This is going to be fun...........

[Kitty C.]

Our HS football team is playing state quarter-finals tomorrow night, the first time they've gotten this far in YEARS in football.  And the game is only about 40-45 minutes away.

I talked to DH Friday afternoon and told him that DS and I were going, to ask SS if he wanted to go and we'd take him, too...........if PBFH would let him.  So DH asked SS when DH picked him up, with PBFH standing there, too.  DH gave me a blow-by-blow when I got home Fri. night.  SS asked her if he could go and she asked him 'Do you want to go with Kitty?', like she couldn't believe that he'd really want to do that!  But SS gave her a VERY emphatic OF COURSE!   At that time, she said okay...hard to believe, but she's also notorious for saying yes, then retracting at the last minute.

PBFH came to pick up SS at 6 last night and SS (like EVERY weekend he's with us) went out to ask her if he could stay until 7.  Of course she said no, and he came back in crying, trying to hold it back, and pissed as hell about it.  DH tried to comfort him and reminded him that he'd be going to the game with DS and I on Tues.  I gave him a hug and told him the same.  He wasn't happy about it at all, but he knew he had no choice but to leave.

About a half hour later the phone rings and I see that it's from their phone on ID.  DH picks it up, then tells me it's SS and he wants ME.......he first said that I didn't have to pick him up Tues. night because she would drop him off, but he might be a few minutes late.............I had told him we'd pick him up at 6, the game is 40-45 min. away and starts at 7 pm.......and she gets off work at 6.  Then I hear her in the background say something about 9 and he said that he had to be home by 9 pm.  I told him that the game starts at 7, it's a ways away, it will last 2-3 hours and then the time it takes to get back home.  That he probably wouldn't get home till 10 at the earliest.  He repeated it to her and then he said he had to be home by 10 instead.

First of all, I am NOT leaving the game early if they are winning.  No way.  And I know the boys won't want to, either.  And I will NOT speed to get home......we're in the middle of the deer rut right now and driving at night on dark 2 lane highways can be dangerous.  DS and I saw a big buck run cross the highway in front of the vehicle in front of us just Sat. night.   I'm taking my time.  If we leave before 10, which I'm sure we will, but know we won't make it home BY 10, I'll have SS call her to tell her we're on our way.  

To tell you the truth, I'm more expecting SS to call DH tonight or tom. to say that he CAN'T go.  When he left last night, he was PISSED, and I told DH that she was going to get an earful from him for not letting him stay longer.  I wouldn't be surprised if she uses that against him and decides he can't go just for spite for him wanting to stay longer.  She's done it before.  But SS isn't rolling over for her like he used to.  He hasn't had hardly ANY respect for her for over a year now because of her actions against DH and I both.

So I guess we'll just have to wait and see if she wants to bury herself deeper with her own son by turning him against her even further or she's willing to let him go to just ONE post-season, road to the state championship game.  If she doesn't (and HOW), I will be hard pressed to not go to her door to ask her WHY.......and see if she can come up with a coherent answer.  Either that, or she will force SF to take him instead.  That's happened before, too.  In 7+ years, only once has she allowed SS to do something with me and that happened only because she thought DH was doing the p/u and d/o.

Just ask for hope that there's three of us going to the game tomorrow night (gonna bundle up and take the hot choc., it's gonna be COLD!) and that a boy's hopes aren't dashed once again.........

And I suppose it won't sink in to her if I tell her that her refusing him is NOT turning him against US, but against HER, right???

It's ONLY a football game, for God's sake!

[joni]

I think you're being reasonable and rational about this.  I wouldn't rush home either and I wouldn't leave early.  Get there when you get there.  

And you're right, she is clueless that this reflects on her.

[Kitty C.]

DH took me to lunch today and I asked him about it, if he thought she'd get pissy if I brought SS back after 10 and he said he was certain of it.  I told him the ONLY way I'd leave the game early is if it were a blow-out and our school had no way of winning and he said he would do the same.

DH also said that he knows she would have NO problem backing out and telling him he can't go just because I can't promise to have him there by 10 pm.  I can guarantee one thing:  if SF were taking him, who KNOWS what time they'd get back!  But she has absolutely NO qualms of going back on her word to SS and pissing him off even more.

One of these days.............regardless of my position in this family, I'm tempted to take her aside and tell her that the ONLY person she's hurting by pulling this $hit is her own son.  That he is resenting and hating her more and more with every time she pulls this crap on him.  And if she thinks that she's hurting DH or I, she's got another thing coming....we're ADULTS, we can handle the immaturity and BS.......but her son doesn't understand it AT ALL and probably never will, because there's NO explanation that she can give him that will tell him anything else but that she was being vindictive.

