PBFH Strikes again

[forthekids24]

DH has been unemployed since Oct, he tried to talk to BM about child support at that time since she moved away and DH has kids 75% of the time now.  She did her typical "take me to court"... so he did!

She obviously does not like this since she believes that she should have to pay anything... her argument is that if the kids lived with her she wouldn't ask him to pay child support.  (Yeah, right!)

Anyway, She is finally agreeing to pay her part of the marital debt (after almost 10 years of trying), but she wants DH to call off DCSS.  My reaction, no!

Her argument, she doesn't work (by choice), pays for 1/2 of the kids Educational expenses... that should be it!  No child support. (She agreed to pay for 1/2 of the educational expenses before she moved)

Our argument, dh is unemployed too so basically her spouse and I are supporting their kids!

How do we make this very clear to her (she is really stupid) that child support is not negotiable?  It is for the kids, not DH. Any articles that explain why support is paid, or feedback is appreciated.

Thanks!
FTK

[Peanutsdad]

No offense,, but it sounds like you and her spouse need to get together and tell these two losers to take a hike.


WTF!!!!! NEITHER parent works,, and they are gonna argue over money neither can pay without you and him. Thats rich. The audacity of both of them astounds me.


Sigh,, ok on to the questions:

1. Who is the primary custodian?

2. Since both parties are unemployed,, typically in that case, cs is based on 40 hours a week at minimum wage. In some states that use a sliding scale based on both parents income,, it would be a push on cs....nothing to pay if both make the same. In other states, the ncp is set an amount to pay regardless of incomes of both,, only the ncp wages are considered.  Thus, you're right back at the minimum wage amount again.

[MixedBag]

You know, I read your post, and even logged off the system...but I had to come back.

When my income went down (not to unemployment, but it went down to 1/3 of the original level), I did not go to DHR to ask for an increase in CS received from my EX.  WHY?

Well, it's not his fault -- and I could see him getting rather pi$$ed if I did.

Now granted, I had more notice of the drop in income -- as opposed to getting laid off which probably meant he had little to no notice...  But I wanted to share that with you because I guess I can see why his EX would be angry.

IF his EX isn't working -- and that's the arrangement she now has in her marriage and there's a CS order in place already and she's paying....  I can see her being rather mad.

You're right CS is for the kids....but when the court sets it, that's what you gotta live with.   Hopefully she's paying....

If times are tight right now, maybe offer her to have the kids just a bit more in terms of time until you two get back on your feet.

[forthekids24]

DH was laid off in October and in his defense, he has been looking frantically every single day to get another job.  He had a couple of very promising interviews this past week, so hopefully something comes out of that.

To answer your questions..

DH is the primary custodian 75% DH / 25% with PBFH since Sept 2003.  Before that it was 65% DH / 35% PBFH.... we never had a child support order put in place because it was $25 a month when BM was working her min. wage job. (It wasn't worth stress of dragging the $ out of her)

When PBFH moved (which was only because she found a house she liked out of the area) she quit her job (which was considerable more than min wage) and refused the employers offer to telecommute from her new location.  As we see it, she is capable of earning, but just chooses not too.  Her husband still lives down here, he has to keep working to make the new house payment.

Anyway, the guideline based on DH's old salary and Min Wage for BM is for her to pay $300/ month, we were trying to get her to agree to below guideline since she is not working, but she turned her nose up at that.  So we turned it over to the state.  I think she is now figuring out that she will have to pay something and is trying to get DH to back off.

BM hasn't contributed to any of the medical/ educational expenses since she left them with DH almost 10 years ago.  It is just getting frustrating.

Sorry this is so long.... I'll stop ranting now.

Thanks for your feedback!!
FTK

[forthekids24]

Thanks for reading Mixed :-)

There was never a support order put in place way back when because with BM working min wage it would have been $25/ month.... and it was not worth the stress to drag that amount out of her.  (Original order was 65% DH / 35% BM)

When she moved in Sept 2003 it decreased to 75% DH/ 25% BM, BM was making more than 3 times min wage, but quit her job and refused the employers offer to telecommute from her new home.

Our issue is she is capable of working has an offer to work, but choosing not too.  DH tried to talk to her about child support after she moved, guideline is at least $500/ month based on DH's old salary and BM's old salary.  We don't want that, just something and tried to talk to her about that, she just didn't want to talk, so DH turned it over to DCSS to handle.

We suspect that DCSS has given her the preliminary amount and it trying to get her to stipulate to it, that is the only explanation for her sudden interest in DH dropping the CS.

As for her taking the kids more, I hate to say it, but she won't do that, she comes down here to see her parents and doesn't see the kids, she doesn't call them for weeks at a time, and SD's tell me that she complains about having to drive down here to pick them up when she does have them.   I just don't get how a parent can be so incredibly disinterested in their children.

Thanks for listening.  
I really appreciate and respect your feedback!!

FTK

[Peanutsdad]

Im sorry if I went off about both of these parents,, but you gotta admit,, both of them arguing over the the money their respective spouses will end up paying is ludicrous.

If she gets hit with an increase,, her hubby will end up paying it,, if the shoe were on the other foot and your hubby got hit with cs,, YOU would probably end up paying it. I dont really see any winners here for anyone involved.

[forthekids24]

I really appreciate and respect your response.

I feel it is always good idea to get feedback from an outside party that can look at things objectively.


Take Care
FTK