Enter x2b's truck to retrieve backpack?

[johnk0121]

Dear Soc,

I described some of this situation in "Dinner visit encounter", but a quick recap.
Jurisdiction Howard Cty, MD.  Current custody is joint legal, mom primary physical.  Any day now judge will sign order that he verbally ruled on Oct 29, giving her sole legal and primary physical.  Visitation is EOW and Wed dinner visit until 8pm.  Right now Basketball practice is from 8-9pm.  So he brings her, with her school stuff.  Mom offered to change dinner visit night, but Dad wanted to do it like this.  Daughter's usual bedtime is 9pm.  So, when this started, Mom asked that Dad bring Daughter's backpack in so that Mom can see what happened in school that day in the agenda book, etc.  He has not done this for 3-4 practices.

a bit more history...  part of why Mom got the custody she has is that she has a history of ensuring that school homework gets done.  There have been numerous instances of daughter returning from visitation at 8pm with homework not done, a few that meant staying up until 10pm or after.   This is a reason for Mom wanting to see the backpack before 9pm these nights.

Mom has key to Dad's truck.  (He has key to her Mustang.)  Court document states that both vehicles are marital property.  To-be-signed order states that each is to keep their respective vehicles, signing any documents needed to effect transfer.

1.  Can Mom use her key to get backpack out of Dad's truck, legally?  Will this status change when the final order is signed?

2.  With the homework problem that has been occurring, is this worth doing, knowing that there will definitely be a negative reaction of some sort?

Thanks again!
-John

[socrateaser]

>1.  Can Mom use her key to get backpack out of Dad's truck,
>legally?  Will this status change when the final order is
>signed?

Depends on the current court orders re property and in whose name the vehicles are titled. The fact that both parties have keys to each other's vehicle implies that they both had permission to enter during the marriage, and absent some court order to the contrary, the status quo is usually maintained. That's about all the opinion I can give based on facts presented.
 
>
>2.  With the homework problem that has been occurring, is this
>worth doing, knowing that there will definitely be a negative
>reaction of some sort?

I already answered this question. You are crusin' for a serious violent incident between the divorcing parties. My advice is to stay out of this guy's "space." Period.

And, that includes YOU. When you're around, you're rubbing the divorce in the man's face by your very presence. So, stay away when he's around, and I'll bet the exhanges become less adversarial.

[johnk0121]

The truck was purchased and brought home without Mom's knowledge.  So, it is legally titled in his name only.  During the marriage there was equal access to both vehicles.  The Mustang was titled in both names.

I understand about staying out of his space.  And have to say I agree... I am asking for legal status as some are suggesting this route.

Me...  Well.. I stayed away for almost two years.  I did not attend any sports or social functions with Mom and Daughter if Dad was going to be there. We have a strong commitment, and I have a very good relationship with Daughter (using term to maintain continuity.. I fully understand she is step-daughter.).  She has stated she wants me at her events.  I have been attending for a bit over a year... but I stay back and give him his space when he's interacting with her.

1.  Does the legal title status of the truck change your thoughts on this?

2.  Even after we're married and I am Daughter's step-dad, are you saying I have to stay away from her events forever?  Its been three years and four months since the separation, and much longer since the marriage was "over", one would think he should have "moved on" by now.

[socrateaser]

>1.  Does the legal title status of the truck change your
>thoughts on this?

Yes, despite the possibility that husband may have used marital assets to purchase the vehicle, it is titled to him, and the police will treat it as such, therefore, your girlfriend could conceivably be arrested for entering the vehicle. I'm wondering how she has a key to the vehicle if it was purchased after separation, and so would the police. My advice remains the same -- do not antagonize this man or everyone's gonna get a face full of fist -- or worse.

>
>2.  Even after we're married and I am Daughter's step-dad, are
>you saying I have to stay away from her events forever?  Its
>been three years and four months since the separation, and
>much longer since the marriage was "over", one would think he
>should have "moved on" by now.

I'm not saying that you "should" do anything. I am merely stating my observation that the husband is highly territorial and that you are in his space, and frankly, in his wife's pants. You can do whatever you want, but as long as he remains adversarial, you should give him considerable deference if you want to maintain a peaceful environment.

If he comes into your space, you can certainly defend yourself, but there's just no percentage in trying to push him, because that just keeps him coming back.

Humans are 98.6% chimpanzee. If you need evidence to support this premise, just observe the behavior of all of the people involved in the events that you have thus far posted. If you were to replace everyone with a monkey, and you saw the same events unfolding, you would know exactly what was going on, but because everyone is "human," it all seems inexplicable.

Unfortunately, with humans, caging the bad actors requires "due process of law," rather than bananas.

[johnk0121]

OK... I confused the point... Truck was purchased during the marriage, before separation, with marital assets (put on home equity, which he has not been paying his half of the past almost-year).  It was purchased without wife's knowledge during the marriage, and brought home .. it was a surprise.

But.. I doubt that changes your answer... since that is wholly based on the legal titling.

Ok.. understand what you mean by deference.  To be honest, its been our policy regarding this, the "dinner visit encounter" not-withstanding.

1.  I think I'm going to take your last sentence, and make it my signature, if you are ok with that...?

:)

Thanks a million!
-JK

[socrateaser]

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