CUSTODY OF TEENAGE DAUGHTER

[gooddaddy]

ME AND MY EX-WIFE ARE IN THE NAVY . SHE HAS CUSTODIAN CUSTODY OF OUR DAUGHTER. I USUALLY GET HER IN THE SUMMERTIME . NOW THAT SHE IS GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL , I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE HER LIVE WITH ME FOR THE NEXT THREE YEARS, BEFORE SHE GOES OFF TO COLLEGE. BOTH PARENTS ARE GOOD PARENTS , I JUST FEEL MY DAUGHTER NEEDS TO HAVE SOME OF MY INFLUENCE , SINCE SHE'S BEEN WITH LIVING WITH HER MOM FOR THE LAST FIFTHTEEN YEARS. WHAT CAN I DO?

[ocean]

What does your daughter want to do? She is at an age where the courts will want to hear from her. How close are the two of you now?

[gooddaddy]

we are pretty close and  it does'nt really matter to her who she lives with! but it is relieving to know that the court would at least want to her hear what she wants. i really feel helpless sometimes.

[kittencaboodle]

What is your relationship like with your ex?  

Would she be interested in doing this without a court ordered change?  

[Mediator]

Have you tried talking wtih the mother directly about this?  You can always mediate and if you agree on the modification, file a stipulation with the court so that it becomes enforceable (otherwise it does not).  Mediation will keep the cost way down.

[gooddaddy]

MY EX FEELS THERE IS NOTHING A FATHER CAN DO WITH A TEENAGE GIRL AND WILL FLAT SAY NO WITHOUT GIVING ANY CONSIDERATION. I PERSONALLY THINK ITS THE CHILD SUPPORT. WHEN MY DAUGHTER COMES AND SEE ME IN THE SUMMERTIME , MY EX FEELS SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SEND ME THE CHILD SUPPORT WHILE MY DAUGHTER WAS LIVING WITH.

[Mediator]

A court can dictate the behavior that is to occur but complaince and cooperation is stillin question.  Mediation while not therapy can explore the beleifs that your ex has developed and directly address the differing opinions, fears etc. and translate them into an action agreement.

The court system simply does not provide an environment to explore the issues in depth and typically both parents and child suffer for it.  Mediation can support this process and allows for an improved understanding from both parents. If I did not see it work over and over again I woudl not be in the business.

Of course not everyone is suitable for mediation, although I do deal with high conflict isues and individuals.  You might be surprised at how effective it can be even under stressful situations.