New question on myspace

[Ref]

The plan was to mail out printout's of SD's and her friend's pages showing her talking about getting drunk and putting on them how BM can get to the page (she is computer disabled). Then call her and talk to her about it.

A new problem arose. SD and most friends with this stuff switched their page so that no conversations can be seen anymore, past or future. One friend still has a comment by SD admitting to it, but SD says a lot of crap on myspace that is just her being silly. The other friends pages have a lot of support.

What my concern is is that SD will deny and BM will think we made the printouts up. Nothing will be solved then other than SD will be pissed and not want to see us.

Any ideas?

Thanks
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[Cookiemomma4]

Well, to me, that would be the purpose of the screen shots.  If allowed her BM can still go on there and see that the page that you "shot a pic of" is your SD page (see address line which is particular to an individual myspace acct.)  She can also clearly see that the page is now private as things are missing.  I don't think it is such a leap for any parent to think that their child might be wising up a bit on how to hide these things.  Also, you might want to suggest that possibly someone else found the pages and one of the other children was "busted"...this is probably what got them started on making things "friends only" which is what it sounds like they did.  OR some school districts are searching these sites to more clearly identify who and where their problems are.  It may just be that Mom has already gotten the news but has not seen what was really there.  I would go ahead with the plans as you can not easily fabricate or edit a screen shot.

[ocean]

The page is not erased so have BM ask SD to give her the password and she can see it for herself. Is she coming for a visit soon? You could have her tell you the password and let her show you her page and then get BM on the phone to open it from home so SD can not change anything.

[MixedBag]

that you two need to be concerned about.

Right?

And there's some geography to where you have to "count on" SD to want to get on a plane and fly to see her dad.

Your intentions are good and in the right place.

Co-parenting and involving both mom and dad is the right thing to do.

I'm thinking that since her mom is "computer illiterate" and might accuse you two of making it all up, even though you didn't.

What about approaching the whole subject the next time Dad sees his daughter and then writing mom at the same time about the whole thing and sending the proof to her at that time.

Maybe have a family talk with Mom on speaker phone.

On a day to day basis with the distance, what's dad really gonna do?

And mom (in your case) will quickly believe daughter etc....

If this were an intact family, the action could be much harsher because the parents would be united.  But you've got a divorce -- and I remember you posting last September about how the SD said she didn't want to come and then had a ball when she did.....

[Ref]

You and I are on the same wave-length! SD just arrived last night. We sent the letter containing the screenshots to BM yesterday. We had a pretty difficult night sleeping last night because the plan is to talk to SD today. We aren't telling her about ALL the evidence that we have so that BM can see it for herself.

DH put in the letter to BM that they should have a 3 way conversation about this.

Really, we are depending on BM to be the parent. HA! What a joke. When SD came in last night, she excitedly told us about all her new friends.

Based on her myspace, she was excited about leaving her friends behind this year to see us, but we really didn't want to deal with it if she wasn't. At 15 1/2, she has more power than she knows when it comes to this stuff. We were just frightened that she wouldn't come up and then get in more trouble.

Lookin gfurther in the myspace, her friends are also doing CCC or DXM, ether, XTC, acid, speed, so there is a lot more at stake. It is so strange, she still seems so innocent....

Anyway, thanks for thinking of me. I'll let you know how it went. UGH!

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[MixedBag]

Thanks for responding, that made me smile this morning.

Sometimes there's so many behind the scenes stuff to consider that seem unrelated, it's hard to say THAT's what to do.

Heck, I read your post about the grades and stuff....

Got that one going on in my family too.

How do you or WHAT do you do when you're long distance and the child gets C's and D's?  CP hasn't even called and said "What do you think WE should do?"

And alls I can say is that I disapprove and know he can do better and since my standards and punishment would be greater than what he received, I KNOW he'll never want to come live with me.  Even his sisters here said "Geez, with a report card like that THIS happened, THAT happened, and I couldn't DO this, and I never got a C again!"

[Ref]

This is something I NEVER expected. DH and I had a horribly anxious night the night before. We didn't sleep at all well. I was picturing confonting SD and haveing he lie to us and tell BM that we fabricated the evidence and BM believe her. Wow was I wrong.

DH and I were sitting at the kitchen table and the phone rings at  9 am. Sd was still asleep. It was BM calling US! She called to tell DH that SD'd grades are tanking and she wants him to help. She was ACTUALLY asking for hos help! He told her he had a good idea why her grades were bad and proceeded to tell her about the letter he wrote and the information that he found on myspace. She admitted to not knowing the computer and was ?grateful? that he was helping.

The conversation went on about 1.5 hours. Everythign from drugs to grades to sex to attidue was discussed and all without an arguement. I can safely say that THAT is the first time BM didn't turn the conversation around to be about her and DH.

We talked to SD and laid out some ground rules. She knows she will get it worse when she gets home. BM told DH SD's grades. Our little A&B student has all D's except 1 C and 1 A. (the C & A are joke classes to begin with).

Anyway, thing got cleared up about friends and drinking with BM and I am SURE SD is in for a conversation when BM gets our package.

Thanks for all your support. You guys keep me sane.

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