How to form a support group?

[CPGrandma]

After watching my son get repeatedly beaten down by his Ex and by the court system, I feel like there HAS to be SOMETHING I can do.  Does anyone have some good basic information on how to get a Fathers Rights Support group started?  Also, if I want to start a letter writing campain....who do I write to......County legislatures, State, Federal...ALL of them?  Does it do any good to write to Judges?  Newspapers?  Does it help to use numerous statistics in a letter?

Thanks for any guidance you might have....

Grandma

[Peanutsdad]

Part of the problem is most support groups are local in nature. There isnt really much in the way of organized PAC's for fathers rights,, at least not in the same league with the mothers or womens rights groups.

Dallas has an organization "Fathers for Equal Rights"

I am a member of it, yet I've watched it grow more disorganized and stagnant in the last coupla years.

Writing to judges can A) do no good, and B) cause problems for your son if his judge happens to recieve and read a letter , its considered exparte communication.

Involving the media is always good,, IF you can get them interested in the story. Be warned tho, its not PC to run fathers rights stories.

Good story that ran here in Dallas recently,,,a father went over the edge here due to his impending divorce and loss of his kids. He took his ex and her bf hostage,, along with his children. He ended up dead and while the media ran the hell out of the hostage taking and subsequent death,, they only touched on his reasons as a aberration. quite the short blurb on his divorce and ncp status.

Friends and family described him as a nice cheerful guy,, loving family man. Go figure.
I spoke with his uncle for a short time at the hospital following the "incident", he was heartbroken over his nephew, claimed he just couldnt take the things that happened in court. He had assumed after his wife left him for her bf that the courts would "do the right thing".
When he went to court, in his uncles words " they treated him like a criminal". He was accused of domestic violence and ordered no contact with his kids. THAT is what his uncle said sent him over the edge.

So, tell your son this story, tell every father you see in your sons shoes. Dont make the mistakes that father made. It wont generate a damn thing towards shining a light on an unfair system, only show him to be a nut who died.

[CPGrandma]

Thanks, PeanutsDad, for your reply.  This whole experience has been so frustrating and heartbreaking.  I thought my son had the misfortune of being the only one who has a sociopath for an ex, but after reading posts on this forum I find he's not alone.  The worst part of this is that Mom is beginning a pattern of alientating the child (now 5yrs old) from his father.  Child doesn't want to visit Dad, doesn't want to talk on phone, says things like "Dad has bad manners and needs a time out", Mom denigrates gifts sent from Dad to child, etc, etc, ad-nauseum.  

I'm from the old school, I guess, that thought you just had to be honest and prove your case to the court and all would be well.  Hah!  The court system is so biased in favor of the mother, overlooking what is actually happening.  The system DOES treat the father as a criminal.  He is the bad guy, mom is the loving, nurturing parent.  What a farce.

Anyway, I will skip the letters to Judges.  I may, however, write to my state representatives and the newspaper.  I guess doing SOMETHING gives me back a feeling of having some power and control over the situation.  

I love my son and ache from what he has been going through.  He is a good man and a good father.  I will pass along the advice you gave regarding the father who "lost it"...how sad.

Thanks for listening to me prattle....

Gram

[Kitty C.]

You will never get back any feeling of power or control by writing letters to your state reps.  Power and control in this issue is a total misconception and only breeds contempt.  Look at all the PBFH's who are doing everything within THEIR power to maintain that power and control.

Instead, go at this with the attitude that you will do your damndest to bring to light the inequity of the issues, to do your best to get them to see it from your/our viewpoint, and to change their minds about the ingrained concepts currently ar work.  Otherwise, it will leave you just as frustrated and helpless as you are currently feeling.
 

[CPGrandma]

Thanks for your insight.  In retrospect, maybe it isn't power and control that I am seeking, but I do, truly, wish to bring to light the inequity of the issues.  I just feel so useless and helpless in this entire situation....feel like I should be doing SOMETHING.

Gram

[Kitty C.]

If you spend any time on father's rights sites, it can really look defeatist.  These guys have been hammered for so long and taken for so much that it's hard for them to keep up the fight.  It's hard to remain positive, especially when there are issues that SHOULD be a slam dunk, but they're STILL shafted by a court system that totally negates their role in their children's lives.

Yours is just one more voice we need in this long battle........

[StPaulieGirl]

This site is probably the best support group there is.  Forgive me for being cynical, but the best time to start an email/letter writing campaign is when the politicians are up for reelection.  Like PD said, stay away from judges.  At least the ones that have jurisdiction in your son's case.  

I was brought up to believe in law and justice.  From what I've seen it's "just us".  Everyone else can go pound sand.  I see women kill their newborn babies and get lighter sentences, than someone busted for a couple ounces of weed.  

Hey for what it's worth, write the newspapers.  The Drudge Report has an extensive listing of all the newspapers, and conservative columnists.  There is a site called //www.conservativepetitions.com, should you get enough momentum going.  Hmmm, I'm thinking.  You'd find a lot of support from Christian activists, homeschoolers, libertarians(this is a civil rights issue), Promise Keepers.  That's all the groups I can think of, off the top of my head.

What you're looking at is a pretty big project, so don't ever feel frustrated.  How do you eat an elephant?  In small bites :-)

[StPaulieGirl]

[p]Another terrible story.  

[p]He had assumed after his wife left him for her bf that the courts would "do the right thing".

[p]If the courts were to bring back the fault in divorce, then enforce it, it could stop this kind of situation.  I see things like this all the time.  People are so demoralized, in so much pain, that they snap.

[p]Maybe there isn't a huge market for Father's Right's stories, but how about a grassroots campaign to bring back "Fault" in divorce?  That would cut across all kinds of demographics.  It could eventually go a long way towards helping people in the future.

[CPGrandma]

Thank you to everyone.  Just knowing there are strangers that support and understand makes me weep.  

I'm getting started on my mailing list for letters and will go after that *&*%$# elephant!  )(

Gram

[Peanutsdad]

Try that elephant medium rare with a nice chanti. Excellent with braised asparagus tips also. Keep chowin down,, it'll get eaten. ;)