what do i do?

[mickey1976]

I have been married for 5 years the end of nov. My husband has two boys from before me they live with there mother. I have a 5 year old, that is not my husbands but he has been there for him from day one. He is the only dad that my son knows. My sons father lives out of state and has not seen him from the time her was 2 months old. Me and my husband have two girls toghter 3 and 2. My husband left us. He was the one working while I went to school full time for my RN. He will not tell me were he is living. So family court told me i can not do anything due to them not being able to serve him. I have 6 weeks left my classes i am takeing now end. I can not make what i need to support my childern while i am in school full time too. everyone i call that i think could help me tell me to i know were he is living they can not do anything. I live in NY. My sister gave me my rent money today to help me but she can not keep doing that. oh he also took the 1800.00 that was in are checking account so i have 1300.00 in bounced checks out there now too. That I am the only one stuck with the checking account was in just my name but he had an ATM card. My 3 year old cried for over a hour because she did not want to go to bed to daddy came home. I just held her to she finally fell asleep. This is so unfair to them. I have no idea how to pay the bills that bounced now. family court does not want to help because i do not know were he is. I filed for a temp coustody so he could not take the 3 year old for head start, or try to come back when i am at school and take them from the sitter. Family court told me to they talk to him they will not grant it to me. So he can come at anytime and take the girls, how is that fair. his friends thatr i called to try to get were he is living they will not tell me but they said he is drinking, he has not had a drink in over 3 years now so that scares me very much he gets nuts when he is drinking. What do i do no one wants to help me?

[mistoffolees]

I feel very sorry for you and wish you the best.

You should probably start by talking with Child Protective Services. I'm sure that they deal with this all the time. First, if his friends say he's drinking, you may be able to get a protection order that will keep him away from the kids (it's going to be hard to prove, but if CPS gets involved and he refuses to communicate with them, that's going to hurt him). You might also apply for financial assistance through your state or county. If you explain what has happened and that you only need assistance until you can get out of school, you might be able to get some help.

I would talk to your bank and the people whose checks have bounced and explain the situation. Tell them you plan to make everything good as soon as you're working and will give them a payment plan when you land a job. Invariably, if you communicate with them, they'll work with you (they don't want to spend the money suing you if they can help it). Where people get in trouble is trying to hide from financial problems. THAT is never a solution.

Finally, I would start interviewing for RN jobs right away. This serves two purposes. First, with today's RN market, there's a good chance you'll be able to land a job starting as soon as you finish your classes. If you wait until you're done, you might lose a couple of weeks. Second, if you find a job you like and where they like you, I'd ask if you could start as an RN after your classes are done, but that you'd be interested in any part time work that they might have in the mean time (you don't need your degree for filing, for example). Depending on your state, you might even be able to assist with things like flu shots.

I would also suggest that you ask this question on the Socrateaser board since he's in much better condition to make legal recommendations. I assume that there is SOME way to obtain a divorce and custody even if the other person isn't there, but I personally don't have any idea how you'd do that. Socrateaser would know.

Just keep in mind that in the end you will be better off without him if he's going to act like this. You  will have a terrible year ahead of you, but eventually you'll find that you have the kids and he doesn't. As an RN, you'll manage.

One final word of advice - as soon as you can swing the time and money, get some counseling. It will help you deal with the current issue, but will also help you with making better life choices for the future. With several young kids, you'll need all the help you can get.

Good luck.

[notnew]

You need to apply for welfare and food stamps asap.

The other poster has very good suggestions too and I highly agree with posting to the Dear Socrateaser forum.

You may also want to contact your local legal aid bureau to see if they can offer any legal help.

Also, maybe contact some shelters, programs to help abused women? While you may not fall into that catagory, I feel it is abusive to be deserted with no way to pay the bills.

Keep us posted. I know this is a rough time, but just don't lose sight of that RN - you need it now more than ever.

Also, lesson learned about financial mangement - NEVER allow anyone access to your accounts.

BTW - also contact children's aid societies in your area, Christmas is around the corner and you don't want to worry about getting Santa to come at the last minute. Now is the time these agencies are scoping out the eligible families.

don't feel bad about seeking or accepting help. We all need it sometimes. Thank God it is there.