Taking daughter out of state of VA

[smmaxx]

Dear Soc,
           
         I am a SAHM with my 3 yr old daughter I have worked part time on and off. I want to file for separation and custody and move to another state.   I don't have an income or any support system or family in VA.

          I moved here to be with him b/c he was previously in the Military and I was pregnant so we married. I can't file for separation/custody unless we move into a separate domiciles which I can't do unless I go back to FL where my family is. He wants ME to leave but says I cant take her.
           
            I don't think he can care for her, he works a lot, has an hour commute and also has a big drinking problem. He has DUI from some years ago and I have had the police come out twice for him assaulting me. I am afraid to go in fromt of a judge because I am on a lot of medications for depression and voluntarily hospitalized myself in 2002 to balance my meds. He is going to try to use that against me.
           
            I've met with 2 lawyers, they suggest we present him with an agreement but he will NEVER sign anything giving me primary physical custody.  He already said he doesn't want to pay child support. He makes 50,000 and I made 8,000 last year.

Questions:

1.  Will a judge give custody to a mother who is not working?

2.  Are parents ever allowed to move out tof the state with a child due to lack of support ect.

3.  Will I be considered unfit due to my depression problems?

4. Can I get joint custody and live in another state?

5.  Is it better to try mediation first or just go before a judge right away.

Thank You SMaxwell

[Peanutsdad]

way much better ;)


Good luck btw.

[socrateaser]

>1.  Will a judge give custody to a mother who is not working?

Yes.


>2.  Are parents ever allowed to move out tof the state with a
>child due to lack of support ect.

Yes.

>
>3.  Will I be considered unfit due to my depression problems?

Maybe. Depends on the facts presented to the court, if a custody hearing is ordered.

>4. Can I get joint custody and live in another state?

Yes. But, the question is how much will each parent be awarded, and that's up to the court's discretion.

>5.  Is it better to try mediation first or just go before a
>judge right away.

Most judges order mediation first whether or not the parents request mediation.

General comments:

If you are married, and there is no existing court order requiring that the child remain within the State, then you are free to move with that child without notice to the other parent, whenever you wish. However, the other parent can ask for a VA court order to return the child, in which case, you would have to follow the court order. But see below...

If you are prepared to allege in court under oath that you are afraid of being physically threatened or injured (or that you believe that the child may be threatened or injured) by the other parent, then you can move to FL now, and immediately petition a FL court for temporary emergency custody on those grounds, and then it will be up to the father to rebut your allegations in order to obtain a dismisal of the FL order and a return of the child to VA. And, more than likely, the FL will NOT dismiss its order.

Also, if your FL order remains in force for six months, then FL will obtain permanent jurisdiction for custody purposes. This assumes that the father does not invoke his rights undr the Soldiers and Sailors Relief act, which may apply if he is being deployed for active service.

So, the short answer is probably that you can just fly away without telling a sole, hire a FL attorney get a temporary order on grounds of past and threatened future abuse, and wait for the father to try and stop you.

Having said all of this, it would be much nicer (in my opinion) for all involved if you could find a peaceful solution that didn't require all of thse legal gymnastics. But, now you have the knowledge to choose from all the available options.