Ha, and thanks

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

Well, as I said... I guess his lawyer informed him that I was indeed right on my assertion that I got to keep the kids until Sunday night:-)

He called just before noon wanting to know if I was bringing the kids back at noon. When I informed him "NO" he asked if he could pick them up instead. Ha

I told him that instead of hanging up on me the other day, he should have discussed this matter with me instead of trying to bully me into forfeiting my visitation time. NOW he advises me that he has plans for this afternoon, and wants to trade some time. A tad bit late, but I was willing to discuss a trade until his wifey piped up in the back ground, lol.

Thanks for all the help  :-)

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

After more discussions, I agreed to let the children go, with the hours that they were gone to be made up.

When he arrived, he refused to sign the following paper:
"I agree to allow the time used from today during Mom's visitation time to be made up at a convenient time, with an even exchange for hours. I also agree to return the children this evening. The time the children are being picked up is ______ and will be returned approximately_____."

He called the police as I refused to let them go. (Yup, making me into the bad guy again!) I showed the officer the paper I had made, and he agreed I was being very reasonable. But my X refused to give me my time back, even in front of the officer. Not having the heart to not let the kids go, I let them go.

So my question is:
1.) Without having a lawyer at this point, how do I approach the courts to get the order changed/ amended to reflect allowing me compensatory time?

[socrateaser]

I don't understand the question. Do you want make up time for the incident that just took place? I'm not sure if you're entitled to it.

Frankly, I don't remember what your order says or even if you've posted it previously (yes, it's mad cow), but unless there is text allowing the parents to modify the court orders on the fly by agreement, then both of you are technically in contempt for not following the orders.

If you're after getting a general modification to permit make up time in the future, when these situations arise, then you need to file a motion to modify custody and you must show that a substantial change of circumstances affecting the child's best interests has occurred, using the latest incident as evidence that the children are routinely being used as foils to emotionally injure you.

Getting a hearing would depend on the judge and how well you presented your case.

You shouldn't have given in and let the kids go. You're just rewarding your ex for his manipulation, which will just encourage him to believe that he can do it again in the future.

When there is a very adversarial relationship, the best move is to follow the orders to the letter, while offering to change the orders to permit flexibility, but only with severe enforcement provisions in the event of failure to act in good faith.

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

The time I want compensated for is approximately 5 hours that he has them this evening. (This is MY time.) There is a family party at his parents, so I agreed to let them go on the condition that I receive 5 hours in return sometime during the week. But when he got here, he refused, in front of the officer, to allow me make up time.

The officer stated that he could only veryify what time the kids left. So at least I have witness to the fact that I allowed them to go on MY time,(yes, the officer TOLD him it was MY time) and he knows I didn't want to let them go because as I told him, I would never get my time back, and I resented being made out to be the bad guy, which is what I would have been had I not let them go.

Lesson learned.

[nerd]

Sorry, but I had to respond to this poor lady.  

As parents, sometime we have to make tough choices and in doing so, we also teach our children to become adapt at making tough choices. Sometimes we need to be more responsible in the schedule and maintain an atmosphere of understanding with  children by gently reminding them that from (EXample) Friday at 6:00PM until Sunday at 6:00 Pm every other weekend is their visitation with their mother and unless it is an emergency, that it is unalterable. You may need to help them understand that sometimes tough choices must be made and that it is impossible to do everything we feel we want to do, all of the time.  You may want to simply help them understand that these are things that no one is to be blamed for, that it is something that must be decided and dealt with at the moment, and that if they choose their events wisely and based upon the circumstances, then a lot of frustration, anger, and disappointment will be avoided. In this way, you are helping to ensure the children's emotional health as well as helping them gain very important decision-making and coping skills.  

This was also our holiday with the children and the other set of relations also had things going on during the holidays.  We did not, nor would we have given up our time in order for the children to visit events with the CP's family.  CP's family was told up front when the children would be returning from their visit, and they planned accordingly for both the birthday and Christmas.  They won't learn how to do this if they know you'll keep giving up your time to them.  The CP knew that it was your time, the CP should have helped his side of the family decide to have their event another day instead of intruding on your time.  Even under traditional circumstances most children do not get to go to every event planned by every family member! don't feel guilty for saying no!  tell yourself, this is my time, they knew it, they should have planned better, and then enjoy your precious time with your children.  

[Kitty C.]

Your ex MADE those plans, knowing FULL well he could bribe you into giving up the kids.  He could just as easily made different plans with his family.  Which is exactly what we do.  On the years that SS is only with us on Christmas Eve and 2 days prior, we have our 'Christmas' the day before, since he has to go home that evening.  That way he's never cheated out of being a part of the family festivities.  

Your ex is just being manipulative because he knows he can get away with it with you.  My advice is to NEVER give in to anything remotely like it again, regardless of the situation.  And if he gives you that tired song-and-dance about having plans, just tell him he made them WRONG, something neither you or the children should be punished for.  Next time maybe he'll know better.......but I doubt it.  So if he tries to get you on contempt, he'll just be pissing up a rope.  

One more suggestion:  download the Parenting Time Tracker on this site and USE it extensively, so when he does try to BS you again and tries to take you to court with it, you have something to back yourself up.  

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

I thank you all for your input. And I totally understand what you are saying. The major reasoning I had for allowing the kids to go was the fact that my former in-laws and I got along rather well. They even helped me out some. When they wanted to see the  kids, they called ME, not my X.

Now here's the kicker!!!

After all the fuss and hulabaloo and refusing to allow me compensatory time for the time he did take them Saturday...my daughter called me last night after I returned them. She asked me what day I had off this week. She knew that I was suppose to have them New Year's Day, but unfortunately, have to work part of that day.

I told her I have Friday off, so she informed me that if it was okay with me, her Dad would allow her and her brother to come spend the night with me Thursday night and spend all of Friday with me.

For me that is a huge benefit!!! So, What do I do???

[Kitty C.]

...and RUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!  Is this something HE is offering you?  Or is he telling you this is part of your 'make-up' time?  If NOTHING is said, it's a FREEBIE.  Take it, don't say a word, enjoy your time with your kids and DO NOT allow him to weasel anything out of you because of it.  If he's giving it out of the goodness of his heart (yeah, right!), do NOT look a gift horse in the mouth!

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

I was hoping someone would tell me to take it....

I have to wonder what's up tho.......no, I have NO trust in him!!