby is gone for weeks/months at a time.  I think the stress you're under is why you posted, not that you are dealing with six kids.  If your hubby were there, you probably wouldn't have posted!  You just need a little break, and you'll get that once your DH gets home.

You're doing great, hang in there!!!!

[lucky]

I figure that with you being at the end of your rope, you are NOT going to be able to keep those poor kids on an even keel -- no matter how hard you try or want to.

Besides, typically, antidepressants take several weeks to see a change.  With my son, they started him at 5mg of Celexa per day, after about a month, we saw a small improvement and that's it.  They upped it to 10mg for about a month -- again a small improvement.  BUT, he could then participate somewhat effectively in therapy.  Last week they upped it to 15mg so we'll see in a couple weeks.  We're just lucky that the first one they tried worked -- with my dd, we tried three different ones with varying amounts before finding the right one.  Be prepared for that as well, D.  

In addition, maybe you are on the wrong prescription as well.  If it is making you an emotional basketcase, check with the doctor to see if yours should be changed.

You need to take care of those kids.  It'd be nice to have BM's input and agreement, but she obviously doesn't care enough.  Let her try to cause trouble because it seems to me that is all she cares enough about to do.

And like all the others say -- TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO!!!  Couldn't you even have your sd watch the little ones while you take a half hour candlelit bubble bath with headphones on?  It's not like she'd be the ONLY one there and in charge....  Perhaps do it while you have the kids watch "Finding Nemo" or some similar movie the littler ones would like.

[DMcD]

They have joint legal custody. They have "equal" rights and responsibilities. I doubt the court would take her rights from her just because DH is gone. I was granted legal guardianship of the kids, so I can make day-to-day decisions, but in regards to something like this - a major medical issue - both parents have rights and must agree according to the court order. I spoke to DH's atty last night and he said give her 48 hours and if she doesn't respond, put him on the meds. After all, she doesn't have the right to ignore her responsibility or her son's emotional health. We're just going to do it that way and if she files contempt, I'll throw that provision right back in her face. Before she can have the RIGHT to make a medical decision, she has to take the RESPONSIBILITY to actually MAKE a decision and notify someone regarding her choice. If she doesn't, no one has any way of knowing what she would like to see done. In that case, we have to use her silence as consent. If she were that opinionated about the matter, she would probably talk to someone and let them know she doesn't agree with the treatment plan.

[DMcD]

You're right. And usually I'm pretty content with my life. I love all the kids. I'm happy when they accomplish something good, sad when they don't make it on the first try, encourage them to get up and try, try again. I just can hardly stand the stress anymore. I try so hard to keep myself focused on the good and let the rest go. It just doesn't always work that way. Sometimes I feel great and sometimes I feel like I'm heading for a meltdown. I try to avoid the latter.

[DMcD]

The psychiatrist recommended a regimen of 25mg daily Zoloft or Prozac. That was what I was prescribed, and when I first started taking it, I felt better within 72 hours. Hopefully, that higher dosage will work well for him and get him back on track fairly quickly. I don't really worry about when or whether it will work, but how hard it will be for me to get him to take it if he knows his mom is strongly against it. Of course I will give his dose to him everyday, but he may not be honest during his med checks or counseling appts. That's just a minor concern, but I think he will be 100% very soon. BM has 48 from 11 PM, PST last night to respond or I'm filling his prescription with no guilt.

[forthekids24]

... you are building memories with the kids.  In the future you all will be able to look back and say "remember how we all stuck together when Dad was off at training?" "it was tough, but we had fun right?"

I am a young mom also... but I prefer to think of it as that I chose to delay my wild and crazy times to when I am more mature.  I will be able to enjoy going out after my kids are grown and independent.

Of course, like you my musical taste is very close to my teenage son's... which embarrasses him to NO end.  But hey, it is my job right?

I guess what I am trying to say is you are not alone, you have made choices in your life that sometimes you look back on and wonder "what if", that is completely normal.  Your family and your kids are your priority at this time in your life,  just make sure you do take time for "you" every once in a while.