NEED ALL OPINIONS & SUGGESTIONS PLS!

[rosegdrose]

Hello Everyone,

I would like all suggestions and thoughts. I am going to be going to trial soon for custody. I am making a list of the things that I am giong to ask for.

Please let me know of some things that you have in your order/custody plan. This could be regular things. Or issues that you feel, whether you are CP or NCP, are important. Things that you wish you had in you order. Things that you have had to go back to court over. Issues that weren'y properly clarified.

I thank you all for your suggestions. I have 2 toddlers, 1 & 3 years old.

Thanks.

[Giggles]

Make sure all holidays (school and federal) are spelled out, meaning if they fall on the other parents visitation time, when that time starts and when the child is to be returned.  For example...Monday is Presidents day and I know my children are off from school.  Normal visitation would end on Sunday, but if it were their father's weekend, on a school holiday such as this, I would let him have them until Monday thus giving him a 3 day weekend with the children.  Also, my kids get out of school 2 hours early on the Friday before hand.  In this senario, I would have their father pick them up early even though the court order states on normal visitation that it starts at 7 pm, in this case it could start from when the children are released from school.

Make sure drop off and pick up times are spelled out.  As well as where those are to incurr.  Include a grace time (say 30 min) without notice of running late, visitation will be canceled and no make up time permitted.

Have "make - up" visitation spelled out.

Right to first refusal is a MUST

Move away clauses.  Limit distance that the other party can move.  If they go beyond that then they are responsible for all transportation costs.

I would also include a "what if" clause.  That should something happen to one or the other of the parents, what should happen in regards to custody of the children.  For instance, I'm all my YD has.  Her father has not been a contributing factor in her life, he sees her now and then, but really does not have much interaction with her.  Should something happen to me, I DO NOT want her father gaining custody of her.  In my will I have it spelled out where she is to go and whom will gain guardianship of her.  I can do that because her father did not want any kind of custody nor visitation defined.  I have sole legal and physical custody.

[wysiwyg]

spell out medical  concerns, ie who provides who cards, if one party is a NCP  have a form from the hospital or notary allowing the NCP to allow and sign for medical treatment without having to track down the CP, this expidites health emergencies.

I always wanted to get the child after school on friday or on last day prior to a holiday and return to school next school day in AM.  

Make ups as the other poster said are a MUST< this includes when the child is ill, if ill you do not want the child to be transported to adn from different homes, so agree to have a make up on another parenting time.

DO NOT call your time VISITATION, call it parenting time, the essance that a parent visits a child is nuts, you are being a parent call it for what it is.  

CP is to inform NCP whenever the child is removed from the area, and leave a land line number and itinery of where the child can be reached.

NOthing is to be scheduled on your parenting time without your approval.  This goes for all extracurricular activities, you whould have the say of if the child can attend, and make an effort to either trade a weekend for the child or take the child to the activity, but the decision os yours and do not let anyone impose that upon you.  We all understand that kids want to do things but we have to be parents first and not allow that to be confused with anger and preventions just becasue. If the child wants to do something then as a rule we do this:  1. if it interferes with previously made plans we do our thing, 1.  offer to find another weekend so child can go.

Just a couple things to think on.

[Jade]

>Hello Everyone,
>
>I would like all suggestions and thoughts. I am going to be
>going to trial soon for custody. I am making a list of the
>things that I am giong to ask for.
>
>Please let me know of some things that you have in your
>order/custody plan. This could be regular things. Or issues
>that you feel, whether you are CP or NCP, are important.
>Things that you wish you had in you order. Things that you
>have had to go back to court over. Issues that weren'y
>properly clarified.
>
>I thank you all for your suggestions. I have 2 toddlers, 1 & 3
>years old.
>
>Thanks.


Given how young your children are, I would go for shorter, more frequent visits.  The EOW and once during the week schedule is really hard on that young of an age.  

I would also look at both yours and the other parent's schedule.  If you have alternating shifts, you could work it out where you get them while the other parent is at work and the other parent has them while you are at work.  This would save both of you on child care costs.

Keep in mind, as they get older, parenting time does change to adjust to the needs of the child(ren) at the time.  It helps if both parents get along.  

I have primary residential custody and joint legal.  The visitation arrangement we have is worded as "liberal visitation rights as mutually agreed upon".  This type of wording will NOT work if the parents don't get along and keep the children's best interests in mind.  

It works for my ex and me because we are focused on the kids.  My children are 5 & 7.   Should it stop working, then we will go to court and get it spelled out.

[Tennessee Dad]

I agree with most all above, except for this:

>Should it stop working, then we will
>go to court and get it spelled out.

My thought is to get EVERY detail possible spelled out in the court orders, then adjust to meet the needs better after the fact.  Does that make sense?  

Example:  I am the CP, and BM has court ordered time:  EOWeekend and Wednesday after school, plus alternating holidays and four weeks in summer.  Then, based on child's wishes, I give additional time with BM when possible.  When BM behaves herself, she gets additional time; when she acts up, she gets only court ordered time.  When daughter wants to see BM more, I try to accomodate, even though BM doesn't do what she is supposed to do (a LONG story!).  But there are times I have to explain to daughter that though BM "says" she ISN'T getting to see you enough, it's because she CHOOSES not to get you when she is supposed to.  Thankfully, daughter is old enough (age 9) and smart enough to understand that.  Just trying to take care of daughter, regardless of BM's problems.  

So, my thought is to include as much detail as possible, rather than plan on another court visit to make corrections.  

[Jade]

>I agree with most all above, except for this:
>
>>Should it stop working, then we will
>>go to court and get it spelled out.
>
>My thought is to get EVERY detail possible spelled out in the
>court orders, then adjust to meet the needs better after the
>fact.  Does that make sense?  
>
>Example:  I am the CP, and BM has court ordered time:
>EOWeekend and Wednesday after school, plus alternating
>holidays and four weeks in summer.  Then, based on child's
>wishes, I give additional time with BM when possible.  When BM
>behaves herself, she gets additional time; when she acts up,
>she gets only court ordered time.  When daughter wants to see
>BM more, I try to accomodate, even though BM doesn't do what
>she is supposed to do (a LONG story!).  But there are times I
>have to explain to daughter that though BM "says" she ISN'T
>getting to see you enough, it's because she CHOOSES not to get
>you when she is supposed to.  Thankfully, daughter is old
>enough (age 9) and smart enough to understand that.  Just
>trying to take care of daughter, regardless of BM's problems.
>
>
>So, my thought is to include as much detail as possible,
>rather than plan on another court visit to make corrections.
>
>
>
>

I wanted it more detailed, but his lawyer and my lawyer were reluctant for reasons I don't want to go into.  And by then I just wanted to get it over with.  And as I stated, it is working for ex and me.  It won't work for everybody.

[Tennessee Dad]

I understand, and please don't think I was saying you were wrong.  It's just my opinion, based on my experience, that the more detail in the orders the better.  Less frustration and (usually unproductive) discussion that way.  We did not submit a parenting plan; if so I would have wanted everything spelled out.  The Judge gave his orders, and that's what we live with.  Fortunately, he covered most of the bases for me.

[rosegdrose]

Thanks to all of you. I definitely want a very detailed order. We don't get along right now and all we'll end up doing is being in court. Thanks again