Different States...

[jewlz]

My fiance (funny how so many fiance's are on here) had a child with his ex four years ago. She is now four and a half. At least she said it was his - she had cheated on him twice. At the time they were living in Phoenix. When she found out she was pregnant they were broken up (because of the cheating) so she moved back to New York (where they were both born & raised, back to her family there). He quit his school, work, and left his friends in Phoenix to move back to New York to be with her and the baby when it was born. One day, about four months before the baby was born, she went to visit her family that had recently moved back to Utah. She never returned and had the baby in Salt Lake City. My fiance stayed in New York and could not afford to fly out for the birth. His ex's mother told her not to put him on the birth certificate.

Ever since then he has flown out there every time he could afford it (once or twice a year) and called three or four times a week. We send her packages with clothes and toys every three or four weeks. His ex lives with her parents who pay for everything, but moves in and out with no notice to him. She recently moved back in with her parents and her boyfriend of two years because they had had another child together who may have cystic fibrosis and she likes the free child care.

She has said several times that she would bring their daughter to New York to visit, but "changed her mind" or "work wouldn't let her off", one time ten hours before her flight was supposed to arrive.

I met my fiance in New York and we decided to move to Phoenix to be closer to his daughter. It is still a ten hour drive, but we have no desire at all to live in Salt Lake. Memorial Day weekend we were supposed to go up and visit his daughter for the weekend. His ex was fine with it, saying to come and visit whenever we wanted. Then two days prior to leaving she calls with some lame excuse about how her son is not feeling well. My fiance asked what that had to do with us visiting his daughter, and that she was just trying to put off his seeing her and that us taking care of their daughter could only help her. She said she "feared for Heilee's safety". He said that this would just end up in court and that it would only hurt Heilee. She said that it wouldn't, that it would be good for her. She called him a deadbeat dad (we've sent her money even though she says that she doesn't want any) and a wasted piece of sh**, this was all in front of their daughter. Then hung up the phone.

Since then she does not answer her phone or respond to voicemails. We decided to file an order for child support and a petition to establish paternity with the Office of Recovery Services in Salt Lake. Everything in Utah seems to be geared towards the mother suing the father, so we are just doing what they tell the mother to do, only not really, I guess. We figure it will look good if he is the first to start paying without a fight and to try and establish paternity. This is mostly confusing because until two weeks ago his ex was very accomodating and called often. We have no idea what changed.

1.    My question is how to go about suing for visitation from another state.  

2.    Is it possible to get the mother to pay for half of the transportation? Or at least meeting us half way?

3.    What are the chances of getting legal/physical custody? What can we do to improve our chances?

4. Will the Office of Recovery Services in Utah try to establish that he is the father legally before ordering child support? Or do they just do that for mothers?

5.    Since my fiance is not on the birth certificate, could she have her current boyfriend adopt their daughter without notifying him? She calls him "daddy".

Thanx for any help.

[socrateaser]

>1.    My question is how to go about suing for visitation from
>another state.  

You (or your attorney) file a petition to establish paternity, support and custody/visitation with a Utah court. . Technically, you don't have to request establishment of support, but one parent always does.

>
>2.    Is it possible to get the mother to pay for half of the
>transportation? Or at least meeting us half way?

Probably not. By not asserting your legal parental rights at the time of the child's birth, you permitted the mother and child to relocate freely, so she can reasonably argue that it's unfair to force her to pay one half of the transportation costs now. The decision will depend on the judge.

>
>3.    What are the chances of getting legal/physical custody?

Oh, around 0%, unless you can show that the custodial parent regularly acts against the child's interests, for example, by abusing the child, or engaging in physically dangerous criminal activities with the child in close proximity.

>What can we do to improve our chances?

Move to the same county (better yet, the same zip code) as where the child resides.

>
>4. Will the Office of Recovery Services in Utah try to
>establish that he is the father legally before ordering child
>support? Or do they just do that for mothers?

Yes, you must be established as the legal father, before child support can be permanently ordered against you.

Be advised, that ORS will NOT help you with a custody visitation issue. You will need to file a petition to establish custody in a Utah court. ORS's only interest is establishing a support order AGAINST you, because the State of Utah receives federal matching funds for every dollar of child support it collects on behalf of a supported child.

>
>5.    Since my fiance is not on the birth certificate, could
>she have her current boyfriend adopt their daughter without
>notifying him? She calls him "daddy".

Yes, if that occurs prior to the time that you file for custody/visitation. Otherwise, she would need to wait for the Utah court to rule on your petition.

Frankly, you are sort of sticking your tongue in a light socket right now. Unless you can prove with objective evidence (airline receipts, phone bills, etc., support checks, shipping receipts), that you have maintained a parent-child relationship during the entire duration of the child's life, then you will very likely end up with a very substantial ongoing duty for child support, and very little (if any) court-ordered visitation.

But, you should definitely find out if you are the biological parent, even if you were to merely ask the mother to have the child give blood for a purely private test. If you're not the parent, then you're wasting loads of resources.