Missed visits...

[Sunshine1]

After 16 scheduled visits, and only showing up for 2, how many more do I have to go to before enough is enough? So I can save the heart break, tears and gas money driving to meet a dead beat parent?

I would just like to know how long we must put up with this crap!!!

[joni]

are you being denied visitations or is this a noncustodial parent who doesn't show up for their visitations?

how far are you driving?  what does the court order say about visitations?

you haven't given enough info.

[Sunshine1]

I am the CP, and the NCP either calls and cancels at the last minute, or just for sh*ts and giggles he lets me drive 45 minutes to meet him and he doesn't show up.

It is getting so old I just want to know when enough is enough?  It is not like we actually want them to go, SM is very abusive and they fight constantly in front of the kids when they go and she is very mean to our kids anyway but I just wish the promising them he is coming to see them would end.

SM is court ordered that BF supervise all her contact with the children due to mental illness and her extreme mood swings, sooo if she says they ain't comin...you get the picture.

How many times do I have to go to drop off when i know he isn't going to show???  My son is in therapy, but it just doesn't help the total heartbreak.  At least when he calls I can get him involved in something else to ease the pain.  But when you go and wait for half an hour and there is a no show and you have to drive back and bite your tongue, I just want to go over there and beat the living crap out of him!!!

Thanks for the vent!

[joni]

this is gut wrenching for you child.  how do you force someone to be a parent, even a crappy parent?  I don't know.  and then for your child to have to submit to an abuse SM?  dear Lord.....

unless you have the court order changed, you can't not show up.  for all you know, this sadistic father could be there, hiding, watching you wait, waiting for the time you don't show up so he can use it against you as a visitation denial.

I would post your scenario on the Dear Socrateaser board.  Follow his guidelines, post the exact text from your court order.  he'll advise you well.

[Sunshine1]

In all honesty, this last weekend is the only one that he has just "not showed".  Which is totally not the norm AT ALL.

To put an even more fun spin on the whole thing he has cut off all communication to me which is entirely not his usual torture.  I usually get streams of emails, voicemails, hangups and the basic go get f*cked b*tch letters after a missed visit from SM.

Not a peep this time around which is making me nervous...ya know the calm before the storm type of thing?  I have left several messages (as nice and as sweet as pie as I can be) and nothing.  Usually if he has a fight with SM he at least lets me know Monday what the hell happened.

What if he has just decided he would rather just stop dealing with visits and is going to stop seeing them?  He went almost 9 months without seeing them last year.  We just went through a court battle, so changing the order is NOT an option at 250.00 an hour.  Aren't you suppose to let sleeping dogs lay there?  

Just looking for some answers I guess, I think the silence is killing me...LOL  Maybe that is his new tactic????

[Dibella]

I guess I'm not one to play games.  I know that the court order needs to be followed and that chances are he is waiting in the wings to be able to say, hey, she didn't show.  HOWEVER!  As I said, I'm not a game player.  I'd send him an email (or a certified letter in my case, my ex doesn't have email) or perhaps both - informing him that he has now missed X number of visitations with his children and I will no longer be a part of his hurting his children.  In the future, if he would like to exercise his visitation, he needs to let me know two days ahead of time.  If I don't hear from him, I will assume he is not going to exercise his visitation and will wait to hear from him if he decides to exercise his NEXT visitation.

But, that's me.  I don't beat around the bush.  I get extremely irritated when DH does with his PBFH.

[dsm]

My SD's mom for instance is supposed to take her this weekend.  She isn't taking her.  We never know if she'll step up and take her or just leave her with us.  So that we don't have to play the waiting game or waste our time/gas we make it known each time that if we do not hear from her by Thursday at 5pm that she is going to take her, then we will not be at the meeting point (we have 1 1/2 hour drive one way to meeting point).  most times we don't hear from her at all, so SD ends up staying with us.   Makes it difficult here, but we deal with it.

Don't play the games and don't let your kids just be left hanging.  They deserve to know what their plans will be.
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dsm - 34
DH - 38
SD - 15
LO - 9
BB - 2
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