What do you guys think???

[Kitty C.]

Saw this article in the local e-news and thought it quite interesting:



//www.gazetteonline.com

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Article published: Aug 13, 2007
Helping kids cope with divorce

Cedar Rapids -

It's hard enough for adults to understand and cope divorce, let alone kids.

A $50,000 state grant will allow the Kids First Law Center in Cedar Rapids to begin a course for school-age kids whose parents are divorcing.

The one-year pilot project will focus on Linn County divorces, but the goal is to develop a program that can be used throughout the state.

While parents sit through the mandatory Children in the Middle Class, which teaches parents how not to put kids in the middle of their divorce, their kids may be in another room taking the course for kids.

Participating children will be able to share experiences with kids their age, develop coping skills and learn about court and what to expect, said Jenny Schulz, executive director of Kids First.

``As a child's attorney in divorce cases, I've had kids ask me if their parents' divorce will be on TV, and if it's true that they have to sit between parents in court and pick who they want to live with,'' Schulz said.

Divorcing parents can turn to self-help books and articles, support groups, therapists or friends, but kids don't have the same options, she said.

The $50,000 grant allowed Kids First to hire a second attorney, recent University of Iowa College of Law graduate Laura Ebinger, to develop the program for kids.

She started Aug. 6 and is researching programs in other states, ordering teacher workbooks and reviewing books for children about divorce. Ebinger, who studied education as an undergraduate, is also talking to school counselors to find out what's available locally.

In 2006, 496 divorces were filed in Linn County involving children.

Adding the course will allow Kids First to reach perhaps 1,000 kids each year, well beyond the 50 to 60 cases Schulz takes. Schulz gets appointed by judges to represent kids in high-conflict divorce and custody cases.

``We're barely just scratching the surface in terms of the number of kids we can help,'' Schulz said.

She and Ebinger would like to begin offering classes by December or January, and they hope the court will mandate attendance.

Sixth Judicial District Chief Judge David Remley said he and the district court judges will decide that after they learn exactly what the course is about.

"The fact that she got the grant speaks volumes about the quality of the (Kids First) program because grant money is not that easy to get,'' Remley said.

It was a competitive grant process, but Kids First is not only unique to Iowa, it's one of two similar non-profit programs in the country that deals solely with kids in divorce and custody cases, at least as far as Schulz knows about through the American Bar Association.

"We think it is a really good idea to provide information and support for children in the middle of a divorce, and it's a very good idea to have legal advocacy available for children when it's needed in the most contentious divorces,'' Attorney General Tom Miller said. ``Kids First Law Center is well-equipped to deliver these services.''

Schulz said Kids First must raise another $7,000 for the pilot project.

"I know that people will step up to help. This is an incredibly generous community,'' she said.

This spring, Kids First conducted a market analysis to determine how best to expand services. Attorneys and judges who participated overwhelmingly stated Kids First should add another family law attorney, perhaps as early as next year, Schulz said.

Remley was among those who answered those questions. He'd like to see the program expand to the extent where there is an unmet need. It's key to make sure children who need representation the most get it and that all attorneys follow the same procedure, he said.

There's interest throughout the 6th Judicial District - which includes Tama, Benton, Linn, Jones, Johnson and Iowa counties - for an expansion of Kids First, mainly from attorneys who have heard about Schulz, he said.

"It's going well because it gives the children an attorney and, in some of the high-conflict cases, they need someone to represent them. It isn't needed in every case when children are involved, but in some cases it is,'' Remley said.

About 30 area attorneys have been trained to take two Kids First cases within a year. That would potentially double the number of kids represented by an attorney.

Ebinger, who interned with Kids First last fall, will devote most of her time to getting the program running, then plans to take on child clients by early next year.

"She's just brilliant,'' Schulz said.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Jade]

I think it is a good idea.  And programs like this already exist.

I took my kids to The Rainbow House.  There are 2 parts to it, one is for bereavement (when a child loses a parent to death) and the other is for children whose parents are separated/divorced.  

