Child care issues...

[gemini3]

Question:  If my ex gets a job that requires her to be at work when the children get home from school, and I am available after school hours to care for the children, can she put them in daycare anyway?  We don't have anything about first right of refusal in the custody agreement.  However, if she has to pay for child care she can have that amount calculated into the child support.  I don't think I should have to pay additional costs when I am available to care for the kids.

[mistoffolees]

You didn't mention who has custody. I'm assuming that she has either sole custody or joint custody (if you have sole custody, the answer is that she can't do anything without your OK).

If she has sole or joint custody, she can put the children into day care whenever she wants. There are several things you could do:

1. She can claim whatever she wants for expenses, but it doesn't mean a thing until she goes to court for a modification of child support. If she does so, it opens up the whole child support issue and she might actually get less.  Furthermore, if she goes to court for a modifcation of child support, you could argue at that time that you are available to sit when the kids get home from work and it would be better for the kids to be with a parent rather than a stranger (this would be a better argument than the money issue).

2. You could take the initiative and ask the court to change the custody and/or visitation schedule to have you watch the kids after school and adjust the support accordingly. That's a minefiled, though, and would probably be very expensive.

3. You could ask the court for a modification of your custody agreement to add 'right of first refusal'. I don't know how likely this is or now expensive -  a local attorney would probably have to tell you.

My own inclination (not knowing any of the people involved) would be to simply ask her and tell her how much money she'd save if you were watching the kids. If she says that she will just get more support, you need to point out that this isn't automatic and she'd have to go back to court to request a modification - and it could end up with her getting LESS. Far better to just agree to having you watch the kids.

Of course, it's possible that she has some concerns with that or she is just being vindictive. If THAT is the case, I'll bet that anything you try would be expensive and time consuming, so you're probably better off letting it go for now and only raise the issue if she goes to court to modify support.

Finally, a lot depends on the age of the kids and the rest of the situation. For example, if the kids are pre-teens, it's only for a couple of years before they won't need sitters, anyway. And if you're seeing them weekly, it's not quite as big a deal as if you're seeing them only once a month.

Good luck.

[Mamacass]

We're on the flip side.  BM is asking to be responsible for the child care after school for SS.  We have declined, b/c she isn't reliable.  Last year when she had custody she often gave us last minute notice to pick up SS for her b/c she had doctor appointments, didn't feel well, or just had something else to do.  Then there was the day she overslept and didn't pick him up from the bus stop (so the busdriver took him back to school).  Also, she is pregnant now, and I'm not sure when she's due (she never told us she was pregnant, SS did), but we're pretty sure it's soon.  Not to mention, we have agreed that she could have a mid-week visit on tuesdays, and in the last 7 weeks, she has picked him up for 1.  

So our situation is a lot different than yours.  She is appealing the custody case (that we won in September) and is trying to get more visitation.  One of the things she wants is for her to have him anytime we would normally take him to daycare (which amounts to 2 hours a day at most, but some days is only 30 minutes).  I'm hoping that the judge won't approve this, however if she were reliable and mentally well, I think we could deal with it.