Stepson's biological mother uses some questionable forms of discipline

[sad stepmother]

What do you think?

My stepson is almost seven and has complained for several years that his mother "spanks" him on his bare bottom with the back end of a wooden spoon.  She now spanks him 7 times with the wooden spoon at each spanking, one lash for each year of his life, (7 years equal 7 lashes) my stepson says.  We reported this to DFS several years ago when the child was three, and DFS said that as long as she doesn't leave a welt or bruise she can whack him all she wants.  This has always bothered me.  The child does have behavioral problems but to me this seems a bit extreme.  My husband and I believe in spanking as a last resort but we never use an object or degrade our children by exposing their bottoms. I believe that there is appropriate and inappropriate way to administer corporal punishment.  Is what my stepson's mother is doing crossing the line or am I just being over protective.

[4honor]

IT may sound extreme to some, but I subscribe to the Biblical view of punishment. And it requires the use of a "rod" applied to my child's bottom. As a matter of fact it states that if I do not punish my child, I do not love him.

Personally, We do not spank on the bare buttocks, because it is too easy for otherwise proper discipline to become something dirty in the mind of an overzealous CPS worker. We also spank one swat per year up to a total of ten.  I was spanked ten times as a child for all spankable infractions, regardless of age.

Not every offense is a spanking offense, but the rules are laid out clearly in our home. If BM's rules are arbitrary, then maybe there is some harm to the child, but it isn't in the act of spanking, but in the act of inconsistency.

Why does everyone seem to think that a spanking is degrading? I can remember as a kid wishing for the spanking instead of the "lecture" cause the spanking hurt less and was over quicker.

Watch for actual signs of abuse, but otherwise, just remind yourself that her house her rules, your house your rules.

[sad stepmother]

Thank you for your insight.  Your right , the rules are different in each house and we try to respect that.  I also know that what works for one parents house doesn't always work at the other and BM has mentioned that spanking is the most effective form of discipline that the child responds to at her house.  However at our house the child responds better to the loss of privilages, and boredom from the loss of those privlages. We have noticed that his behavior changes dramatically the next time he considers breaking a house rule. (For example: We do not curse or say "Shut up" in our house)

Thanks!

[DK]

DH and my son is 4.  He responds to his father one way and me another way.  DH can use words, I use a spoon.  I try using words, time out, and other stuff.  If this works GREAT, if not, out comes the spoon.  And we are all in the same house.

[wendl]

I was spanked as a kid, I liked it better than punishment cuz it was over quickly.

I think I have spanked my son once and he is now 12.

Each child reacts to a parent differently, at our house all we have to do is take things away, at moms who knows what that woman does.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[kelly]

I was informed by a social worker assigned to us that you may not "spank" your child with anything but an open hand here in CA.
My step-daughters mother called on me and my husband for this very thing.  Never mind that my step daughter stole money from the 9/11 fund at her school, Mom was mad because we spanked her)(

[sweetnsad]

Ok, I have a different outlook, but this is just me, so bear that in mind. :)

As a child, I was horsewhipped.....honest-to-god, no word of a lie.  With an actual horsewhip with a huge knot on the end of it.  There is nothing, and I repeat, nothing, that hurts worse than that.  I can remember very clearly going to school with huge black lashes across my legs and bottom.

So, for this very reason, I do not resort to spanking, unless I absolutely am left with no other recourse.  AND, it's about two minor swats to DD's butt with my very weak hands!  She rarely needs them and responds better to a timeout with her nose against the wall or privileges taken away, such as playing with her best friend who lives next door.

Ok....so when I hear about parents who hit their kids with objects, I get very upset, but they aren't my children and they aren't my rules, so who am I to judge?  But, that's how I feel about it.....everyone is different I guess.

[kelly]

i agree with you.  I find with my boys I get a much better response when I take away things they enjoy.  Bikes, computer time and most of all TV!!!   My boys are also 10 & 14 though.

[steprealmom]

I agree with most of the post here that it is up to each household.  But I do caution those of you who do spank.  If you will read my posts in General my DH is being taken to a hearing with FOC because BM of my SD-9 y/o feels it is very wrong to spank to the point she wants his visitation to be changed to supervised only.  Keep in mind spanking is a last resort in our household and SD has only been spanked twice in her whole 9 years but this is the first time BM was told and now this nightmare is happening.  It was open handed and with a clothed bottom and no marks or bruises or anything but a upset child.  Be wary all of us because we don't know what the courts can or will do if the BM hollars loud enough.

[sweetnsad]

There is no question that what you are saying should be taken very seriously.  Anyone can take a minor action and blow it up to be something more and there are alot of people out there that would do it just to be nasty.

:)