Unreasonable, unfit mother...don't know what to do...

[dease]

I'm not really sure where this would go, so I'm putting it in General.  I apologize if it's long, but it's still a fraction of the story.

My fiance, J, has two half brothers (twins) who are more important to her then anything.  They have not had the easiest life, but lately things have gotten very crazy.  Their (and J's) mom is not all there.  She has consistantly lied to us, them and their father.  She recently got evicted, which we did not find out about until 6 days before the Sheriff was going to put her stuff on the street.  We have paid electric bills, gas bills, phone bills equaling hundreds of dollers over the years for her, often times not knowing she was having problems until we get the disconnected notice over the phone, or would show up at her house and find them with no electricity.  She gets money (est. 700 a month) from the father, but we're not sure where that money goes, it obviously doesn't go to her bills (at least rarely).  We have copies of paperwork stating she hadn't paid rent in over a year at her last apartment.  We have court documentation that she has been sued for over $2,500.  We have reciepts of utilities with overdue amounts, sometimes for over $700. We have walked into their old apartment and found the electric off, and then found out it's been off for a week.  We have offered help and financial support, but we never get asked until it's shut off or hundreds of dollars, and ever since she moved in with us, the response every time is "... I can handle it, you aren't the parent, I don't need your help, I've handled it for 15 years, I can handle it now..." etc.  She refuses our help (other then handouts, she'll always take cash) and she has refused the numerous offers we've made to help her organize her finances, or help her with vocational rehabilitation, or help her with getting a job.

We have documented proof that she has lied to schools, social workers, couselers through the years.  DFS still has our home address as where the kids live, which we only found out about because we got mail for her one day.  There is more...much more...

Our acknowledgement of how bad this woman is, came from the eviction.  After finding out about the eviction from a family friend, we took it upon ourselves to rent a storage locker and move all her stuff out, with little cooperation or help from her.  She lived with us for almost 4 months, and it was a struggle every day.  She is not living in reality, she is delusional, depressed and paranoid.  Unfortunately there is no documented medical proof of this.  After enduring months of abuse from her, and watching the twins get more and more depressed, she called the police on me (because I was trying to get our phone which we were letting her use back from her).  The police essentially told me I can kick her out anytime, and if I wanted (because she pushed me) I could file assualt charges.  I didn't want to do that, but I can not have someone living in my home who will call the police on me every time she gets upset, so we asked her to leave.  We gave her every opportunity to leave the boys with us, or with their  father (who wants them badly), but she insisted on making them homeless with her.

She stayed with a friend (who has stomach cancer and lives with her mom who has alzheimers) for about a week, before the friend couldn't take her behaviour and kicked her out too.  We have documentation from this friend about the erraticness and bizarre behaviour during her stay.  Now she is living in a motel.  For months we've heard that "...she's getting keys to an apartment any day..." and as of yet, nothing has happened.

We've tried to get her to let the boys live with their father, at least temporarily till she can get back on her feet (I don't think she ever will, but to placate...).  My fiance (her daughter) and I have offered to take them in temporarily, and through all this she keeps telling us that staying in a motel and moving every couple days is a better environment for the kids then living with us (2 college educated, successful, home owning and stable adults), or living with their father (who loves them very much, and is worried sick about them).

She is unable to handle money, refuses to get a job, and is living on the child support.  She will take money from anyone, lie and use anyone to get what she wants.  She even racked up hundreds of dollars of debt under my fiance's name for her utilities, and then didn't even tell us about it (we found a bill, in J's name - then made some calls).

Consistantly we have been told by Department of Family Services that until they are "...living in their car, in the winter, and not going to school..." there's nothing they can do.

I refuse to believe this.  This woman is destroying what little chance these kids have for a normal life, and driving everyone away from her.  There has to be something we can do.  We have documentation and available witnesses, both friends of hers, aquantences of the boys, people she's lived with, etc, all saying she is an unfit mother, and yet we are still told she has all the rights!!!

If anyone has any information at all, even a phone number where we can get more then "...nothing we can do...", PLEASE, let us know.  If you want more information, there is plenty.


Thank you.

[dontunderstand]

What state are you in?  First I would continue to call CPS, call supervisors and their supervisors, etc.  Go down there take your paperwork sit until someone listens to you and agrees to either A) help you or B) tell you who can help you.  Be a bug.  I know it is alot of work, but it appears all involved care deeply with the exception of BM who sounds like she has a SERIOUS mental illness.  Realize that the outcome is 2 young men having the chance at a "normal" life...  

[gipsy]

I personally watched a trial where My atty advised a man to take the kids , And File a temporary restraining order keeping her from taking the kids , They then appointed A Guardian Ad litem , And the dad won custody , If you are college educated , You must have the capability to help , And consult a number of atty's , I would say ,  The above should be the process , And I have seen the hard side of life My self , The mother is a con artist , And its likely she uses drug , Unless its just plain mental disorders , But I would say consult a number of atty's . And Its Been something I was told before . If the children are in danger , The judge is going to wonder why some one did not take them out of it , And take the mother through the courts process , I went through a long process during my case , And had joined a mens group , I have heard many stories , And Yours seems to be one that you or the dad have a good chance of getting custody ,
  If you Take the kids or more likely the Dad , And file a temp restraining order , the mother doesn't seem to have any ability to deal with the courts process , Nor will she be able to get an atty . Simply I would talk to a number of attyt's

 Personally if my son was living like this , I would of course interview a number of atty's . Unless they told me absolutley not to , I would TAKE My son and go file a restraing order on the mother at the court , And file to have a Guardian ad litem appointed , I just don't think any judge is going to say living with the mother is in the best interest of the child .
  There is a bit of a process , Court appearances , And interviews with the GAL , And if she is this wacky it should come out , But some nut cases  are very good at acting normal in these situations ,
 As My frien said " Even a nut can act normal for a while . But the courts process is long , And she will be haveing to deal with atty fees . And the GAL will want to see her place of residence etc ,
  The case I watched My atty win
  The judges comments were , " The mother has to be able to take care of herself before she can raise a child " And My atty won for a man " !!!
  Gey off yopur @$$ and talk to atty's untill you find one that sounds normal , And read atty selection on this site , My son would not be in this with out me taking him period