expressing identity

[wysiwyg]

I have to share this, I find it rather amusing.  My SS is with us for spring break.  During this time while myself and his dad were at work, SS went to the store, (He is 16) and come home to color his hair black and his fingernails and toenails black as well.  Both his dad and I view this and an attempt to express himself and have not yelled at him or disciplined him in any way - we did speak to him to see what his motives were and to make sure nothing weird or underlying was going on.  He is happy and no different than any other time he is with us.  

Both his dad and I take the view that he has done nothing that can not be reversed and nothing that is permanent.  Hair will grow out and so will nails.  There are no piercings, tatoos, drugs or alcohol involved.  

He has said he is tired of his mother controlling his every move, this was also addressed by the GAL and the PHd's in our case.  I think that personally it is a phase and not to make a big deal over it and he deserves a bit of freedom when it comes to his hair and body.

I can hear his mother giving birth to that calf now when she comes to get him Sunday night..........................

[FLMom]

Good for your SS!

(*FLMom writes this as she looks down upon her own black-painted toenails*)

I think it's an expression of individuality and it's wonderful. I raised my daughters to not fall into the cookie cutter molds and be what I call "get-a-long girls". These are the packs of girls that you see at the mall with the exact same long, straight mane of hair and Abercrombie and Fitch blouses and t-shirts.

My oldest DD dyed her hair, either the bangs or a fringe around the bottom, multiple colors throughout her middle school and the first years of high school, til she changed her entire hair and look. My youngest DD has a nice streak of magenta in the front of her hair right now, with a short bob that no other girl at school has. This is her choice---to not look and act like everyone else, or conform to what society says she should look like.

I've never had to worry about either of my DD's following the crowd and getting into trouble. They lead the pack, the don't follow. No bad things have come out of it---matter of fact, my oldest DD has now dated the same guy for three years---I think that's astounding for a high schooler. They both are on the honor roll.

Ex had a coniption ever time oldest DD changed to a different color, but by the time the second DD started doing it, he gave up the fight.

I'm so proud of your son.

In my own bragging rights, I'm proud of my youngest DD too. In her middle school yearbook, the rising freshmen got to write a "Last Will and Testament". Most of the entries were leaving their superior athletic skills to a certain person, or their brains in English class to whomever, etc. My daughter's said, "I leave my own sense of style and my ability to stand out in a crowd to all of the sixth and seventh grader who may need it to make it through school".

Wys, I think we're doing this right.

[dipper]

I dont think its a big deal either.  My odd wanted streaks in her red hair when she was 12...we did it.  My ydd wanted streaks at age 8...we did it.  I am talking highlights.  My ss is living with us and he recently wanted to dye his brown hair black.  So, we did that too - he is 15.  then he wanted red highlights, so he has that as well.  

the funny thing is - talking about individuality...ss had wanted this at the beginning of the school year.  We asked that he waited until school started and then decide - once he saw whether he would feel comfortable or not.  Well, too many kids were walking around with dyed black hair, so he opted for a mohawk instead.  now, he did not have the nerve for the mohawk and kinda combed that down - had an old timey look really...LOL   He finally decided what the heck and did the black hair anyway.

As you say, its temp and its a good thing for children to have some control...