Wow...that mess of posts below made me rethink....

[sweetnsad]

>P.S. sweetnsad I wish you were my X :-) .  Children need a
>father; it is too bad he is acting so foolishly.  I have spent
>huge sums of money and time to get more time with my son.

Boliver...thank you...how sweet!  I do believe children need both their parents....my fiance is so blown away by how much I try to encourage my daughter's relationship with her father.  His ex doesn't try at all with his three children.  If he dropped off the face of the earth and still managed to pay her cs, she would be very happy.  Sad, huh?

I just feel so bad for our daughter...she seems torn and I did call a child psychologist yesterday to make an appointment...just to see if she will open up.  But, yes, he is acting foolishly and it angers me....the only person he is hurting is her by "coming and going" whenever it's convenient for him.  What about how it makes her feel??  :(

Thanks to everyone for the advice.  

[lacunar]

I would guess the reason she wants the vistis to be near her familar activities is so she can share her life with HIM.  She wants him in her life, that is obvious.  But what it seems like to me is that his world doesn't interst her because HER world doesn't interest him.

If you somehow gracefully explain to him that this her way of reaching out for him, and that he can show her how much it means to him that she cares that much for him by letting her take the lead, then he may understand.

Finally, I suggest that you and he schedule a visit routine that introduces some predictable expectation in your daughter's routine.

[rini]

dear sweetnsad

i have been dealing with a similar situation for years and i have opted to take the less traveled road and allow visitation with next to no notice.

dad has a job that changes his schedule every week he hardly ever has weekends off and if i would have made him stick to standard visitation he would have probably not had visitation except perhaps once a year on his summer week ..  and that would have been if i would have accepted last minute notification,.

my kids have not had a workable schedule for over 8 years but what they have had is irreplaceable and that is a relationship with their dad because i sacrificed having a schedule written in stone and allowed it for the good of the kids.  whether it will pay off or not in value with the kids educations and what not remains to be seen but for now i have 3 half decent teen agers .....  and when compared to other peoples teenagers sometimes they seem pretty good ...... other timeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssss   wellllllllllll...........................


if my plans for the kids were not overwhelmingly important (like a family wedding or birthday)  i always let the kids choose when notice was given late and plans had been made..  I always tried to work out so dad could have part of a holiday if he had to work that day even if it was just a few hours to take the kids to his parents..  

i can check in with my maker and know that i have done everything i possibly can to make sure dad was involved even when his job precluded involvement  ( i have even gone so far as to offer suspension of child support so he can find another type of work)  

All we can do is try the rest is up to them..........

rini