different rules at both houses

[hopeful_25]

How do you deal with being the stricter household? My 11yr old ss has his own phone line at BM--not here. He says he is allowed to be on it for any amt of time up until 11PM---not here. We tell him no calls (in or out) after 8PM. He has taken over the phone. He is on it all day. His friends at BM's call our house because they are long distance and DH won't let him be on the phone that long. I have offered prepaid phone cards for good grades and chores---we will see if it works. He won't answer it if it is for my daughter so he loses priviledges of the phone. I want to know how others handle this situation. Thank you!

[wendl]

Not much you can do in moms house. At my house my son and stepkids have different rules then when they are with the other parent.

Remember it is YOUR HOUSE and YOUR Rules, to bad if he feels you are strict.  I wasn't allowed to be on the phone at age 11 for very long.

My 13yr wants a cell phone NOPE HE ISN'T getting one.  My son wanted to dye his hair, his stepbrothers whom are younger would come from moms with colored gell blue, green NO NOT AT OUR HOUSE, DH made them wash it and my son gets pissed cuz he isn't allowed but younger brothers can.

He will live.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[4honor]

30 minutes per day on the phone with anyone but their parent. It is a communication tool, not an entertainment center!

Tell the CHILD that you are the adults and this is the house rules.
Spell them out.
Make them clear.
Make consequences for failure to follow the rules.
THEN FOLLOW THROUGH!!

This is a CHILD. You are raising him to be a MAN. Teach him appropriate tools and behaviors to help him become a man. It is not easy the first little while. It is miserable, but the CHILD will be happier in the long run.

Proper social skills dictate that no one makes  a personal call in or out of our house outside of the hours of 9am  to 9 pm. Everyone else calling between 9 pM and 9 AM gets an immediate re-education and a request to call back between those hours. The only exceptions are a bona fide emergency.

Call waiting MUST be answered and a message taken before a call can be resumed and out of state calls are priority due to the cost (all my family is out of state). Matter of fact, my children do not answer the telephone unless asked to -- including 14 yo SS. There is no reason to spend what little time we have together tied to a phone with someone else.

[dsm]

It is as simple as that.

Don't completely buy into that he gets to be on the phone as much as he wants at his mom's house......realize that this is a classic ploy of pitting the houses against each other.   Even if it is true that his mom is  more lax than you are with phone time - so be it.  And when he says 'but at my mom's house, I can do this' you tell him that his mom is an adult and as head of her house she can impose whatever rule she wants - same as you are the adults in your house and your rules will be followed.  Now, back to what your rules should be....

There is no reason for him to be on the phone all day tying it up.  Limit his phone time.  We have no phone calls - in or out after 8pm in our house for my SD (probably will start it for LO this year too since she's at that fun pre-teen age) and no more than 15 minutes per call.   We have gone so far as to tell her when she was pushing the limits there - that she could not have any more than 4 phone calls a day.    She also went through a period of time where she was not allowed to pick the phone up AT ALL and we had her calls screened.

You have to decide what is right for your house.  And then stand firm in what you decide and don't let up from it.
==============================================================================

dsm - 34
DH - 38
SD - 15
LO - 9
BB - 2
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2 Cheap Entertainment cats - Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....

[msme]

We have 8 kids so the phone rings constantly. we did put in a second line for the kids. Only the older ones are allowed to answer it. If anyone breaks the phone rules, the kids line gets unplugged for the day. No calls after 8 PM. Calls can only be for 10 minutes. Not more than 2 calls from the same person in one day. Friends may not call the house phone. The kids line does not have call waiting so they may not tie it up.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[hopeful_25]

Thank you guys so much!  Those are some great rules!  We have the "business hours" from 8A to 8P.  But the amt of time really helps.  Now, I won't go crazy trying to set rules.