HELP WITH JOINT CUSTODY IN OREGON!

[pezfu]

here's the deal:  my son's mother has repeatedly threatened to move out of state with our son or to place a restraining order on me to keep me from seeing him, for no valid reason.  he's 3 1/2 and so far we've maintained joint custody by verbal agreement, nothing legal.  i've looked into joint custody before and i'd have to pay nearly $1,000 to legally obtain custody of MY son.  there is no way i can come up with that amount of money before she may do something to affect my relationship with my son.  is there any way i can do this?  PLEASE help me!  i'll lose my mind if i lose my son.  thanks for your time.

[Kitty C.]

Unfortunately, if you have no court order, she can pretty much do whatever she wants.  I get the impression that you weren't married and if that is the case, you will need to petition the court for paternity and an emergency hearing on the move-away.  Beg, borrow, or do whatever you have to do to get the money, but if you don't get a hearing before she leaves, you're screwed.

There's a federal act called UCCJA, the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Act.  One of the provisions in it is that jurisdiction is established based on where the child has lived for the past 6 months.  Even if she does move, like say tom., you can still file, and she would be forced to come back and answer the petition, IF you get it done within the first 6 months.  That is, if you can find her.  Most POS's like her disappear off the radar screen and even if you tried to file the petition, until she's served, the petition can't go forward.  She could hide for the required 6 months, then file wherever she's at and force you to appear in HER jurisdiction.  Or just get a judgement default on CS based on some exorbitant imaginary wage she tells the judge you make and then that state will start hounding you for money you don't have.

That means you have to get on the ball NOW, or you can kiss having any relationship with your child goodbye.

If you do file for an emerg. hearing, bring as MUCH proof of your involvement thus far with you, as the BM will probably try to lie to the court about your involvement.  If you don't have PROOF (something the judge can actually put his hands on, receipts for things purchased, pics and videos, etc.), it's only he said/she said and you can bet your bottom dollar that the judge is gonna believe her word against you.  That's just the way this screwed up system works........

[darkspectre]

Kitty gives you some good advice. I can't tell from your post whether you were married or not either, but I can tell you for sure that if you feel your relationship with the mom is eroding, then you had better initiate a petition for custody.

There's no doubt that the court system sucks sh*t, but given the fact that you two have had an on-going verbal arrangement of 50/50 that I presume you can document, you do have a bit of an advantage over some other dads who are just fighting from the word go.

Beg, borrow or steal (not really) the money for good representation and get an official custody order put in place. If you don't, one day you're going to wake up and find that she's long gone and so is your son.

Forget what your logic and common sense are telling you because neither of those fundamental traits found in most human beings are present in a family court room. Most of those judges represent the lowest form of humanity and they will absolutely let her get away with anything she wants unless you force their hand.

Force their hand!

[Peanutsdad]

If you have no legal custody/visitation papers from a court,, you currently have NO rights and mom CAN do pretty much as she pleases.

Shes playing the intimidation game,, and man,, lemme tell you, it WILL cost you more in the long run IF you dont establish legal standing NOW.


Hers a little "light" reading to get you started.



Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm


http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-vassiliou.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner06.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-navarre.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner01.htm

THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART I)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand01.htm - size 40kb - 20 Oct 2003
12. Mediation And Parental Alienation Syndrome by Anita Vestal
This article looks at parental alienation syndrome (PAS), which is a complex manifestation of mental and emotional abuse resulting from conflicted parents fighting for custody.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-vestal.htm - size 52kb - 20 Oct 2003
13. Recommendations for Dealing with Parents Who Induce a Parental Alienation Syndrome in Their Children
PAS is commonly seen in highly contested child-custody disputes. The author has described three types: mild, moderate, and severe, each of which requires special approaches by both legal and mental health professionals.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner02.htm - size 54kb - 20 Oct 2003
14. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II)
Studies of target parents who are falsely accused of abuse report they tend to be less disturbed than their accusing counterparts.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand12.htm - size 53kb - 20 Oct 2003
15. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand11.htm - size 44kb - 20 Oct 2003
16. Parental Alienation Information Archive
All the information on the SPARC site regarding Parental Alienation has been consolidated on this central reference page.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pasarchive.htm - size 17kb - 20 Oct 2003
17. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II) (cont.)
In the following case, the accused father was an officer in the military. Testimony on PAS by the defense expert provided the judge and jury with some alternative explanations as to the reasons the children accused their stepfather of abuse.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand13.htm - size 31kb - 20 Oct 2003
18. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART I)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand02.htm - size 44kb - 20 Oct 2003
19. Expanding the Parameters of PAS
The newness of the parental alienation syndrome (PAS) compels its redefinition and refinement as new cases are observed and the phenomenon becomes better understood.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-cartwright.htm - size 32kb - 20 Oct 2003
20. PAS: How to Detect It and What to Do About It
Although parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a familiar term, there is still a great deal of confusion and unclarity about its nature, dimensions, and, therefore, its detection.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-walsh2.htm - size 24kb - 20 Oct 2003




One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.

 

[tjraid18]

  Where in Oregon? I'm in Corvallis and am willing to offer any advice I can. I know of a few good lawyers in this area for family law. How is your family support system compared to hers? Are you able to realistically go for custody or even joint custody? There are some attorneys who will take a small retainer and monthly payments. theres also a program called modest means that helps with attorney costs if you qualify -- but the budget cuts have hurt that program. I'ts always worth a try though. The Oregon State Bar should have the number & adress for the Modest Means program. Look in the phone book. Also, you could just have a consulatation visit with an attorney and get some advice and direction. Maybe they could help you to file the papers yourself, for less than a small fortune. Look for a family oriented -- child/father advocate attorney. I did most of my divorce myself. But I did get a lawyer to help. My e-mail is [email protected]  

[4honor]

DADS. They have a chapter in Portland and for a modest fee they can help you file an ex parte (emergency) petition requesting status quo and an order restraining her from moving until a final order can be in place.