CA Resident - 36 weeks pregnant and have questions!

[Smiling_Beguiling]

Hi all,

So glad to have found this group. I am 39 years old and pregnant w/ my first child, a little girl. I'll be 37 weeks pregnant this coming Thursday so I'm getting VERY close to D-Day and a lot of the convictions I have had throughout this pregnancy about pursuing child support, listing the birth father on her birth certificate, establishing paternity, guardianship of my daughter should something happen to me, etc. have started to change.

I am seeing a Family Law attorney later this week to hopefully resolve some of these questions and issues but would love any input/suggestions that you may have.

As I said, I'm 39 years old. I own my own single family residence but am currently not working, though I will of course be going back to work within 3-6 months postpartum. My parents are in their 80's and I am co-Trustee of their estate, which takes up a good deal of my time and has for almost 6 years. Having a baby "alone" (unmarried) has thrown an interesting cog into the wheels of my life, but I'm thrilled about this pregnancy and about becoming a mother.

I met the baby's father last summer and we "dated" about a month before I became pregnant. He lives in Nevada and already has two children (ages 7 and 9) and an ex-wife that he pays child support for and alimony to. He works two jobs and struggles to handle even that much.

I realize that his financial situation is NOT my problem but I've really never had any intention of asking him for, nor legally going after, any child support. If he WANTS to participate in her life and if he WANTS to contribute in whatever way he is able, then that's great, but I don't want to legally go after him for it. It just hasn't seemed necessary given the fact that he is still in contact with me regularly and wants to be a part of my daughters life.

But I'm not exactly counting on it either.

My original plan was to NOT put his name on the birth certificate so that any aid I may need to seek in the future wouldn't be jeopordized by the state first seeking HIM out before approving any aid for my daughter (e.g. WIC, Medi-Cal, etc.). But now I'm unsure if this is even possible.

Also, it occured to me that perhaps he would WANT his daughter should something happen to me down the road, even though my intent was to declare my sister and her husband as legal guardians in that event.

My feeling is that FORCING child support will only cause resentments -- something I do not wish to engage in. I don't want to resentful b/c he can't (or won't) pay. I don't want him to resent his daughter b/c he is forced to pay what he cannot afford. I don't want my daughters' relationship w/ her father to suffer either. Regardless of what my relationship may be with the father in the future (right now it's amicable), my main concern is HER needs.

Please note that I am also a "product" of CA state adoption law and the LA County Social Services and Foster Care system. I was relinquished for adoption upon my birth in 1967 when records were sealed as a matter of course and though I was able to reunite w/ my biological family in 1997 and my adoptive family was (is) wonderful, I don't ever want to deny my daughter the right to know the truth of her origins. I'm just unsure if placing his name on her birth certificate is really a necessary means of doing that.

Sorry if none of this is making any sense. I am feeling the pressure to make sound legal decisions - and soon - given where I'm at in my pregnancy.

Again, suggestions are most welcome!

Thanks,

C ~

[Giggles]

If you go for any kind of State Aid they WILL go after the birth father for reimbursment...sad but true.  You stated that he lives in NV and you're in CA.  It is possible to draw up a CS agreement and file it with the court that he is to pay for all transportation costs (for visitation) in lieu of support.  As long as both parties agree you should be able to get it through the court.  OR...another solution is that he does pay you an amount of support (on record) and you send it right back to him (off record).

The main concern here is the lil one.  If both parties can work out a fair agreement, then there really is no need to go to court.  He can be listed on the BC.  To get around him paying support, your visitation agreement could give him 50/50 placement...but you have to becareful in that in a 50/50 placement, the person with the most income could pay CS.  Instead of talking to a lawyer just yet.  Talk to the father, get your ideas down on paper...THEN see the lawyer.

[futureuselesseater]

Hey, just so you know in Texas I got WIC and the state never asked me about the father and him paying or nothing.  I know your in a different state, but WIC is a governmental program so I think having WIC is ok if there is a father paying or not.

