Child protective services- I'm freaking out

[Mamacass]

Not sure what to do!  My husband came home early today (because SS was sick) and gets home to find something form child protective services on the door.  I haven't seen it yet, but he said its a pamphlet and its in concern of the emotional abuse of SS.  

I find this absolutely appalling after all the crap BM has put him through.  The emotional mess she is, because of her mental issues and her bad choices all gets put on SS.  She has made him her confidante and told him some really crazy stuff.  

Yes, we currently have him in counseling.  And according to his teacher, he has adjusted wonderfully to school.  I think we have done everything we could to make a smooth transition to us having custody.  (No that it was a big change b/c he spent SO much time with us even when she had custody).

We have the appeal for the custody hearing in 2 weeks, and I'm not sure if this is one of her tricks to hurt our chances of keeping custody.  

Or it could just be her going overboard (which she does wherever SS is concerned).  She has a history of going nuts over anything concerning SS.  She tried a few times to have DH's visitation taken away before we had custody b/c of absolutely ridiculous stuff.  She also has tried to have people fired and actually followed a woman home last year and screamed at her trying to get the woman to come out and fight her -all because the lady drove a little too fast in the school parking lot.  

I am livid, b/c we are sure that BM is behind this.  I'm not sure what we do at this point.  I almost would like to have them investigate, b/c then they could see how well SS is taken care of at our house.  He complains that he gets splinters from sleeping on the floor at her house (he shares a bedroom with his mom at her parent's house.  The room is unfinished, and he doesn't have a bed.)  I just worry that this will be under investigation when we go to court and will hurt our case.  

I don't know what to do, and if you can't tell, I'm kind of freaking out.  If anyone has any experience, please tell me what you know.  Any advice is very much appreciated.  

[janM]

He should call the local office and find out if there has actually been a complaint made. A pamphlet doesn't sound very official. He would get a letter from them wanting to arrange an interview with him.

My son just went through this, he has had custody of my GS since 2002 (boy is 8 now). BM gave him custody.

My son told bm she was taking GS over New Years, as he was going out of town and she had never kept him for that holiday before. As we expected, GS spent several days at his aunt's instead (bm rarely takes him overnight). He was due back at school on the 8th, but BM said he had the stomach flu and kept him out all that week. Son let her keep him because he and his fiance both work.

It seems GS was not sick at all. According to GS, BM took him to her family doc and had GS tell him a bunch of stuff about life with dad. Doc called CPS, who talked to BM. CPS interviewed the 2 of them at the aunt's house the next day (she lives in Dad's county) and GS told the same tales to the CW.

The next week BM kept him for MLK day and supposedly took him to school on the Tues. On Wed. I talked to the school for son because they let BM pick him up again after school Tues. and they told me he wasn't at school Wed. Son called BM and had her bring him right home that evening.

Son and fiance and I met with the CW on the Friday and we told her what BM was likely up to, like telling CS (she is over 10 grand in arrears and facing jail again) she had emergency custody. She told the school that too, even tho neither institution had anything on paper. I think the CW was wondering why the answers differed so much. After that GS told him BM had made him lie about being sick and what he told the CW. A few days later she talked to GS alone at school and they are closing the case as unfounded.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. If anything, you have grounds for a complaint if he is sleeping on the floor there. Don't they have a couch he could use? Give the CW the counsellor's number and tell her to talk to his teacher if she needs to verify how well he's adjusting.

Do find out if there is a real complaint or not. And don't worry. As our CW said, they are in the business of providing resources to parents, not taking kids away. At least not in your case!

I think our BM's are related LOL!

[Mamacass]

We have court in 2 weeks, and I guess one of my big worries is that they'll be in the middle of investigating us when we have the hearing.  That (to me anyways) sounds really bad, to be investigated for abuse by CPS.  

Its amazing to me, b/c last year we called b/c we believed she had people at her house doing drugs (long story, won't get into it), and they told us since we didn't actually see the drugs that they couldn't do anything.  

I've heard of this happening to people, but never in my wildest thoughts did I ever think it would be us.  DH tried to called CPS and couldn't get in touch with anyone.   I know once they investigate, eveything will be fine.  

[Kitty C.]

This happened during our custody dispute about 14 years ago.  Every time the case appeared to be going bad for DS's dad, he'd report me to CPS (CA).  I ended up having a social worker assigned to me and put on a 6 month contract with them.  Even during that time, he continued to report me, even tho the SW was doing home visits on a weekly basis.  ALL reports were unfounded.  The only reason why I had to contract with them is because the initial report actually came thru the daycare provider, but was prompted by him.

