Wow, what a shock!

[almostastepmom]

Hi there!  Thanks to everyone that has been helping me out with the BM part 2 column.   I just had to write to ya all and tell ya about my weekend.  

I picked up the kids on friday, something I told myself I wasn't going to do, but did any ways.  Of course SD was a total brat and just sat in the back of the car and wouldn't say a thing.  SS was talking with me and chatting the whole way home.

When their father got home, SD went right up to him and told him that
she missed him and loved him so much, then looked at me and smurked.  I just laughed!  She did this all weekend!  I was so proud of myself I didn't let her crappy attitude toward me ruin my weekend. And their was an added bonus;  my SS all weekend would run up to me, give me a big hug, and then he would tell me he loved me.  I just would give him the biggest hug and kiss his head and tell him I loved him to.

Then something that their father and I thought would NEVER happen did.  As we drove them home on Sunday night, SS said to us that he didn't want to go home.  He wanted to stay with us.  We told him he will be back next weekend, but he said he wanted to stay with us all the time.  I about fell off my seat.  SO told him that he is always welcome to live with us and that if he did that ment   changing schools and making new friends.  He just said that would be fine, since he knows all the kids in the neighbor hood any ways.  We were in shock.
SD woke up in the middle of the conversation or at least she didn't move until then.  She HOPEFULLY heard everything he said.  

I think my SS had been hearing what SD and BM have been saying about me.  I also think he knows about the mean letter that BM sent to me.  He knows that I'm not like that and he is ALWAYS appreciative about the things I do for him.  

WOW!  I can't wait to see what happens this weekend when their father picks them up.  We don't know if we should approach him with the subject or let him bring it up again.  Does anyone have any suggestions???????????????????????/

[rachaelmomma]

I would let him bring it up again...numerous times... before acting on trying to change custody orders.  That is a sure fire way to bring a lot of pain and confusion to both of your step-children's lives.  If you think BM is nasty now just wait and see what she will say and do (most likely in front of the kids) if she feels that her motherhood is being threatened.

I would wait and make sure that your SS is VERY serious about being with you and that he has expressed these disires to his BM as well.

JM2C
Rachael

[wendl]

I know exactly how you feel, my yss did the same thing.
Let him come to you and don't force anything.

I can't remember how old the youngest is, but if he is younger, more than likely a judge won't hear the childs wishes until they are older.

Hold on to those hugs isn't it great.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[almostastepmom]

Hey there!  

He is 11 right now.  I know I won't force the issue at all.  If he is serious he can come to us again.  The only problem I have is that I know he won't tell he's mother because they are both scared of her.  2 years ago when SD (then 8) said that and told both myself and her father we both agreed that she could if that is what she REALLY wanted.  She said it was and she told her mom.  Her mother then turned around and was mean and extremly rude to her.  This was told to us by not only her, but her older brother as well.  So we are in a worried that if this is what he wants he will not tell his mother.  Any suggestions?

I cherish everyone of those hugs and I love you's

[joni]

You see.....SS is rebelling against his mother's alienation and SD trying to please BM by doing what she says and treating you like crap.

I agree, I would let the boy gain his confidence and continue to express it to you before you do anything.  At his age and when you move forward, the kid has really, solidly got to be in your court.

Also, don't get your hopes up.  Regardless of what SS might say and if there's no substantial change in circumstance at mom's and mom does not go along with the change in home to yours, courts do not like to split up siblings.  And with the SD being so solidly in mom's court, it may sabotage what you want to do with SS.

[almostastepmom]

I agree with you totally about gaining his confidence and also on that it might be just because things with mom aren't great.  This is a kid that wouldn't hurt anyone and I think he is hearing from mom and sis all the bad things they say about me and he knows that they aren't true.  He is trying to give me a little bust of love to get me through the hard times.  

As for my hope of him living with us, I have none.  I've been through it before and just had an emotional crash at the end.  The not-so-great state of WA isn't for putting kids with their father any ways, no matter how bad the situation and I've heard won't even consider talking with them till the age of 13, so I just have to hope that things with his mom are going to get better, no matter how much I hate her and the way she is raising those kids.

I'll keep my head up, my expectations low, and love all the great moments I can get.