Alienating dad

[fldad]

What can I do about my wife alienating my 12-year-old son from me?
She has shut off her home phone so the only way I can call or get a hold of him is to call her cell. She then commences on dictating to him responses while she sit there off to the side and give him the thumbs up for being rude. She is bringing in all the things from the past that has happened between her and me and weaving it into his head and trying to drive a wedge between my son and me. On my visitation days she says he's got other plans, and doesn't make him available, Now he (with her laughing in background) has been disrespectful cursed and bad mouthed me on the phone, he, (my son) thru her cohearsing and approval (because he is 12, and Knows what he is doing is not right) now don't want to come and see me because he is afraid of my reaction. I have assured him that I don't blame him and that I just want to spend time with him, she has expressed in the past her worry that when he became of age to do so that my son would want to come and live with me (we like to do a lot of the same stuff) She was in an abusive family and her brother even killed himself a few years ago from depression she really has no family and is trying what ever she can do to hold on to the one she has (my son) by turning him against me What can I DO? I haven't seen him in a month and my court papers say 2days a week and every other weekend. I love my son very much and think this is detrimental to his well being Any help would be great! thanks

[wendl]

File contempt, request that time be made up, have it court ordered that son attends counseling and that mom must notify you have the counselors name and address and appointments, or have the order say that you are to take him to counseling.

I too have a 12yr who doesn't see his dad (dad's choice) I know how hard it is for boys at this age, as much as my son dislikes his dad, deap down I see how much he needs him and it hurts him that his dad isn't around (thankfully he has my dh)

You need to try and get the lines of communications open with your son again, PAS is hard and you need to be consistant in your efforts to regain what you once had.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[almostastepmom]

I agree with what wendl said..... file a contempt order.  NOW!  
We are in the same situation.  Mother makes things up about me(so's girlfried, but takes care of them more then dad because of work and I treat them like they are my own) and about why and how they got a divorce.  She even went and told them that they got a divorce because daddy had lunch and slept with another girl.  The kids were only 6 and 7 at the time.  The truth be told, which we "sugar coated" for the kids is that she had an affair with one of he's friends and verbaly abused him..  
I feel your pain, but you have to get control back.  Hopefully when you take this to court and start getting to see your son more, he will understand that what he's mother is doing is wrong and that you are a great father.
Good luck.

[perrylamb]

Dear Friend:

I had been more or less in a similar situation wherein my 7 year old daughter had been completely brainwashed and badly tutored against me by her mother.

I suggest that you do the following:

1.  Try to establish contact with your son by writing him letters every now and then and thereby establish the much needed "CONTACT".  You could send letters to his school address and that way his mother might not even know.  Also, send him beautiful messages, greeting cards, anecdotes on his birthday and other special days of his life.  This way your son is bound to realise that his mother is the wrong parent and not 'You'.

2.  While filing contempt bring in the element of her interference in your custodial rights and causing alienation of the child which is detrimental to the child's growth.

3.  Check up with your lawyer to file a motion for getting the child counselling for getting him know and understand 'right' from 'wrong'.  The counselling by a child counsellor or a good psychologist could enable you in the long run achieve your objective of getting your son back in your life.

4.  Be CONSISTENT in your efforts to have a normal relationship with your son, whatever be the cost.  This may frustrate your wife and she may give up on her alienation programming of your son.  Initially your son may keep on with his balking and tantrums in not meeting you, but slowly and steadily he would himself like to meet you.

This is what I have been doing and have achieved little success.  Now, with my persistence, when my wife is not around or is seeing on the other side my daughter (who fears her mother of not getting her annoyed by talking or seeing me) keeps looking at me from a distance from the side of her eyes and her eyes convey me that she likes me though in my case my daughter does not even talk to me.  My letters and cards have made other people notice that I am a caring father and that is what is important for your son to know, now or in future.

I wish you success.


Perry Lamba

[true]

Hey there,

Say, well I do agree with the above. Recently, I was made to repurchased plane tickets due to my oldest having mandatory marching band camp as they are going to Florida in January to March in the Christmas Parade there. I am not allowed to interfer with "parenting time" mandatory band camp was not a good reason to reduce the flight by two weeks. I dont pay for the camp its put on by my daughters school, its mandatory and even understandable in my mind. It's also understandable that the ncp needs his time too. I messed up, I eat the costs, and now I am scrambling to get the Band Teacher to agree with the courts. I hope that my daughter will not be told that she can be in band but can not participate in the Florida trip or the homecoming events. She has been in Band since the 6th grade.
Bottom line you need to call the court and speak with the person in charge of handling parenting time, ask what he or she recommends in how you handle it.  You need to also document it up with a followup letter. " I am writing in regards to our most recent phone converstation and just want to clarify the converstation......yada yada". The longer you leave it "hanging out there" the longer a court perceives you as being "NON Interested". Followup, followup and she will be held in contempt of court, thats just my best guess though, I am not trained in the legal aspects just parent

Good luck

PS: I dont think you are the "Alienating Dad" as is in the message topper but more the "Alienated DaD" its women like that who screw with us-- the other real Mom's out there.................yuck

[joni]

:-)