What do I do?

[Lisa Maria]

Lisa M. Lee

This is my first time on here and I need some help with a decision. I was married for five and a half years, my ex and I have two daughters. When we split i was with someone else for about a year and we had a baby girl. However, the man I was dating went to prison when I was seven months pregnant. He will be there for quite some time because when he is done in the state of Minnesota he has more charges and time to do in Florida.
After I had the baby, Faith five months old, my ex and I started talking and decided to give it another try. He has been there for my daughter with this other man since she was less than a month old. He provides for her and treats as if she was his daughter. Her bio father does nothing as he is in prison. All he does is send letters degrading me. His parents take her on the weekends and take her to the prison to visit him, they also do nothing but talk bad about me around her.
My question is, should I just terminate the biological fathers rights and let my exhusband adopt her? I think it would be less confusing for her when she gets older and much better NOT to have a five felony criminal in her life.
Please let me know what you all think is the best thing to do and if termination is the best, how do I go about doing something like that?

Thank you very much in advance for your responce.

Mom trying to do whats best for her Angel,
Lisa

[Kitty C.]

You can't.  All you can do is ask.

This would be the best case scenario:  you and your ex get back together and remarry, you ask the BF if he wants to terminate his rights and responsibilities (as your new husband would be willing to adopt), then if he says yes, you have to file for termination and prove to the court that the child will be taken care of.

There are parental rights (to be involved in the child's life), and then there are parental RESPONSIBILITIES (financial responsibility).  And there are worse mothers than the BF who have FULL custody of their children, so don't discount the BF conpletely.  It is his right to be involved with his child, if he so chooses.

This is a very tricky situation and one that you must think long and hard about.  Just be aware that most courts will NOT terminate a parent's responsibility unless there is a step-parent willing to take over that responsibility, aka. adoption.

Just remember one thing:  it was YOU who chose to make a child with the BF.  And if she's only an infant, she can't possibly know what the BF or g-parents are saying about you.  Your daughter also has two biological parents and g-parents that she has a right to get to know and love.

Like I said, a VERY tricky situation, one that will take a LOT of soul-searching, prayer, and consideration to figure out.  Just don't discount the possibility that other influences can intervene that can change the scenario completely.  The thing to remember is how this will affect your daughter for the REST of her life, not just for the next 5-10 years.  

[nosonew]

Not all biological parents were meant to be parents.  Whether a "sperm donor" or "egg donor" not everyone has maternal or paternal instincts and some have many emotional problems of their own that make it difficult if not impossible to be "the best parent available".  I understand your position, although have never been there myself.  I guess I too would question whether he and his family are good for the child. Best of luck!

[nosonew]

.(That is private message)

[Lisa Maria]

Lisa M. Lee

Thank you for the advise. I wrote him asking him to give up his rights and he has not yet responded. I sent him the letter about three weeks ago. His family has not talked to me or written me or anything to see how Faith is doing. I am going to wait about three months, that shoudl be sufficient amount of time for him to respond and if he does not respond I will contact whoever I need to and gett he process started.