How do you deal with CP's spouse?

[oklahoma]

My husband called BM yesterday--actually had a good conversation with her--and she told him not to let her husband know about it.  SF doesn't know that BM has been speaking to my husband (only 3-4 phone calls in the past 2 years.)  So, essentially, my husband is not allowed to parent his children because SF is incapable of dealing with it.  What can you do about that?

Since I have known my husband, especially the past 2 years, BM has refused to speak with my husband regarding important issues because my husband was "manipulative."  That is what the counselors and judge heard many times, when in fact SF is the problem.  Essentially, all of the things "they" have been saying about my husband could pretty easily applied to SF.  

A little more about SF--I have never met him officially--every thing I know of him is "hearsay."  The first time I saw him was in court in October 2002--I have known my husband/SDs/BM since October 1999.  My SDs say he sits around and plays video games all day.  In the past, they have told us stories about him hitting their mom.  He has also hit the girls in the past (before I came on the seen), but my husband very diplomatically took care of that--it's a lovely story for another time.  And he has been "Dad" to my SDs......