After SS left pissed last night, I told DH that it seemed to me that SS was getting REAL close to telling his mother to F off............DH looked right at me and said 'I think you're right'................and if she refuses to let him go tom. night.....let's just say it wouldn't surprise me if he did....

[dsm]

Which state are you in again????

==============================================================================

dsm - 34
DH - 37
SD - 15
LO - 8
BB - 18 months
------------------
2 Cheap Entertainment cats - Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....

[Kitty C.]

Iowa.........

SS called DH last night and told him that PBFH told him he couldn't go because he didn't do his homework and something else he was supposed to do.  Now, most would think that that would be an appropriate response, BUT.........only when it is CONSISTENT.  A couple weeks ago, SS brought homework, he nor PBFH told DH about it, he didn't do it, and there were NO repoercussions on him when he went back.  He only gets repercussions when it directly deals with US.  So I see this as just a convenient excuse she came up with to keep him from going.

And I can about guarantee you that she gave him no heads-up, like 'If you don't get your HW done, you can't go to the game.'  Her MO is whatever pops into her head at the moment.  Needless to say, SS was PISSED!  DH told him that if they win tonight, there will be a semi-final game to go to, also.  But I don't think so, as those games are at the UniDome, on the Univ. of Northern Iowa campus.........about 100 miles away and during the day next Monday.......I can't take time off to go and she CERTAINLY won't let him go, even tho they probably won't have school anyway.

But that's not what really made me mad.  What really got to me is that DH NEVER even spoke to PBFH about it.  I could kick them both!  I told DH last night that what he and her are doing to SS is abominable.  DH  flat out told me that he doesn't talk to her because then they won't get into an argument.  So I asked him 'Then you're willing to lay this ALL on your son and have HIM deal with it?  Why can't you both let him be a kid, be adults yourself and keep him out of the middle?'  Surprisingly, he didn't have an answer..........

Apparently, the last thing SS told DH was that he hoped to get PBFH to change her mind and would let DH know sometime this afternoon, but she doesn't get home from work until 6 pm. and we'll be leaving about then or shortly after.  Besides, knowing her, I don't see it happening anyway...........

So I guess DS and I will be the only ones going...........

[joni]

that's too bad the child's being denied this...very sad.  I had a response to something you vented earlier:

****One of these days.............regardless of my position in this family, I'm tempted to take her aside and tell her that the ONLY person she's hurting by pulling this $hit is her own son. That he is resenting and hating her more and more with every time she pulls this crap on him. And if she thinks that she's hurting DH or I, she's got another thing coming....we're ADULTS, we can handle the immaturity and BS.......but her son doesn't understand it AT ALL and probably never will, because there's NO explanation that she can give him that will tell him anything else but that she was being vindictive.****

Kitty, stupid people don't know they're stupid.  Don't educate this stupid woman about her kid.  Let her pay for it the rest of her life.

[Kitty C.]

Yeah, I know, I know............but SS will pay for it for the rest of HIS life, too!  Right now, he's so pissed at her, it wouldn't surprise me if he told her to F off!

Like DS's dad loved to say.......she's an 'unconscious incompetant'...meaning she doesn't know that she doesn't know......but SS certainly does and there ain't a damn thing he can do about it.  Gotta tell you, tho.  DH better not put him in the middle anymore.  As distasteful is it is for him to talk to her (and her capabilities of pushing his buttons), he needs to be the adult here and do just that and take SS out of the middle every time she puts him there.

[Kitty C.]

DS just called, saying that SS had called him to tell me to pick him up tonight for the game!  So I called DH and asked him to to call SS to confirm.  DH called me back and said that SS said he could go!  He also said that he heard SF in the background (SF and PBFH have opposite schedules, so if she's at work, he's home) and when he told SS that we probably won't be back by 10 pm. (which is what PBFH was demanding before), SS said that SF said that was okay.  DH told me that he felt SF probably put pressure on PBFH to give in.....and it wouldn't surprise me, as SF and SS have gone to other HS games and he's an avid Packer fan.

Got to hand it to SS, he's getting VERY resourceful!  Knew that if he could convince SF, SF could do the same to PBFH.  Bless his heart!!!!

WE'RE GOING TO THE GAME TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!  Pray that they win!