Maybe a dumb question, but I am sincerely stumped

[Effervescent1482]

I am in the middle of seperating from my exhusband & there is no problem as far as custody of my beautiful 9 month old baby girl. The problem is the only father my daughter is my current boyfriend and I am worried that if God forbid something ever happened to me, she'd go to her biological father. Is there a way I can have it somewhere LEGALLY that in the unlikely event something happens to me, she'd stay with my boyfriend? Her biological father can barely take care of himself, let alone my baby girl and, well, acting in the best case of the child, she should stay with her "Daddy". So what do I do???

[nosonew]

Very doubtful.  Who is on the birth certificate?  I have to assume it is the bio dad.  And does he try to see her?  Does he want to?  Keep in mind, everyone grows up someday, and he may do that right around the corner.  Your best bet is to get him involved (if he isn't) in her life.  Every other weekend, some holidays.  There is nothing wrong with a child having more than two loving parent figures.  Many children have step parents whom they love equal to their biological parents.  Kids can't have enough love in their lives.

The ony way this would happen is if you married bf, ex gave up all rights and your bf legally adopted her.  That is the only sure way.  

[joni]

Probably not, unless the bio dad drops out of her life.  I realize you wanting the best for your daughter but don't try to be consumed by this, it's going to bring down the quality of your life.  

Live in the present, make the arrangements that you can for your daughter that are within your control, like setting up a trust with life insurance for her in case something happens to you.  The trust will keep dad from getting the money.

How long have you been with the new boyfriend.....given that you have a 9 month old with another man?  You seem to be having unwanted anxiety about things beyond your control.  Work on your confidence and self esteem issues and try not to project them upon your daughter.  Very quickly, this consumption is going to take over your life and spin out of control.

Rather than force the biodad out of the picture, try your best to foster the relationship with his child.  Don't try so hard to replace the dad with the new boyfriend.  There is absolutely no reason that your child can't be blessed with two father figures in her life.

[Effervescent1482]

Her bio dad up and left us to go to another state. He left when she was JUST born, and my current bpyfriend went thru everythign with me, tho we've been together officially for less then a year. I dont want to force her bio dad  out of the picture, just was curious about my options. Thanks everyone.

[Peanutsdad]

The ONLY way to LEGALLY  have your daughter go to your bf if something should happen to you,, is to have dad voluntarily give up his rights in a adoption by your bf.


Personally, I would like to know more of the story. There are a LOT of parents out there that can "barely take care of themselves", yet,, they love their children dearly. To even consider cutting them off from their kids is to do their kids wrong.

[Effervescent1482]

OK well basically my daughters biological father left us within a couple weeks after she was born and moved to another state. He hasnt sent any support, never asks about her and has said point blank he isnt interested in any real updates about her. I've asked him to give up his rights, because he OBVIOUSLY cant be bothered, but he insists on "being around".  Which is fine, if he decides to come and see her or try and have a relationship with her that would be great. But I was curious about my rights in this regard because my boyfriend is the only father hse knows and I am concerned about her mental well being. I wasn't tyring to be morbid or anything, it was brought up in a conversation with my mother and wanted to see what options were available to me.

This has nothing to do with self esteem issues or anything of the sort. Just curious.

Thanks again.

[Peanutsdad]

No problem, you also need to check your state statutes on parental abandonment.

[joni]

I have to say you have handled our feedback here with dignity.  Most people would get defensive with statements and our questions if they weren't being sincere and truthful.

You would probably have to check into your state laws regarding abandonment if he won't voluntarily sign away his rights.  You'll have to be patient, many times these laws have a time period on them.  You'll have to let them run their course to take advantage of them.  

In the meantime...enjoy your family.  

[Bolivar OH]

Where you married?
What are the custody arrangements?
Who's name is on the birth certificate?
Have you filed for Child Support?

You're going to hate me for this response.  But........

Try paying him off.

Give him $ to "voluntarily give up his rights in a adoption by your bf"

I know, I know, you don't have to say it.  Cash for your child.  That's immoral.  But look at the alternate.  Your child with a..... well......

[Effervescent1482]

Married in NY, gave birth in FL
She is in MY custody (he'll get her over my cold dead body....maybe). I've said that he can see her when he wishes if he comes down here. There isn't any legal arrangements-yet.
His name (biodad's) is on her cert.
YES.

i dont hate you, but i dont have that kinda $$....i  thought about, believe it or not...besides he'd never do it..."appearances, you know"