My SW became my biggest ally and agreed with my atty. as to why he was doing this.  My atty. wrote a letter to his stating the same thing.  It never helped him in court.

Consider it a last ditch effort of a desperate person.  Yes, it is incredibly nerve-wracking and stressful, but remember the saying:  'Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.'  If you have a contact person or someone you're working with from CPS, let them know about the upcoming hearing and see if you can get them to appear on YOUR behalf.  

But I doubt that any of this will even come out at your appeal hearing, as the judge is ONLY going to want to hear about the case up to the last hearing.....he probably won't allow for any new information.  I'd ask Soc about that one, just to make sure.

[janM]

I know it sounds bad, but it's almost funny in our case. The things BM was saying (he's left alone - there's no law on that, not that they do...they'll take off with him - helllo dad just bought a house last summer....etc) are not anything they'd remove GS over. Thank god she didn't allege anything worse. We're not sure what was going through her mentally ill mind. She thought she should have him but couldn't get him to school all week. She probably couldn't risk having anyone see the rug burns she gave him.

If you wanted to prove drug use you'd maybe have to have the cops do a welfare check while the kids were there and you thought those people were there too.

Sounds strange he couldn't reach anyone...

Good luck and don't worry about it. If things go well with CPS, as they should, maybe you should subpoena the CW to court. Sounds like BM is getting desperate.

[Mamacass]

So, DH finally got in touch with someone, and they are investigating us.  And DH talked to SS, and asked him if he said anything that would cause people to want to talk to us.  SS told DH that he told BM that Daddy yelled at him and that BM told SS that she was going to call social services.  How does a 7 y/o know what social services is?  (DH didn't tell him who wanted to talk to us)

Then, SS told DH that he had to tell him something else.  He said that he had to talk to someone at school, and he told them that his daddy is hurting him.  

This is so crazy.  We don't spank him, or pop him, or punish him physically in anyway.  CPS website states that spanking isn't abuse anyway.  But BM decided last year taht she was going to change the way she parents, and threw a fit about spankings, so we agreed not to spank/pop him for anything and only use timeouts and grounding.  Not a big deal.

So DH asks SS why he would tell someone that daddy hurts him.  SS tells him he doesn't know, but starts getting really quiet.  So DH ventures a little guess and asks "did Mommy tell you to say that?"  SS suddenly can't look DH in the eye, and hangs his head and says no.  So DH tells him, to tell the truth, b/c this is really serious and we need to know what's going on.  So SS tells him yes, mommy told him to say it.  Keep in mind, SS is not a good liar.  DH and I can always tell when he is lying b/c he can't look you in the eye.  And if he thinks he's going to get in trouble for it he will also hang his head.

I am absolutely sick about this.  I have known BM to pull some pretty shady stuff, but this really tops it all.  I never thought she would get so desperate that she would go so far.  She has mental issues, but this is really sick.  I understand she misses him living with her, but he is happy and healthy.  He is doing so well with us.  Why would she screw him up like this?  I can only imagine that if he finds out how serious this really is, and that his little lie started al this, he's going to be really upset.  

The social services lady just left, and DH told me that she found nothing to be concerned about.  She still wants to meet me and our our son, but she doesn't see anything that would cause SS to be in danger.  So hopefully all of this will just go away, and won't bother our case at all.  I really hope that all the stress we've been under today was for nothing.  

[janM]

They must be related!

That sounds so familiar. Son and fiance had to stress to GS that this lady must NOT be lied to, because that would get someone in more trouble, and that she will find out the truth. They are starting to have to deal with GS lying about things, gee no wonder, mom shows him how!

It's so frustrating. We know BM really doesn't want him with her, we think she thought if they did take him away she would be off the hook for CS. NOT!

We told you not to worry. They have to go through the motions, just to be sure and cover their behinds legally.

I just wish these "mothers" would not use the kids like this.

[dipper]

After dh and I got engaged, bm started wanting to move away.  both sons told her that neither wanted to go.  Well, she waited.  Then something happened at dh's and he spanked ss.

OSS told bm...and the next day at school here comes CPS....asking ss what happened.  They checked him for marks...went to oss' school and talked with him.  Now, oss did not tell to get anyone in trouble, he was talking about how ss had did something so bad his dad had spanked him...dh does not spank, believe me....

DH had to go to cps, but they cleared him.  Sad thing is, she knew ss was not abused....think of what she put the children through - they were old enough to be embarrassed and know that it was just a lie...