BM might be living in a shelter

[Kat87]

Hi,
I've posted on here before, but for some reason I am very confused with the new format. Te recap a bit of history, I am a SM to 2 kids, SS will be 17 next week, SD 12. We (DH and I) are basically CP to them, with a shared parenting agreement in place. We are residential parents that reside in SC, BM in Ohio (agreement is in Ohio).

Skids came to live with us 4 1/2 years ago, as BM suffers from mental illness and had the children living in a battered woman's shelter alleging abuse against her mom and aunt (with whom they lived with), also accused DH, but he hadn't seen the kids in awhile so she was talking hogwash....shared parenting agreement came to be in the summer of 2000. Last year, after summer of 2002 BM petitioned the courts that it was only supposed to be a temporary agreement and we were keeping her from her children (despite the fact that we were the only ones keeping to the agreement, she was never following the rules)...so since then we have been in an ongoing custody dispute, and we have just wanted her to be proven competent (as she truly does suffer from mental illness), we are still waiting for the exam that was due to our lawyer in October, but that is another vent...

My reason for visiting here today, is that for the past week, perhaps 2 weeks, BM has been calling skids on days that they usually call her...first it was she wasn't going to be home...Thursday and last night when she called the caller ID had her calling from the Salvation Army...when I asked SD about it, she said her mom had been shopping...not a feasible story...(she called one time, then 45 min later from same phone, at 8pm at night...)...anyway, I called the number this am and was told it was a place that provided assistance for people that need help with their bills, stranded motorists, and such, and they were also a shelter type place, and NO there is no store....

Skids are due to see BM on Sunday, as she gets them for Christmas. She has provided a note to my DH that she can have unsupervised visitation from her therapist, but we surely don't want the kids to be living in a shelter. She has had her own 3 bedroom apartment, but we are not sure if she still has it...she has her mom babysitting her cat...she just told her mom that she was staying with a friend, and when her mom asked why she wasn't staying at home she told her to MYOB... so what do you all think? SS erased her phone number being from the Salvation army on the caller ID (I guess not realizing that I have caller ID on the phone in my own room)....

What do you think we should do? Oh, I guess I should mention that my DH is out of town until Friday....

Thanks in advance.
Kathy

[StPaulieGirl]

Thats pretty sad.  What is she diagnosed with, and is she possibly dangerous?  At least she is staying in a shelter and calling the kids.  She's making sure the kids and the cat is ok, so it sounds like she's hanging in there.    She's sane enough to feel embarrased about where she ended up.  

If the Salvation Army could come up with a hotel voucher for her and the kids, or a sponsor family for the holidays,  
that might work.  I don't know.  I don't think it would be a good idea for the kids to stay with their mom in a shelter.  Number one, it could be dangerous for them; number two, the reality of mom's situation could be a little too much for them to handle.  I'm sure there can be a good solution to this.

Good luck, and happy holidays.

[lucky]

We were forced by the courts at the GALs recommendation to send the kids (12yo & 10 yo at the time, 2 yrs ago) to the Salvation Army shelter where pbfh was living at the time.  We also had to let them go stay at the women's shelter this past spring when she finally left the freak she was living with.  She also got permission from the court for osd to stay there when osd was in court-ordered foster care.

She lived there for far longer than they normally allow people to (about 6 weeks) and she got the kids for her e/o weekend throughout that time.  The only thing she didn't get is her extended summer and holiday time.  I don't have a clue what she and the kids did during the day since they had to be out of the shelter at 7am and couldn't go back till 7 or 8pm.

I don't know about your situation, but we had to let them go (even though they didn't want to stay at the shelter).