Change in Custody

[Tracester]

My ex husband has primary custody of our 6 year old little girl. We have joint legal custody since 1999.  At the time of our divorce, I was a stay at home mom. I had to get a job which happened to be working 2nd shift until approx. midnight every night.  To make a long story short, we never went to court. I didn't have the money to fight him in a custody battle. We both agreed that I would not pay any child support. I had 1,3 and 5th standard weekend visitation plus alternating holidays and 1/2 the summer.

In January of 2001, he had me served with papers requesting child support. He ended up dragging this out until the end of 2002.  I finally got him to agree to go to mediation. He had been putting me off and was on his 2nd attorney by this time. All I wanted was more time with my daughter and he wanted money so I agreed to pay him child support in exchange for more time with my daughter. I now worked part time and was able to pick my daughter up from school. We agreed that I would have her on Wed through Sunday every other week and Every Wednesday in the off week.  Again, we never made it to court. We settled outside of court.

My question is this, what are my chances of gaining "primary" custody of my daughter? I am not a stay at home mom again with a 6 month old and this also allows me the time to visit and volunteer at my daughters school as well as pick her up and take her on my scheduled days.  His current wife is also a stay at home mom going on 3 years now. I am still paying child support even though I don't work anymore.  What are my chances at having my child support payments ceased and either gaining 50/50 custody or getting primary custody?  I know I can't go into all of the details right now, but he is never at home to raise my child. He is the bread maker as is my husband.   Would me being a stay at home mom again be considered a substantial change in circumstances??

Any help would be appreciated. Thank you!

[Peanutsdad]

Typically, the change in circumstances used to change custody deals with a change in the cp's home. If theres been no significant change there, most judges are reluctant to overturn custody.

I think you may have a strong case to gain 50/50,, altho,, I suggest you read the posting guidelines in order to get Soc to answer.. :)

[Tracester]

Ok thank you for the response. I'm new to this site so can you tell me where the guidelines are?

[janM]

They are at the top left hand corner, under the "Optimal" blurb.
At least they are on mine...look somewhere near the headers.

[LizaLou1]

I'm confused, why would you not pay child support regardless of whether or not you work?  If the child is yours then you should be responsible to pay child support just like any NCP father.

The fact that you never went to court the first time appears to your advantage because generally the courts don't allow NCP's the option of NOT paying child support.  Were you perhaps providing some other type of support that could be equated to child support?

While it is wonderful you now have more time to spend with your daughter, being a stay at home parent (mom or dad) does not necessarily make that parent a better parent than one who works outside the home.   Neither stepparent is not legally financially responsible for your child.  So, I don't understand your expectation that your 2nd husband pay your child support commitments nor your comments about the stepmom being a stay at home Mom.

I understand about 50/50 physical custody and child support being a wash if incomes are the same, but your post implies something else.  Especially in light of the fact you refer to the child as "my child" rather than our child, you stated no problems with his having custody until he asked for child support and your desire to get out of child support because you choose not to work.

Neither Motherhood nor your personal desire to be unemployed/under employed gives you a pass on the financial responsibilities to your child.  

This is not a flame but merely a point of view.

LizaLou

[Tracester]

It sounds like a flame but then again you don't know all of the details so I will provide. I refer to her as my child because she is "my" child. I never said he wasn't a good father nor that she has a bad stepmom.  I was simply asking a question in regards to my child.  The reason i'm going to ask that child support be ceased or lowered is due to the fact that I have a lot of visitation time with her which I would say is at least 60/40 if not more than that.  I believe what I am going to do is file for 50/50 unless the father moves out of state which isn't written in stone, but may be in the works.
In your comment about me not having a problem with him having custody until he asked for child support is totally bogus.  I didn't write down every emotion or incident that occured over the last 5 years. I was merely trying to get the fine details out there.  I NEVER wanted him to have custody but didn't have the funds to fight him in court so we agreed and I trusted him that he would allow me to see my daughter whenever possible which changed as soon as he got married. We have worked on a lot of the problems we were having and I believe in our situation that 50/50 will work. There should be no reason we cant' do this since we basically do it now. I just want it in writing.
I was told to go for full custody and settle for 50/50 but I really don't think that will be possible. I am trying to work this out with him but he refuses to budge an inch because he doesn't want to lose the CS I am paying him now.  I disagree with the system on CS.  The reason this was put into place was because way back when, fathers made more money than the mothers and in divorce cases, almost every single time, mothers gained custody. I feel that the judge should take into consideration the amount on income for each family and make a ruling on that.  THere are some women out there that make a lot more money than the fathers and I think that they abuse the system.
Since you don't know all the details of my case, I can understand your opinion but he also has several contempt charges against him. I am trying to do my best to avoid court but if he can't reason with 50/50, then I will do what I have to do for my family and "OUR" daughter.

And yes I do provide support for my daughter even with the CS that I volunteered to pay. I was NEVER ordered to pay. I did this because its the only thing he wanted from me.  My husband and I support her 100% when she is with us by buying clothing, food, shelter, medical bills, dental bills, school fees etc. I have her 6 days out of 14 which I would say is almost half so yes I believe that my CS should be reduced not to mention all the driving/gas money that I do taking her back and forth from school and such.

Thank you for your opinions. I think I made a mistake by asking the board and I will return to consulting with my attorney.  They know my case and I have to trust their judgment.   No harsh feelings, and I appreciate your response. Thanks for taking the time to respond and read my post.

[tryn2begooddad]

OK since it is Monday after the Super Bowl and I worked tending bar last night this may be a bit all over the place...if you were never ordered to pay CS then jus tstop paying (since from what I have read there is no court order) seems like you are paying money for the ability to see your child (in the crime world isnt that extortion??)...So you and your current husband pick up 100% of the tab when she is with you and that is different from all the rest of us NCP's how??? And Liza is right the stepparents have no input into the decision because it is not their child...I am sorry if you feel you weren't happy hugged to death here but here on this board you will get honesty (as brutal as it might be) so if you don't want to hear it then yes one can walk away but in doing so does that really help you or the little one?? Just my two cents

[socrateaser]

What are the EXACT words of your existing custody orders and support orders, if any. I can't possibly tell you where you stand without this information.