[Smiling_Beguiling]

Hi all,

So glad to have found this group. I am 39 years old and pregnant w/ my first child, a little girl. I'll be 37 weeks pregnant this coming Thursday so I'm getting VERY close to D-Day and a lot of the convictions I have had throughout this pregnancy about pursuing child support, listing the birth father on her birth certificate, establishing paternity, guardianship of my daughter should something happen to me, etc. have started to change.

I am seeing a Family Law attorney later this week to hopefully resolve some of these questions and issues but would love any input/suggestions that you may have.

As I said, I'm 39 years old. I own my own single family residence but am currently not working, though I will of course be going back to work within 3-6 months postpartum. My parents are in their 80's and I am co-Trustee of their estate, which takes up a good deal of my time and has for almost 6 years. Having a baby "alone" (unmarried) has thrown an interesting cog into the wheels of my life, but I'm thrilled about this pregnancy and about becoming a mother.

I met the baby's father last summer and we "dated" about a month before I became pregnant. He lives in Nevada and already has two children (ages 7 and 9) and an ex-wife that he pays child support for and alimony to. He works two jobs and struggles to handle even that much.

I realize that his financial situation is NOT my problem but I've really never had any intention of asking him for, nor legally going after, any child support. If he WANTS to participate in her life and if he WANTS to contribute in whatever way he is able, then that's great, but I don't want to legally go after him for it. It just hasn't seemed necessary given the fact that he is still in contact with me regularly and wants to be a part of my daughters life.

But I'm not exactly counting on it either.

My original plan was to NOT put his name on the birth certificate so that any aid I may need to seek in the future wouldn't be jeopordized by the state first seeking HIM out before approving any aid for my daughter (e.g. WIC, Medi-Cal, etc.). But now I'm unsure if this is even possible.

Also, it occured to me that perhaps he would WANT his daughter should something happen to me down the road, even though my intent was to declare my sister and her husband as legal guardians in that event.

My feeling is that FORCING child support will only cause resentments -- something I do not wish to engage in. I don't want to resentful b/c he can't (or won't) pay. I don't want him to resent his daughter b/c he is forced to pay what he cannot afford. I don't want my daughters' relationship w/ her father to suffer either. Regardless of what my relationship may be with the father in the future (right now it's amicable), my main concern is HER needs.

Please note that I am also a "product" of CA state adoption law and the LA County Social Services and Foster Care system. I was relinquished for adoption upon my birth in 1967 when records were sealed as a matter of course and though I was able to reunite w/ my biological family in 1997 and my adoptive family was (is) wonderful, I don't ever want to deny my daughter the right to know the truth of her origins. I'm just unsure if placing his name on her birth certificate is really a necessary means of doing that.

Sorry if none of this is making any sense. I am feeling the pressure to make sound legal decisions - and soon - given where I'm at in my pregnancy.

Again, suggestions are most welcome!

Thanks,

C ~

[Giggles]

If you go for any kind of State Aid they WILL go after the birth father for reimbursment...sad but true.  You stated that he lives in NV and you're in CA.  It is possible to draw up a CS agreement and file it with the court that he is to pay for all transportation costs (for visitation) in lieu of support.  As long as both parties agree you should be able to get it through the court.  OR...another solution is that he does pay you an amount of support (on record) and you send it right back to him (off record).

The main concern here is the lil one.  If both parties can work out a fair agreement, then there really is no need to go to court.  He can be listed on the BC.  To get around him paying support, your visitation agreement could give him 50/50 placement...but you have to becareful in that in a 50/50 placement, the person with the most income could pay CS.  Instead of talking to a lawyer just yet.  Talk to the father, get your ideas down on paper...THEN see the lawyer.

[futureuselesseater]

Hey, just so you know in Texas I got WIC and the state never asked me about the father and him paying or nothing.  I know your in a different state, but WIC is a governmental program so I think having WIC is ok if there is a father paying or not.