Ex took Son to different school

[rebecca]

Hi Socrateaser:
I went to mediation and then to a 5 minute court session.  Our mediation recommendation was made a temporary court order.  This order states the following:

9.  The parents shall select all schools, health care providers, day care providers and counselors jointly.  In the event the parents cannot agree to the selection of a school, the child shall be maintained in the present school, pending mediation and/or further order of the Court.

11.  The parent having actual physical custody of the child shall have the responsibility to properly care for the child, to provide responsible care and to arrange for suitable alternative care if necessary.

18.  Each parent shall exert every effort to maintain free access and unhampered contact between the child and other parent.  

Neither parent shall do anything which would estrange the child from the other parent, which would injure  the opinion of the child as to his mother or father, or would impair the natural development of the child's love and respect for the other parent.

19.  Should either parent engage in conduct which undermines the shared custody arrangement, it shall be considered that the parent is not acting in the best interest of the child and such non-conformance may be the basis for modification of this order.

The school Son is supposed to attend, he attended last year, starts in August after our August 13 settlement  conference and the same day as our court date August 23.  

I usually exercise right of first refusal by taking Son to Ex's house before I go to work and pick him up after on my parenting days.  I work M-F 8:30-5.  Ex is self-employed and work sporadically 7 days per week.  He takes Son to office or has his girlfriend care for him when he works.  

We have joint physical/legal custody, no primary in California.

1.  August 23 is a Monday and is Ex's parenting day, what should I do if he takes him to his new neighborhood school, and not the school he is supposed to go to?

2.  Am I obligated to take son to Ex's before I go to work from now to court date on my parenting days when I know that he is going to take Son to a school I didn't agree on?

3.  Ex said when we go to court that he can just say that he took him to the new school as if it were a daycare, that he fully intended to take him to the school he is supposed to attend when it starts.  Will the judge buy this?  

4.  My son keeps telling me to stop lying.  When asked what I lied about SOn says "you lie to my dad".  Will this be seen as violating number 18 above?

5.  Will him taking Son to new school help me in a new request for full legal custody?

6.  Will the fact that he has already started the school Ex took him to help Ex get his way to keep him in that school which is far from my home?

7.  Ex is planning to get married in April 2005.  Will this make him look better to judges in future disputes?  Should I be looking for a husband?  Seriously.

Thank you

[rebecca]

Ex called and left message today stating that tomorrow (wed) will be the last day that he takes Son to new school.  He said that Son wanted to go so he let him.  At the start of all of this in March, I kept asking Son if he wanted to go.  He kept telling me that he did not want to.

Is this still considered contempt if Ex claims Son wanted to go for these 3 days and Ex let him?   Thanks

[socrateaser]

>1.  August 23 is a Monday and is Ex's parenting day, what
>should I do if he takes him to his new neighborhood school,
>and not the school he is supposed to go to?

Specify the school in your settlement agreement. Specify everything and you won't need to argue about it later.

>
>2.  Am I obligated to take son to Ex's before I go to work
>from now to court date on my parenting days when I know that
>he is going to take Son to a school I didn't agree on?

I don't see how one thing is tied to the other. If you two cannot get along even before you enter into a shared custody arrangement, then maybe you shouldn't enter into such an arrangement.

>
>3.  Ex said when we go to court that he can just say that he
>took him to the new school as if it were a daycare, that he
>fully intended to take him to the school he is supposed to
>attend when it starts.  Will the judge buy this?  

I don't read tea leaves. Get what you want in writing or don't settle.

>
>4.  My son keeps telling me to stop lying.  When asked what I
>lied about SOn says "you lie to my dad".  Will this be seen as
>violating number 18 above?

I don't know. It depends on whether you can prove that the father is disparaging you to your son. This sort of thing goes on quite a bit, especially at the beginning of the "new" relationship. However, you are giving me lots of ammo to suggest that shared custody will not work.

>
>5.  Will him taking Son to new school help me in a new request
>for full legal custody?

You haven't made an OLD request yet. All you have is a temporary order. If you want a different custody arrangement than what was recommended by the mediator, then now's the time to ask for one.

>
>6.  Will the fact that he has already started the school Ex
>took him to help Ex get his way to keep him in that school
>which is far from my home

Now, I'm confused. You said that school doesn't begin until Aug. 23. Unless you have a time machine, I don't see how your son can already be in school.

>
>7.  Ex is planning to get married in April 2005.  Will this
>make him look better to judges in future disputes?  Should I
>be looking for a husband?  Seriously.

That was two questions. (a) Maybe -- depends on the judge. (b) I dunno. Are you proposing to me?