The King of Tots Speaks (hysterically funny jab at Michael Jackson)

[StPaulieGirl]

http://tampatrib.com/News/columns/MGAJ812QUOD.html

DANIEL RUTH

Published: Dec 31, 2003

If Michael Jackson, the King of Sophistry, thinks he was manhandled by law enforcement authorities during his recent arrest, there could be a perfectly reasonable explanation.

After all, it was probably the first time this freak of nature had experienced physical contact with a male old enough to shave. You know it's fairly pathetic when you claim Elizabeth Taylor as some sort of earth mother from Neiman Marcus as one of your best pals. But it's probably an inkling of just how far down the food chain of support Michael Jackson has had to reach when Darryl Strawberry shows up at Neverland Ranch as a - character witness!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jeepers, wouldn't that be a bit like Bill Clinton calling upon Hugh Hefner as a moral counselor during the height of Monica-gate? ``Manhandled''?

Should the King of Tots get convicted on all those counts of performing lewd and lascivious acts on a child younger than 14, by the time he arrives at San Quentin to begin serving a sentence of as much as 20 years, he'll be introduced to an entirely different form of ``slumber party.''

Max Factor

Ever since the latest allegations arose against Jackson concerning his rumored dalliances with little boys, a number of questions have come to mind. And certainly not the least of those queries should be: Ought not the parents of the supposed victim also be charged with similar crimes as Jackson since they allowed their child to spend time alone with one of the strangest human beings on the face of the planet, with the possible exception of Moammar Gadhafi?

Which, of course brings us to Jackson's bewildering interview with Ed Bradley on Sunday on CBS' ``60 Minutes.''

Good grief, ``Survivor'' has more journalistic credibility.

``60 Minutes'' would have had every right to identify the King of Maybelline as ``Michael Jackson - Lying Through His Teeth,'' as he responded to Bradley's questions with all the candor of Baghdad Bob meets Strom Thurmond's genealogist.

For example, when Bradley asked Jackson whether he knew of any other 45-year-old men who liked to share their bed with children, Jackson said he certainly did, although he didn't name names.

Ahem, memo to Jackson: The Boston Archdiocese doesn't count.

But forget all that.

Forget that Michael Jackson, under a nine-count felony indictment relating to the sexual abuse of a child, just went on national television and admitted - AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - that he thinks it's just peachy for a middle- age wacko to turn his bedroom into the Playboy Mansion meets ``Sesame Street.''

Forget all that.

For the sake of argument, let's assume that indeed a man who likes to parade around in public looking like Joan Crawford is in fact merely an innocent, misunderstood Peter Pan-like figure who simply enjoys the nocturnal company of rug rats over, say, Halle Berry.

Fine, but still none of that would acquit Michael Jackson of being dumber than a sack of Limbaughs.

For this is the same guy who some 10 years ago agreed to pay millions of dollars to another alleged child victim of sexual molestation, effectively buying his way out of the hoosegow.

Despite the King of Chanel's insistence that he is merely a harmless Pied Piper of the prepubescent, if you already had paid out a tidy sum of hush-money to buy off an accusation of child molestation, wouldn't you have to be thicker than Warren Sapp's gut to continue to engage in the same suspect behavior that almost landed you in prison?

But it would seem there was another payoff of sorts in the works here, too.

About the same time Ed Bradley was sitting down with a man sneaking up on 50 who wears more lip gloss than Britney Spears, CBS also was announcing it had rescheduled a special: ``Michael Jackson Number Ones,'' which was not a reference to his mug shot photo ID. The original air date for ``Michael Jackson - A Man and His Dermabrasion,'' had been postponed once the Ward Cleaver from hell, who likes to dangle infants over hotel balconies, was indicted. A CBS flack admitted the special, ``Michael Jackson - A Man and His Pacifier,'' would never have been rescheduled had not Jackson addressed the charges against him in the Bradley interview.

Whew! Thank goodness the King of Avon cleared everything up.


I just love sarcastic humor )(

Btw, I saw the televised press conference given by the Santa Barbara County Sheriff.  MJ's ass is grass, and the Sheriff is the lawnmower.  They're going to nail his ass to a tree one way or another.  I'm ok with that, too....

[Kitty C.]

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!  This is KILLING me!!!!!!!!  Daniel Ruth, whoever you are, you should be sainted for the eloquence you expound!

I don't know where you found this, SPG, but if this guy writes this well ALL the time, I gotta know who he works for!  This was great.......and SO TRUE!!!!!!!

BTW, have they made that press conf. available other than locally?  I'd give anything to see it.  What a comedy, if the allegations weren't so serious!

[StPaulieGirl]

go to:  http://www.foxnews.com/  Scroll down and check this link out.

Jacko 'In No Way Manhandled'
Official addresses allegations
• Video: Sheriff's Response to Claims

Click on the video link.  It's been edited...the whole speech isn't there, but the video of MJ's arrest is.  To read the text, click the link above the video link. Be aware, they stuck an ad into the video, but you're in the right place.

Someone posted that article by Daniel Ruth(you rock dude!) on FreeRepublic today.  
 

I'm going to do a google for him and bookmark any pages he has.  I want to see the rest of his articles!  This guy knows how to write :-)

The allegations are totally false!  His public relations guy quit yesterday.  MJ's new buddies(Nation of Islam) say he was fired.  Geragos is next, because NOI doesn't like Jews.  Hell, they probably whacked Jacko with a golf club to produce that bruise that could not have one damn thing to do with handcuffs!

This whole thing is starting to remind me of OJ's Bronco chase.  Prior to that event, I thought OJ was being set up....