Getting custody when he already lives with us?

[Questioner]

My SS has been living with us for the last 6 1/2 month.  Mother gave him to her sister because she was suffering from postpartum depression. We took him from there.  Still paying CS.

BM and her husband have no jobs, have no car, are about to be evicted from house.  Abusive home, SS sees fights.  Their daugter does not live with them as well, she is with BM grandmother.

CS got brought up and I asked how long we were to pay, she got defesive and said that she would file for back CS and get SS.  I smoothed things over, she likes me, go figure.

We get along all of the time.  I don't like her, but I don't ever want SS to be in the middle of anything.  I say this just so you understand I do not like the option of court and things getting ugly although I see no other way.

DH is in arrears technically since he has always paid her directly.  She knows this.  We need to get it stopped, or atleast quit accumulating.  I don't care about the arrears.  I want SS to leagally be with us so that she can not come get him.

If need be, her own family will testify against her.  Especially Gma who has her daughter who has said she will not let her go back.  We also have very well documented papers of fights, CPS visit, BM saying she is coming and doesn't show, NEVER calls SS, SS not taking baths or brushing teeth entire time he is with her, ect..

1.  Do we have to file temp orders and have her served in order to get custody?
2.  Since we have had him for 6 months, does that "give" us anything?
2.  What is stopping her from coming and getting him?  
3.  Would we have to give him to her?
4.  About the arrears, can we pay her off?  (I know she would take a small lump sum)

[socrateaser]

>My SS has been living with us for the last 6 1/2 month.
>Mother gave him to her sister because she was suffering from
>postpartum depression. We took him from there.  Still paying
>CS.
>
>BM and her husband have no jobs, have no car, are about to be
>evicted from house.  Abusive home, SS sees fights.  Their
>daugter does not live with them as well, she is with BM
>grandmother.
>
>CS got brought up and I asked how long we were to pay, she got
>defesive and said that she would file for back CS and get SS.
>I smoothed things over, she likes me, go figure.
>
>We get along all of the time.  I don't like her, but I don't
>ever want SS to be in the middle of anything.  I say this just
>so you understand I do not like the option of court and things
>getting ugly although I see no other way.
>
>DH is in arrears technically since he has always paid her
>directly.  She knows this.  We need to get it stopped, or
>atleast quit accumulating.  I don't care about the arrears.  I
>want SS to leagally be with us so that she can not come get
>him.
>
>If need be, her own family will testify against her.
>Especially Gma who has her daughter who has said she will not
>let her go back.  We also have very well documented papers of
>fights, CPS visit, BM saying she is coming and doesn't show,
>NEVER calls SS, SS not taking baths or brushing teeth entire
>time he is with her, ect..
>
>1.  Do we have to file temp orders and have her served in
>order to get custody?

You should file a motion for a new custody hearing and for temporary custody pending the court's decision on the issue, on grounds that you have been exercising de facto custody for the past six months.


>2.  Since we have had him for 6 months, does that "give" us
>anything?

See above.

>3.  What is stopping her from coming and getting him?  

Nothing.

>4.  Would we have to give him to her?

Yep. unless you get a court order to stop her.

>5.  About the arrears, can we pay her off?  (I know she would
>take a small lump sum)

The court will not tax you with arrears for the time that you prove you were exercising custody, because the mother will be found to have violated the custody orders by not acting as the primary caretaker.

Get an attorney and get the show on the road.

[socrateaser]

>My SS has been living with us for the last 6 1/2 month.
>Mother gave him to her sister because she was suffering from
>postpartum depression. We took him from there.  Still paying
>CS.
>
>BM and her husband have no jobs, have no car, are about to be
>evicted from house.  Abusive home, SS sees fights.  Their
>daugter does not live with them as well, she is with BM
>grandmother.
>
>CS got brought up and I asked how long we were to pay, she got
>defesive and said that she would file for back CS and get SS.
>I smoothed things over, she likes me, go figure.
>
>We get along all of the time.  I don't like her, but I don't
>ever want SS to be in the middle of anything.  I say this just
>so you understand I do not like the option of court and things
>getting ugly although I see no other way.
>
>DH is in arrears technically since he has always paid her
>directly.  She knows this.  We need to get it stopped, or
>atleast quit accumulating.  I don't care about the arrears.  I
>want SS to leagally be with us so that she can not come get
>him.
>
>If need be, her own family will testify against her.
>Especially Gma who has her daughter who has said she will not
>let her go back.  We also have very well documented papers of
>fights, CPS visit, BM saying she is coming and doesn't show,
>NEVER calls SS, SS not taking baths or brushing teeth entire
>time he is with her, ect..
>
>1.  Do we have to file temp orders and have her served in
>order to get custody?

You should file a motion for a new custody hearing and for temporary custody pending the court's decision on the issue, on grounds that you have been exercising de facto custody for the past six months.


>2.  Since we have had him for 6 months, does that "give" us
>anything?

See above.

>3.  What is stopping her from coming and getting him?  

Nothing.

>4.  Would we have to give him to her?

Yep. unless you get a court order to stop her.

>5.  About the arrears, can we pay her off?  (I know she would
>take a small lump sum)

The court will not tax you with arrears for the time that you prove you were exercising custody, because the mother will be found to have violated the custody orders by not acting as the primary caretaker.

Get an attorney and get the show on the road.