Medical Stuff

[gemini3]

BM has consistently blocked me from accessing the children's medical records.  She flies off the handle any time I ask for anything, and then proceeds to tell me about how I am not their primary care-giver so why do I need to know this, etc.

Long story short, my childs teacher suggested testing for a possible developmental disability.  I told my ex, who is a stay at home mom and the CP, but we have joint legal. (Which covers medical, right?).  I was leaving for a trip for work, and aksed her to make an appointment for the test.  Fast forward two months and the appointment still hasn't been made.  I ask BM about it, and she says she will make an appointment (this was during the 2 week "honeymoon period" after she was served custody paperwork and was being amazingly cooperative).  She makes the appointment for the kid during school hours, which I don't like - but hey, at least the child is finally getting tested, so I don't complain.  

Turns out the doctor she took the child to doesn't test for that.  How she could make an appointment for a dr that doesn't test for that without knowing it is beyond me, so I get fed up and make the appointment myself for after kid gets out of school.  Well, ex flies off the handle and tells me I have no right making appointment without consulting her, and then proceeds to make another appointment for a different doctor (during school hours again).  Then she tells me that she can't go to an appointment after school because she's started babysitting some kids after school at her house.

So, should I take the kid to the appointment anyway?  I'm not sure how to proceed with this.  I don't think that her work schedule should take precedence over kids school schedule.  I think appointments should be made for after school unless it's an emergency.  I also think that, since we live a short distance from each other, whichever parent is available to take kid to the appointment should do it, to avoid disruption of kids school schedule.  

[mistoffolees]

If you have joint legal, then you're entirely within your rights to take your child to medical appointments. You're also within your rights to schedule reasonable medical appointments (as long as there's a reason to believe that the care is necessary - you would probably not want to schedule purely cosmetic surgery, for example).

However, I would not waste the time with a doctor who is not skilled in the area required. Make your own appointment with the doctor you want to see and then take him/her.

As for the medical records, make copies of the divorce decree showing that you have joint legal. Give a copy to the doctors involved. If they refuse to provide the information, you may need to have your attorney send them a certified letter for the information.

[MixedBag]

And the bottom line depends on what's really in your decree.

Make the appointment with the right specialist.

Make it on the child's time with you, then Mom can't interfere with it because the child will be with you.

"I don't think that her work schedule should take precedence over kids school schedule. I think appointments should be made for after school unless it's an emergency."

Learn to pick and choose your battles.....because heck, as a working parent, I would make the appointments as they fit my schedule because I had to handle and manage my life as a whole.  Let this go.

"I also think that, since we live a short distance from each other, whichever parent is available to take kid to the appointment should do it, to avoid disruption of kids school schedule. "

I think you're right on target with this comment.....but again, I can tell you as a parent, when I was making that decision for my girls, I would weigh everything and do what I felt was best.    In weighing everything, I'd be thinking "Now just how many times did Amanda miss her Algebra class or Band class to take that appointment that was available?"  If she's not flunking classes and getting F's, then this is just not worth fighting over.  

But yes, either parent should be able to take the child to the doctor.

[gemini3]

Our decree specifies nothing, which is part of the problem.  I have made the appointment with the right specialist.

Her "work" is babysitting kids after school, number one.  Number two, it's the first I've heard of any "work" up until now.  I was never even made aware that she was working.

It's worth fighting over, to me, because it's becoming a regular occurance.  This is the third time school will be missed in less than a month for appointments that could have been made for after school, if she didn't feel that she was the only one who has the "right" to take our child to the doctor.

[jcsct5]

Did you make the appointment during your custody time? If not you can't take the child.

If she wants to take the child during her time then fine. Find out when the appointment is and go to it to make sure the right things are being done.

[gemini3]

We have joint legal custody.  The problem is that she's not taking the child at all.  I wouldn't have an issue if she would have taken the child to begin with.  

[jcsct5]

You said she made another appointment during school hours with a different doctor. You also said you made an appointment with the doctor after school.

You have a few options here. You could let her take the child during school to the doctor she picked and made the appointment with and go also to make sure the right things are being tested for. You could take the child to your appointment you scheduled, but only if it is during your regular parenting time. You can't take the child during her time without her permission regarless of whether you have joint legal. Your third option is to ask the court to order that you to take the child to the appointment. I think getting the court involved though is such a hassel and would only create further problems in the future.

[gemini3]

Please read my original post.  She made the appointment AFTER I had finally made one, and AFTER I been asking her to do so for over two months.  If she would have made one originally, I wouldn't have had to do it myself.  

We got to this point because she WASN'T making the appointment, so I finally did, and she freaked out.  

Thanks for your advice.  I have it worked out.  She finally agreed to come to the appointment I made.

[jcsct5]

I understood your post correctly and it suck to deal with a difficult ex spouse. I have had my fair share of doing so with my ex and my spouses ex. I was trying to focus on a solution and what your options were, not the fact that she was being a trouble maker (for lack of a more appropriate 5 letter word that starts with B).

I glad you got it worked out and I hope your child gets the help they need.
 Good Luck.

[lmkillion]

Contact the child's school. And ask for an IEP evaluation. (Individual Education Plan) The school can start the testing and BM doesn't have to agree if you have "joint legal custody". //www.bigsplace.com.  This site talks alot about add/adhd but, I found it helpful on all manner of issues that effect a childs learning and growth. It is a site that lists all the info you'll ever need to know in dealing with learning/developmental disabilities and also has all the info you need to point you in the right direction to get the child's school involved and what your CHILD'S legal rights are for help on these matters.
Another good site is http://www.wrightslaw.com/ where you can get reliable info on info for children that may need some special education help.

To qualify for an IEP, your child has to have a learning/developmental disability. Sometimes if a child is having severe problems, the school will label him "other health impaired" and get him one that way.

To qualify for a 504, your child would have to show a significant deficiency in at least one major life activity such as school work or social skills. It is up to the school to determine whether a child qualifies.

We got my SD on an IEP for emotional disturbance and at the time she was failing at alot of things in school for years. She is now 17 and has a GPA of 4.00 and will graduate 1/2 semester early with honors.

Best of luck.