Parents who have always gotten along, and mediation

[CheatedMother]

  I have a 5yr old daughter, and we all( she , I and her dad) live in VA. No custody nor support order as we've always chosen to get along.

Recently the school(when enrolling her) suggested that we have custody legalized, and dad  seems to have run with it.

 We went to mediataion, and they  couldnt help us, but dad admitted to wanting a "trump card", just  a BIT more power but would not agree to specific  time agreements/arrangements as he wants ME to be flexible. He claims he should have this (or "more custody") because

* he has a college degree and makes more money.

*That I am divorced, and he is single and would NEVER get divorced if he got married. T

*That he has held the same job for 12 years, and lived in the same place as long, whereas I just bought a new home.

*that he has her MORE time because she sometimes stays with his parents( one night-ish a week) and that that is an EXTENSION of him.

 as of now, the mediation is on hold, with him deciding what he wants to do( file for custody or drop it and do without, which is what was suggested)

My questions are:
1. How does one show the important of positive change in their life(divorce and remarriage)
2.  DO the courts see his parents and extention of him with regards to time?
3. He  claims that me being a SAHM is not a good thing for his daughter to see, why??

[KAT]

Just a thought. But if you do a search of this site for *parenting plans* there are many examples available. Custody can be 50/50....Perhaps if you present him with one (comprehensive?), he might not need the *Trump Card*.
Just a thought, I leave it with you. I am in VA too....which used to be pretty dag'on' father bias..until that one judge at the Beach was removed from the bench for it.
Best wishes!
KAT

[skye]

My questions are:
1. How does one show the important of positive change in their life(divorce and remarriage)
§ 20-124.3. Best interests of the child; visitation.

In determining best interests of a child for purposes of determining custody or visitation arrangements including any pendente lite orders pursuant to § 20-103, the court shall consider the following:

1. The age and physical and mental condition of the child, giving due consideration to the child's changing developmental needs;

2. The age and physical and mental condition of each parent;

3. The relationship existing between each parent and each child, giving due consideration to the positive involvement with the child's life, the ability to accurately assess and meet the emotional, intellectual and physical needs of the child;

4. The needs of the child, giving due consideration to other important relationships of the child, including but not limited to siblings, peers and extended family members;

5. The role which each parent has played and will play in the future, in the upbringing and care of the child;

6. The propensity of each parent to actively support the child's contact and relationship with the other parent, including whether a parent has unreasonably denied the other parent access to or visitation with the child;

7. The relative willingness and demonstrated ability of each parent to maintain a close and continuing relationship with the child, and the ability of each parent to cooperate in and resolve disputes regarding matters affecting the child;

8. The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of reasonable intelligence, understanding, age and experience to express such a preference;

9. Any history of family abuse as that term is defined in § 16.1-228; and

10. Such other factors as the court deems necessary and proper to the determination.

The judge shall communicate to the parties the basis of the decision either orally or in writing.

2. DO the courts see his parents and extention of him with regards to time?

****yes in va they do

3. He claims that me being a SAHM is not a good thing for his daughter to see, why??

yes and no it depends on the judge .. If you are willing to tell me what county I could give you some idea..