[mistoffolees]

>I think it is a good idea.  And programs like this already
>exist.
>
>I took my kids to The Rainbow House.  There are 2 parts to it,
>one is for bereavement (when a child loses a parent to death)
>and the other is for children whose parents are
>separated/divorced.  

They have a Rainbows program at my daughter's school which meets every Friday at lunch. It is for any kid dealing with bereavement, divorce, or any other loss. So far, it seems to be a help - and my daughter wants to do it again this year.

[MixedBag]

I think "high conflict" will remain high conflict, and this will just escolate everything.

It wouldn't have mattered if programs like this were in place for what EX#3 went through -- his EX's goal was to make his life a living hell and she used her children to do it.

If this program was in place, EX#3 woul dhave been battling two attorney's (hers and the kids') instead of making things better.

Why do I say this?

Because her own attorney who represented her in NV wrote and said that EX should have lost custody of her kids a long time ago.  

An EX who doesn't focus on the children isn't gonna focus if another person said so no matter how many classes and judges, and attorney's, and counselors out there tell them they are wrong.

I know two people like that....no make that three.

Even in mediation class, we watched a video that had kids in it telling parents how much the divorce affected them and all the fighting affected them.  I was excited and wanted to get a copy for "my mediation business".  BUT -- the instructor then said "But if your parents who are divorcing won't focus on the children, even a video like this won't mean squat to them."

When a parent starts doing what Divorce Poison is talking about, sometimes there is no "undoing" of the damage.

I think this puts the kids even MORE in the middle.

The laws need to be changed.

If both parents walk into the courtroom KNOWING that 50/50 is a given and joint custody is a given, THEN things would change.

Court is adversarial by the way it is set up, and not cooperation friendly.

Yikes!  You asked for it.

[Giggles]

I think for older children it could possibly give them the tools to deal with such a toxic parent?  To show them that they can stand up for themselves?  Right now my SO's son (14 y/o) is "fretting" because he wants to live with his Dad but having to face his Mother is causing him worry.  That to me is just the saddest thing in the world....NO CHILD should have to "Fret" over wanting to live with the other parent IMO!!

[MixedBag]

EX#3's children were 13 and 12, I believe it was, have to do that math, or maybe 14 and 13 when they split.

There was no way that they would have been able to stand up for what they wanted even with an attorney on their side.  Just absolutely no way.

I know our son (who is now here) has spilled his guts to me about what really happens in EX#2's home.  He was interviewed by the judge and the judge told him "this is gonna be taped and played back to your parnts" -- we were not in the room, but saw the video tape.

He didn't even touch what the true reason was for his decision to try high school here.....didn't have the courage until I had the temp order and we were well south of where his dad is.

If a child lives in fear of their parent, then that fear is always there particularly if at the end of the day, they have to go with that parent after speaking out against them.

You're right -- NO CHILD should have to "fret" over wanting to live with the other parent!

BTW -- Camilla is still printing....

[dsm]

In our case, it honestly wouldn't have mattered if there was an attorney for my SD when she was 6 or 7....or even when she was 11/12 when we finally did get custody.   She would always recant what the allegations were in order to save herself from her mom's reaction and consequences.   It didn't even matter that CPS records showed physical proof; that there were countless reports from neighbors.

If one parent treats the child(ren) like a pawn, and truly believes that they are the better parent.....no amount of lawyers will help to change that.  The kids are the ones who get stuck in the middle.

And, like Mixed's son now with her, it is amazing how much stuff is put in their minds and what they deal with.  My SD's memories are now fading from what her life was like with her mom, but those first 2 years.....there were some things that came out that completely shocked us.

I agree, too, that the laws need to be changed so that it is automatic shared placement first, instead of primary/secondary.  Barring some serious issues of course.

==============================================================================

dsm - 36; DH - 40; SD - 17; LO - 11; BB - 4
------------------
3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
------------------
Live, Love, and Laugh
------------------